Slog
News & ArtsMonday, October 26, 2009
Religion What Do Scientologists Believe?
Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Oct 26, 2009 at 10:41 AM
The Scientologists need to get themselves one of these...
We believe in one God, the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, and of all things visible and invisible. And in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of God, and born of the Father before all ages. God of God, light of light, true God of true God. Begotten not made, consubstantial to the Father, by whom all things were made. Who for us men and for our salvation came down from heaven. And was incarnate of the Holy Ghost and of the Virgin Mary and was made man; was crucified also for us under Pontius Pilate, suffered and was buried; and the third day rose again according to the Scriptures. And ascended into heaven, sits at the right hand of the Father, and shall come again with glory to judge the living and the dead, of whose Kingdom there shall be no end. And we believe in the Holy Ghost, the Lord and Giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son, who together with the Father and the Son is to be adored and glorified, who spoke by the Prophets. And one holy, catholic, and apostolic Church. We confess one baptism for the remission of sins. And we look for the resurrection of the dead and the life of the world to come. Amen.
Not sure how the Nicene Creed would read after it was translated into Scientology. Any Sloggers care to take a stab at it? And who knows: maybe there's already a Nicene Creed for Scientologists but Zenu—Xemu? Zima?—forbids them reciting it when the cameras are rolling.
1
The scientologists can't distill it because even those suckers won't pay for something that fits on a pamphlet. It needs to be dense so they can keep paying for counseling and purification and whatever else the church does to milk their members.
2
We believe in ancient evil, the Lord Xenu, maker of a spaceplanes and nuclear bombs, and of all things visible and invisible. And in one Lord L Ron Hubbard, the only begotten True Leader, and seer of truth. Auditor of us all, light of light, true author of true books. Begotten not made, consubstantial to the Sea Org, by whom all things were made. Who for us men and for our salvation came down from heaven. And was incarnate of the thetans and of the e-meter and was made man; was crucified also for us under Terk, suffered and was buried; and the third day rose again according to the Dianetics. And ascended into assumption, sits at the right hand of the True Leader, and shall come again with glory to judge the living and the dead, of whose Kingdom there shall be no end. And we believe in the Tom Cruise, who proceeds from the True Leader, who together with the True Leader is to be adored and glorified, who spoke by the Prophets. And one holy, Scientological, and apostolic Church. We confess one baptism for the remission of MEST. And we look for the assumption of the dead and the life of the world to come. SHITCOCK!
8
@ Dave
You're not supposed to just give that shit away. We sell that creed in Scientology-is-Us for $999.99
You're not supposed to just give that shit away. We sell that creed in Scientology-is-Us for $999.99
9
@4 Apostates? wtf are you talking about?
And it is not a secret that the Creed is not a direct Biblical passage. It is a concise statement of faith, not scripture. That is the point Mr Savage is trying to make, I reckon.
And it is not a secret that the Creed is not a direct Biblical passage. It is a concise statement of faith, not scripture. That is the point Mr Savage is trying to make, I reckon.
10
Scientologists are heathens.
Everyone knows that Zima is the Holiest of the Holy, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster invites him to spaghetti dinners to keep him from starving.
Everyone knows that Zima is the Holiest of the Holy, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster invites him to spaghetti dinners to keep him from starving.
11
@ 4, you ought to keep in mind that Catholicism isn't about "bible-based" (that is, bible only) theology, and that Catholics don't give a hoot about observations like yours.
12
OT3 version of the creed
We believe in L. Ron Hubbard, savior of all humankind, and master of all Science and Thought. And in his discovery of our true nature, the body inhabited by the true self, the Thetan. The true self, the essence of life, filled with tremendous power. Eternal and reincarnated on Earth, where mankind is trapped by the trials of Incident One and Two. To achieve our salvation we must overcome the overts caused by these Incidents; which bind to us the multitude of Body Thetans, who are addled and confused by Incident R6. We will learn LRH Technology. And we will practice LRH Tech, we will ensure the standard application of LRH Tech. And detect and handle Suppressive Persons and their acts. We will uphold the rights of suppressed Thetans, and protect them from Out Tech and Psychiatric poisoning. Our bodies will master Matter, Energy, Space and Time and our Thetans will live forever. L Ron.
