Find Your Valentine
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News & ArtsMonday, November 2, 2009
2
No.
But I'll gladly feed your child to my dog to help offset his food production footprint, while also reducing the much greater toll on the planet that humans take.
If you wouldn't mind mincing your child to giblets, I'll gladly let my dog eat them and we will return the bits to you later as compostable waste.
But I'll gladly feed your child to my dog to help offset his food production footprint, while also reducing the much greater toll on the planet that humans take.
If you wouldn't mind mincing your child to giblets, I'll gladly let my dog eat them and we will return the bits to you later as compostable waste.
3
Dan,
Do you still have your little one eyed poodle? I like that story you told about the incident.
Do you still have your little one eyed poodle? I like that story you told about the incident.
5
I will second the "your kid is worse"
Also, dogs have historically been a way to dispose of food not up to our standards. Better to sell feed for dogs than add to the landfills.
Also, dogs have historically been a way to dispose of food not up to our standards. Better to sell feed for dogs than add to the landfills.
7
But dogs are cute and fuzzy and snuggly so you lose, dog haters.
I've seen this study, and I don't believe it. It looks like they fudged the numbers to validate their irrational hatred of canines. They overestimated the ammount of food a dog eats, and discarded the emmissions a Hummer produces, which happens to be the most significant factor in a Hummer's carbon footprint. This appears to be another case of facts being able to tell you anything you want to hear, if you lie about the facts.
I've seen this study, and I don't believe it. It looks like they fudged the numbers to validate their irrational hatred of canines. They overestimated the ammount of food a dog eats, and discarded the emmissions a Hummer produces, which happens to be the most significant factor in a Hummer's carbon footprint. This appears to be another case of facts being able to tell you anything you want to hear, if you lie about the facts.
8
@3 I was going to say. What of poor little one-eyed Stinker?
In that I dislike dogs, I like this study. But really, if we want to save the planet we all ought to just kill ourselves.
In that I dislike dogs, I like this study. But really, if we want to save the planet we all ought to just kill ourselves.
10
Take it a step farther. Rupert Murdoch's Wall Street Journal did on Saturday in the "Culture" section, which contains an argument and recipes for cooking and eating dogs. Sad.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424…
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424…
11
If there's anything I dislkike is people with children telling me how horrible and irresponsible it is for me to have a dog.
- My dog is neutered, he will not reproduce and increase the population, unlike most people's children.
- My dog does not spread diseases, unlike most children (see Swine Flu).
- My dog does not require new plastic toys every year that will eventually end up floating on the ocean or in a landfill, he's just happy with a second-hand stuffed bear or with the chew toy I got him when he was a puppy.
- The amount of feces and urine my dog produces is very small in comparison with a child and, unlike children, my dog never used diapers.
- My dog does not require new clothes and shoes every year.
- Etcetera
So no, Mr. Savage, I will not kill my dog; he's much better for the environment than any human child could ever possibly be.
- My dog is neutered, he will not reproduce and increase the population, unlike most people's children.
- My dog does not spread diseases, unlike most children (see Swine Flu).
- My dog does not require new plastic toys every year that will eventually end up floating on the ocean or in a landfill, he's just happy with a second-hand stuffed bear or with the chew toy I got him when he was a puppy.
- The amount of feces and urine my dog produces is very small in comparison with a child and, unlike children, my dog never used diapers.
- My dog does not require new clothes and shoes every year.
- Etcetera
So no, Mr. Savage, I will not kill my dog; he's much better for the environment than any human child could ever possibly be.
13
@9, No. Nor will my children. But one thing my dog could do is spend 100x more time with me than adult children -- helping me cross streets, pick up objects on the floor, alert neighbors for help when necessary, and perhaps help me get around when my vision goes bad.
Your kids on the other hand will secretly resent the burden you've placed on them, quietly awaiting/dreading the day you shuffle off into oblivion so they can get on with their lives. They'll be sad to see what you've become, and won't recognize you anymore as the person they once knew, but they'll tend to you out of a sense of debt and pity. And you'll apparently not mind that one bit.
Hey, good for you. Too bad for your kids. Please feed them to my dog before it's too late.
Your kids on the other hand will secretly resent the burden you've placed on them, quietly awaiting/dreading the day you shuffle off into oblivion so they can get on with their lives. They'll be sad to see what you've become, and won't recognize you anymore as the person they once knew, but they'll tend to you out of a sense of debt and pity. And you'll apparently not mind that one bit.
Hey, good for you. Too bad for your kids. Please feed them to my dog before it's too late.
15
Best part of the article:
Clark Williams-Derry, [...]scoffed at the study, which is how scientists express disdain.
16
I'm not saying that Robert and Brenda Vale actually favor children starving to death at the bottoms of wells with compound fractures of both ankles, but clearly that is possible.
