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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

News The Morning News

Posted by on Wed, Oct 28, 2009 at 8:15 AM

And It Was Her Birthday This Week, Too. Car bomb kills 90 in Pakistan during Hillary Clinton's visit.

Mouseketerrorists. Two Chicago men charged in "Mickey Mouse" terror plot against Danish newspaper.

It's Fine. The Opposition Party Just, Um, Ran Into a Door. Zimbabwe cancels visit from UN torture investigator.

"We Made Sure the Door Was Locked. I Actually Put My Wife in the Cupboard to Hide, and Made the Room Look as if It Wasn't Occupied." Taliban militants kill 12 in Kabul UN guesthouse attack.

"Then I Got a New Job and Moved the Fuck Away from Afghanistan." How my first-hand account of the guesthouse attack would go.

Tony Blair for President of Earth. "Oh, hell naw," say opponents.

I Guess Scarecrow-Astronaut Doesn't Pay Very Much. Mallahan campaign raises $110,000; still $106,000 in debt.

Hey, Everyone Ever. Shit or get off the pot.

Tell Them About Your Tennis Shoes Again. Patty Murray makes "one more attempt" to convince Boeing to open 787 production line in Everett.

Vaccinate Your Children. Woman "overcome by Phillies fever" attempts to exchange sex for World Series tickets.

Euthanize Your Children. Police arrest three more suspects in horrific teen gang rape.

Just Not a Lot of Opportunities in Hulking These Days. Hulk Hogan to return to pro wrestling.

WHAT IS YOUR DEFINITION OF "FINE"? Crew members on This Is It describe their shock at Michael Jackson's death.

WHAT IS YOUR DEFINITION OF "KIDNAPPED BY PIRATES"? Family of missing British couple "not grossly over-worried."

"Bingo." Protagonist scrolls intensely through microfilm.


You love it. Stop crying. Fart Wednesday.

 

Comments (17) RSS

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hartiepie 1
Lindy --- can't wait for your week of queefing...
Posted by hartiepie on October 28, 2009 at 8:30 AM
Baconcat 2
So they're turning the EU leadership selection into freakin' Eurovision, huh?

I guess this means the only real legitimate head of the EU must be Dana International.
Posted by Baconcat on October 28, 2009 at 8:37 AM
LaRiiiiM0RrrHAwtiiii696969 3
LINDY YOU SHOULD WATCH OUT FOR DESTRO METAL FACE
Posted by LaRiiiiM0RrrHAwtiiii696969 http://balkin.blogspot.com/ on October 28, 2009 at 8:51 AM
danindowntown 4
Definition of FINE: Fucked-up, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional. FINE.
Posted by danindowntown on October 28, 2009 at 9:00 AM
5
when i clicked on the gang rape story, a pop-up ad for classmates.com appeared. something about that seems wrong to me.
Posted by cornballer on October 28, 2009 at 9:05 AM
Loveschild 6
I hope the "Euthanize" thing is not some sort of coded message.
Posted by Loveschild http://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/articles/responding_to_haiti_earthquake/ on October 28, 2009 at 9:06 AM
Baconcat 7
@6: It means "look at how screwed up these kids from traditional families are".
Posted by Baconcat on October 28, 2009 at 9:18 AM
8
How did Loveschild get ahold of our secret code? Oh well, I guess once she's in our heterosexual reeducation camps to be force-gay married it won't matter.
Posted by Gay agenda activate!!! on October 28, 2009 at 9:43 AM
Matt from Denver 9
Has anyone else noticed that a ton of yesterday's diaries are missing?
Posted by Matt from Denver on October 28, 2009 at 10:05 AM
Fifty-Two-Eighty 10
Yep. But they kind of come and go, Matt. One minute they're there - the next they aren't. Definitely a pretty serious glitch.
Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty http://www.nra.org on October 28, 2009 at 10:15 AM
11
lousy jokes, as usual.
Posted by keep your day job on October 28, 2009 at 10:55 AM
Meags 12
@11 I'M PRETTY SURE THAT THIS IS HER DAY JOB
THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE
Posted by Meags on October 28, 2009 at 11:22 AM
13
#5, yeah it is pretty wrong that you're still seeing pop-up ads. You need to fix your internets.
Posted by adblock on October 28, 2009 at 11:40 AM
14
Mallahan can has brain?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWbzbrYKX…
Posted by AnotherLincoln on October 28, 2009 at 12:41 PM
15
Mallahan can has brain?
Posted by sodajerk on October 28, 2009 at 12:43 PM
16
Mallahan can has brain?
Posted by sodajerk on October 28, 2009 at 1:02 PM
Geni 17
What happened to the incessant fart jokes?
Posted by Geni on October 28, 2009 at 4:12 PM

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