We believe in L. Ron Hubbard, savior of all humankind, and master of all Science and Thought. And in his discovery of our true nature, the body inhabited by the true self, the Thetan. The true self, the essence of life, filled with tremendous power. Eternal and reincarnated on Earth, where mankind is trapped by the trials of Incident One and Two. To achieve our salvation we must overcome the overts caused by these Incidents; which bind to us the multitude of Body Thetans, who are addled and confused by Incident R6. We will learn LRH Technology. And we will practice LRH Tech, we will ensure the standard application of LRH Tech. And detect and handle Suppressive Persons and their acts. We will uphold the rights of suppressed Thetans, and protect them from Out Tech and Psychiatric poisoning. Our bodies will master Matter, Energy, Space and Time and our Thetans will live forever. L Ron.
14
13 - Yup, but you're thinking of the Apostle's Creed which is an earlier belief statement from which the Nicene Creed (which Dan posted above) was fleshed-out. Some versions say "he descended into the dead," but most often I hear "he descended into hell." Kinda odd seeing as the Jesus-in-Hell thing isn't a part of canonical scripture or anything I remember ever talking about in church.
16
Is this the new version of the Nicene Creed? The one I memorized is different. This one is like a lot of the new Catholic traditions I experience when I go to a baptism or wedding after years out of church. A lot of fluffiness to make it seem new and fresh. You want new and fresh go to a Mega-church.
And what's with not holding hands during the Our Father??!?
And what's with not holding hands during the Our Father??!?
17
9-
Apostasy-a total desertion of or departure from one's religious principles.
By the time the creed was formulated the church had been co-opted by the Roman Empire and was a tool of state. The Creed codifies an erroneous view of the nature of Deity that misleads and corrupts to this day.
It is not supported by scripture.
The men who formulated it claimed and possessed no divine inspiration, insight, mandate or authority.
It was a compromise position created by men to settle contentions that threatened political stability in the Empire.
Apostasy-a total desertion of or departure from one's religious principles.
By the time the creed was formulated the church had been co-opted by the Roman Empire and was a tool of state. The Creed codifies an erroneous view of the nature of Deity that misleads and corrupts to this day.
It is not supported by scripture.
The men who formulated it claimed and possessed no divine inspiration, insight, mandate or authority.
It was a compromise position created by men to settle contentions that threatened political stability in the Empire.
18
Scientologists don't believe anything until they are told to pay for it, read it, and "understand it". This is why they cannot profess belief in the Wall of Fire/Incident 1. Most of them probably don't get to that level, and if they come across the SOUND RECORDINGS of L. Ron Hubbard himself explaining OT3 and Xenu before they fork up the cash and do the tech and get the auditing, they will DIE OF PNEUMONIA.
There's a reason the guy says "it's an internet rumour" instead of saying "yes, I believe it." They need the mystique for the few people remaining on earth who haven't heard about clams and Xenu.
Problem is, those rare folk will come to OTIII and find out it's "true," and they'll be more reluctant than ever. It's just that when you invest so much in something it's hard to turn back--especially if you're in the RPF or on the Ship.
There's a reason the guy says "it's an internet rumour" instead of saying "yes, I believe it." They need the mystique for the few people remaining on earth who haven't heard about clams and Xenu.
Problem is, those rare folk will come to OTIII and find out it's "true," and they'll be more reluctant than ever. It's just that when you invest so much in something it's hard to turn back--especially if you're in the RPF or on the Ship.
20
Our church has recently reworked the Apostle's Creed in minor ways and it still trips me up. But then, I still say "Our Father, WHICH art in Heaven . . ." so I guess I'm old school.
21
According to Scientology, gays, lesbians and other such "perverts" should either be quarantined and institutionalized, or go through extensive Scientology "processing" until once again they have value as human beings. In the Scientology cult's most sacred text, "Dianetics," written in the early 1950s, a modern reader is somewhat startled to find this passage:
"The sexual pervert (and by this term Dianetics, to be brief, includes any and all forms of deviation in dynamic two [sexuality and procreation] such as homosexuality, lesbianism, sexual sadism, etc., and all down the catalog of Ellis and Krafft-Ebing) is actually quite ill physically." (L. Ron Hubbard, "Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health")
The cult's founder, science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard, felt LGBTQ people were malicious, untrustworthy and incredibly dangerous to society. In his follow-up book, "Science of Survival," he establishes a "tone scale," ranging from -3 to +4, for classifying categories of people and evaluating human behavior. "Perverts," as he classified LGBTQ people, fall at 1.1 on Hubbard's scale. He considered them to be extremely dangerous to society.