17
@9,
You think most children do that? How many nursing home residents would you reckon have adult children?
You think most children do that? How many nursing home residents would you reckon have adult children?
21
@9: I'll bet you could train a dog to pull the wheelchair, and heaven knows there are a lot of pooches out there who'd happily lick your ass clean.
22
This is just lazy journalism. First: pull some inane 'study' off the Internet. Second: Ask around, including calls to our mayoral candidates, and ask snarky questions.
Result: LAFFS! It's all for laffs.
Rahner's an idiot.
Result: LAFFS! It's all for laffs.
Rahner's an idiot.
25
Without dogs who will get rid of the corpses when the plague strikes and wipes out most of humanity? Charlton Heston? Yeah, right.
26
if you are comparing the eco footprint of a dog and a car, how can you not include emissions--what's the point otherwise?
also isn't most dog food made up of by products and leftover bits of animals that aren't widely consumed by people anyway?
also isn't most dog food made up of by products and leftover bits of animals that aren't widely consumed by people anyway?
27
If we just switched from eating kangaroo meat to eating wild tofu beasts, we could rapidly run out of water supplies in North America, and then all the gas hogs would die of thirst.
Well, except for the ones that had been to Burning Man.
Well, except for the ones that had been to Burning Man.
28
So if you own a dog, plant some trees. It's a win-win--you offset its carbon footprint, and the dog has a place to relieve itself.
And shoot all SUV owners.
And shoot all SUV owners.
31
As a professional Troll Judge, I give the initial post an 8.5. The provocative and concise text was extremely good, but the linked article was both factually inaccurate and/or wasn't goatse.
32
@2, 5, 11, 19
Let me just clear something up for you douchebags, since you don't seem to be able to parse this yourselves; children are human beings. Dogs are property. Children are socially, ethically and legally (for the most part) your equals. Dogs are not. Reproducing and raising children is a civil right under the 14th Amendment Due Process Clause. Owning and keeping dogs is not.
You four are morons.
Let me just clear something up for you douchebags, since you don't seem to be able to parse this yourselves; children are human beings. Dogs are property. Children are socially, ethically and legally (for the most part) your equals. Dogs are not. Reproducing and raising children is a civil right under the 14th Amendment Due Process Clause. Owning and keeping dogs is not.
You four are morons.
33
My 38lb dog eats about 1.3 cups of food a day and we own about a box full of toys and other crap for her. Her 'eco-footprint' is minuscule. Dan's, on the other hand...
34
Cats saved us from plague, and dogs too to some degree. That is, until the Catholic church nearly exterminated them in Europe in 13th and 14th century. And then blamed them for the plague that was, in fact, a result of their absence.
With that debt in mind, maybe we can give them a break, and you know, deal with the problem ourselves?
With that debt in mind, maybe we can give them a break, and you know, deal with the problem ourselves?
36
Don't be fooled, @32. Children would just as soon kill you as look at you.
I wouldn't trust any one of them around my dog.
I wouldn't trust any one of them around my dog.
37
cats may not have as big as a carbon footprint, but they kill a hell of a lot more native birds and mammals. that should be taken into consideration, so i vote to kill the cats, especially in new zealand. cats and dogs shouldn't be there at all.
native americans had dogs, i know. did they have cats, or was that a european import?
native americans had dogs, i know. did they have cats, or was that a european import?
39
@32
Screw your smelly, obnoxious, spoiled brat kids. You're free to have 'em of course, but do the rest of us a favor and get 'em the hell out of our mugs when we're trying to enjoy a meal, coffee, museum visit, a movie, etc. in a public place. They ruin everything for everyone. And you bloody parents expect us to smile about it and think it's sweet. Awww. I don't fucking think so.
Oh, and by the way, only *you* think your screaming brat is cute. The rest of us just lie to you to shut you up. Sorry.
Screw your smelly, obnoxious, spoiled brat kids. You're free to have 'em of course, but do the rest of us a favor and get 'em the hell out of our mugs when we're trying to enjoy a meal, coffee, museum visit, a movie, etc. in a public place. They ruin everything for everyone. And you bloody parents expect us to smile about it and think it's sweet. Awww. I don't fucking think so.
Oh, and by the way, only *you* think your screaming brat is cute. The rest of us just lie to you to shut you up. Sorry.
40
@17 Somebody's children will unless you envision a planet of nothing but old people breathing the last breaths of the species in doddering squalor. We do need a few kids around to be your doctors and cops and such when you're too fucking old to do anything but admire Matlock reruns.
41
ALL processed foods are as wasteful as dogfood in terms of crop production and fuel economy. So, unless you're gonna stop eating cereal, ice cream, store bought bread, etc, i'll hold on to my Bernese Mountain Dog.