"At 1.1 on the tone scale we enter the area of the most vicious reversal of the second dynamic. Here we have promiscuity, perversion, sadism, and irregular practices…. People on this level on the second dynamic are intensely dangerous in the society, since aberration is contagious. A society which reaches this level is on its way out of history, as went the Greeks, as went the Romans, as goes modern European and American culture. Here is a flaming danger signal which must be heeded if a race is to go forward…. The person may claim to love others and to have the good of others as his foremost interest; yet, at the same moment, he works, unconsciously or otherwise, to injure or destroy the lives and reputations of people and also to destroy property… No social order which desires to survive dates overlook its stratum 1.1's. No social order will survive which does not remove these people from its midst…. Such people should be taken from the society as rapidly as possible and uniformly institutionalized; for here is the level of the contagion of immorality, and the destruction of ethics." (L. Ron Hubbard, "Science of Survival")
The only solution Hubbard envisions to this horrifying threat is essentially converting them back to "normalcy."
"The only answers would seem to be the permanent quarantine of such persons from society to avoid the contagion of their insanities and the general turbulence which they bring to any order, thus forcing it lower on the scale, or processing such persons until they have attained a level on the tone scale which gives them value."
If this didn't work out, they were to be "disposed of quietly and without sorrow."
More...
"The sexual pervert (and by this term Dianetics, to be brief, includes any and all forms of deviation in dynamic two [sexuality and procreation] such as homosexuality, lesbianism, sexual sadism, etc., and all down the catalog of Ellis and Krafft-Ebing) is actually quite ill physically." (L. Ron Hubbard, "Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health")
The cult's founder, science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard, felt LGBTQ people were malicious, untrustworthy and incredibly dangerous to society. In his follow-up book, "Science of Survival," he establishes a "tone scale," ranging from -3 to +4, for classifying categories of people and evaluating human behavior. "Perverts," as he classified LGBTQ people, fall at 1.1 on Hubbard's scale. He considered them to be extremely dangerous to society.
"At 1.1 on the tone scale we enter the area of the most vicious reversal of the second dynamic. Here we have promiscuity, perversion, sadism, and irregular practices…. People on this level on the second dynamic are intensely dangerous in the society, since aberration is contagious. A society which reaches this level is on its way out of history, as went the Greeks, as went the Romans, as goes modern European and American culture. Here is a flaming danger signal which must be heeded if a race is to go forward…. The person may claim to love others and to have the good of others as his foremost interest; yet, at the same moment, he works, unconsciously or otherwise, to injure or destroy the lives and reputations of people and also to destroy property… No social order which desires to survive dates overlook its stratum 1.1's. No social order will survive which does not remove these people from its midst…. Such people should be taken from the society as rapidly as possible and uniformly institutionalized; for here is the level of the contagion of immorality, and the destruction of ethics." (L. Ron Hubbard, "Science of Survival")
The only solution Hubbard envisions to this horrifying threat is essentially converting them back to "normalcy."
"The only answers would seem to be the permanent quarantine of such persons from society to avoid the contagion of their insanities and the general turbulence which they bring to any order, thus forcing it lower on the scale, or processing such persons until they have attained a level on the tone scale which gives them value."
If this didn't work out, they were to be "disposed of quietly and without sorrow."
22
@21--I guess that makes more sense of Tom Cruise's homophobic commentary that Bronson Pinchot recalled from their Risky Business days.
23
L. Ron Hubbard, I think, was having a huge laugh when he came up with Scientology and if he could see what it has become, he'd laugh his ass off (all the way to the bank). I wonder so many dumbasses fall for it. It's even more bizarre than Mormonism.
24
@17
I can't agree with you that the creed was a product Apostasy. True, the Council of Nicaea was held at the request of Constantine, but it was convened to answer the questions posed by Arianism. This was a legitimate issue for the church, and a conversation which of course led to the question of Deity - was Christ the Logos created in time or eternal with the Father and Holy Spirit.
Trinitarian language is non-Biblical, but inevitable, especially when one presumes the Deity of Logos (John 1:1), a position that was recognized and accepted by the church long before Nicaea, (a position accepted by (nearly all) Christians today.)
I can't agree with you that the creed was a product Apostasy. True, the Council of Nicaea was held at the request of Constantine, but it was convened to answer the questions posed by Arianism. This was a legitimate issue for the church, and a conversation which of course led to the question of Deity - was Christ the Logos created in time or eternal with the Father and Holy Spirit.
Trinitarian language is non-Biblical, but inevitable, especially when one presumes the Deity of Logos (John 1:1), a position that was recognized and accepted by the church long before Nicaea, (a position accepted by (nearly all) Christians today.)
25
An apostate is also, when you cut crap, simply someone who has changed their mind about their faith.
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