42
@ 37 -
Domestic cats were a strictly European import. Fair point about all the songbirds. The big problem in New Zealand and Australia is that there were no placental mammals there until they were brought by humans. The marsupial predators just aren't quite as good, and cats and dogs have been like pitting WW II tanks against WW I models. Human-owned animals are a problem, but the ferals are much worse, and I have no opposition to killing them humanely.
Domestic cats were a strictly European import. Fair point about all the songbirds. The big problem in New Zealand and Australia is that there were no placental mammals there until they were brought by humans. The marsupial predators just aren't quite as good, and cats and dogs have been like pitting WW II tanks against WW I models. Human-owned animals are a problem, but the ferals are much worse, and I have no opposition to killing them humanely.
43
@6: The story actually quotes the very site you link to. I'm guessing you didn't bother to read the whole thing.
44
The estimates of dog carbon footprints are based on dog food ingredients... But a good chunk of the meat going into processed dog food is low-grade stuff that is a byproduct of meat production for people. If dog ownership rates declined, meat production probably wouldn't decline, but the low-grade meat not suitable for human consumption would have to be put to another use.
Dogs still basically eat our food scraps as they always have, only now the scraps are processed and packaged. Plus, a dog is a living companion, not an oversized car. A luxury, yes, but of a different kind, one born of an 8,000+ year old symbiosis.
Dogs still basically eat our food scraps as they always have, only now the scraps are processed and packaged. Plus, a dog is a living companion, not an oversized car. A luxury, yes, but of a different kind, one born of an 8,000+ year old symbiosis.
45
I can't tell if people are kidding or if some people believe that Dan is actually suggesting killing/getting rid of dogs.
46
you go first, dan. hope dj is able to forgive you someday.
oh, never mind, #6 has let you off the hook. phew!
oh, never mind, #6 has let you off the hook. phew!
47
I love how people who love science will turn on any research that makes them uncomfortable. And the best part, not one person on here suggested that the study should give you something to think about. (WOW, your pet has a carbon footprint? Who would have thought!!) Instead, like a bunch of Christo-Fundamentalists people attack that which doesn't nicely fit into their preconceived world view. And we won't even go into how this fucks with those people who think that their pets are somehow human which is a whole other fucked up attitude.
Classy as always!
Classy as always!
48
@ Confluence, my kids ARE adorable and well-behaved. I get compliments on them all the time, so it's not in my head. I also have a dog AND a cat. So suck my asshole clean, kthxbye.
49
@ 47, you're right. Cats and dogs, until recently, fed on scraps or whatever they hunted on the farm. The whole petroleum-intensive way of producing food is a recent development and applies as much to animal feed as it does to food for people. It's common sense, really.
50
People are taking Dan seriously on this? I really doubt he's being serious and if he is, I'll take my German Shepherd over potential children any day. But I'm 20, so it's to be expected.
51
@43 Didn't read a word of it. But then the title of this post and the title of the linked story are enough bad jounalism alone to deserve a rolled up newspaper to the snout.
(runs off to skim the article) Yep, the whole thing matches the quality of the title.
"Joe Mallahan's spokeswoman, Charla Neuman — who owns two St. Bernards — refused to relay questions on the topic to Mallahan."
Bad journalist!
(runs off to skim the article) Yep, the whole thing matches the quality of the title.
"Joe Mallahan's spokeswoman, Charla Neuman — who owns two St. Bernards — refused to relay questions on the topic to Mallahan."
Bad journalist!
52
@39
The thing you evidently fail to grasp is that kids are human beings. They have legal rights and responsibilities. If a kid does something you wouldn't tolerate from an adult, speak up for yourself. If you don't, the problem is you -- not the kids or their parents.
The thing you evidently fail to grasp is that kids are human beings. They have legal rights and responsibilities. If a kid does something you wouldn't tolerate from an adult, speak up for yourself. If you don't, the problem is you -- not the kids or their parents.
53
this is ridiculous. if we are going to have to evaluate the environmental cost of pets, then we have to view it within context. lets talk about the carbon footprint of the multi-billion dollar beef industry in this country.
54
Sheep farming is big business in New Zealand. I'm wondering if all the owners of working border collies on all the sheep farms have lynched the authors of this "study" yet.
55
52: Fuck you and fuck your constitution. Human beings are egotistical fucking pricks who deserve to be exterminated, including you.
57
After working for years in the healthcare field, I am quite convinced that there is nothing inherently good, sacred, or better about a human being when compared to any other living thing. Comparing individuals is another story, but that applies to animals as well as humans.
58
"I am quite convinced that there is nothing inherently good, sacred, or better about a human being when compared to any other living thing."
I have to agree with 57 on that point.
I have to agree with 57 on that point.
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