Slog
News & ArtsMonday, October 26, 2009
At Large Postcard from Europe, Part I
Posted by Christopher Frizzelle on Mon, Oct 26, 2009 at 9:49 AM
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I get that French "assurances" means insurance, I get that "assurance" is an English word. I get that the word "ass" can be funny to 12-year-old boys. But is there any humor in there that I'm just not seeing? Or is this post *really* simply by and for 12-year-old boys?
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Notice how nice the streetscape is. Notice how:
1. these buildings do not have inside underground parking! Thus no gaping maws.
2. These buildings do not mimic fish cannery sheds or industrial chique or other ugly stupid motifs like we find in Seattle.
3. The buildings all kind of go together -- not possible when egotechts put modern next to Anhalt.
4. They have lots of transit and there is no superhighway underground through Paris.
5. Lots of the buildings are even walkups sacre dieu! So upper storers are cheapo!
6. Because they don't require massive amounts of parking for stores, either, they don't have massive megalomarts everywhere and instead they have smaller stores you can walk to to buy fruit and meat and wine every day!
7. All of the positive features we see here are illegal in our city of Seattle! We have prohibited beautiful urbanness. That's why all our new buildings are ugly. Why, even in a mixed use building it seems to be illegal to have a nice big old sign like this Assurances sign so the only businesses that survive are "appointment" businesses like tanning and yoga and not "walkl by" businesses like fruits, cheese veggies etc.
8. Also in PAris they don't have megalofiretrucks? so when you do park you can put your little deux cheauveaux or scooter almost anywhere there's none of this no parking for thirty feet everywhere....they let people come and mingle a lot more than we do here. People are even known to trapise down the center of the small streets that are technically "for" cars in a drunken stupor at 4 am because no restaurant will accept a party of 30 but that's another story......
1. these buildings do not have inside underground parking! Thus no gaping maws.
2. These buildings do not mimic fish cannery sheds or industrial chique or other ugly stupid motifs like we find in Seattle.
3. The buildings all kind of go together -- not possible when egotechts put modern next to Anhalt.
4. They have lots of transit and there is no superhighway underground through Paris.
5. Lots of the buildings are even walkups sacre dieu! So upper storers are cheapo!
6. Because they don't require massive amounts of parking for stores, either, they don't have massive megalomarts everywhere and instead they have smaller stores you can walk to to buy fruit and meat and wine every day!
7. All of the positive features we see here are illegal in our city of Seattle! We have prohibited beautiful urbanness. That's why all our new buildings are ugly. Why, even in a mixed use building it seems to be illegal to have a nice big old sign like this Assurances sign so the only businesses that survive are "appointment" businesses like tanning and yoga and not "walkl by" businesses like fruits, cheese veggies etc.
8. Also in PAris they don't have megalofiretrucks? so when you do park you can put your little deux cheauveaux or scooter almost anywhere there's none of this no parking for thirty feet everywhere....they let people come and mingle a lot more than we do here. People are even known to trapise down the center of the small streets that are technically "for" cars in a drunken stupor at 4 am because no restaurant will accept a party of 30 but that's another story......
7
Farts were big today, ass jokes are rampant, wow, rams panting hyuk hyuk hyuk maybe their getting "reared" by shepherds hyuk hyuk hyuk! and Slog is still ignoring the huge news in the health care debate that now it's Obama who's pushing back against a stronger public option (opt out plan) in favor for the weaker trigger trigger plan . . . even though Schumer says the stronger plan is almost there, with 57 votes.
Okay folks back to farts and asses!
Okay folks back to farts and asses!
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@6: your #4 is incorrect - don't you remember where princess diana got killed? in the underground expressway in Paris.
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#8 TOTALLY WRONG
I know Paris like my hand.
That section of the routes des quais - Routes along the Seine - goes into a dip and curves at the same time, under a bridge approach above. Traffic goes very fast on these roads, express way style. late at night, low traffic, 100 mph is OK.
Very dangerous stuff - not an under ground route at all.
(And I wish I was there right now, il pleut.)
I know Paris like my hand.
That section of the routes des quais - Routes along the Seine - goes into a dip and curves at the same time, under a bridge approach above. Traffic goes very fast on these roads, express way style. late at night, low traffic, 100 mph is OK.
Very dangerous stuff - not an under ground route at all.
(And I wish I was there right now, il pleut.)
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@8, yeah Princess Di was killed under a bridge, not an underground highway.
Here's a picture of where it happened.
Here's a picture of where it happened.
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Yes, the touristy areas of old Europe are very charming. The places where people actually live make Soviet-era construction look warm and inviting.
The buildings all kind of go together -- not possible when egotechts put modern next to Anhalt.
Yes, the touristy areas of old Europe are very charming. The places where people actually live make Soviet-era construction look warm and inviting.
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11 -- people actually live in the cutesy areas of old europe too. those aren't all hotel rooms. and they're not all expensive either. the ugly projects outside all the european cities are, however, where they make all the poor immigrants and asocial nationalists live.
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@6: "1. these buildings do not have inside underground parking! Thus no gaping maws."
Hmm. No underground parking in Paris? Check out that episode of Top Gear where Richard Hammond tries to get a Zonda out onto the street. Hilarity and French anger ensues.
And less underground parking = everyone just making up parking spaces wherever they want (as you charmingly put it, putting "your little deux cheauveaux or scooter almost anywhere"). Good news for emergency services and the disabled!
"The buildings all kind of go together -- not possible when egotechts put modern next to Anhalt."
Kind of nice until you remember this happened only because most of medieval Paris was razed to the ground in a massive, one-time reconstruction project. Easy when you've got an emperor backing you. Yes, the city is quite pretty now, but what a fucking loss.
Old Europe is a nightmare for fresh air. It's an old city, with a long industrial history, and while scooters are adorable and zippy, they stink. Champs-Elysees is a noisy, filthy, eight-lane roadway. I liked Paris, but it's hardly somewhere amazing to live.
Hmm. No underground parking in Paris? Check out that episode of Top Gear where Richard Hammond tries to get a Zonda out onto the street. Hilarity and French anger ensues.
And less underground parking = everyone just making up parking spaces wherever they want (as you charmingly put it, putting "your little deux cheauveaux or scooter almost anywhere"). Good news for emergency services and the disabled!
"The buildings all kind of go together -- not possible when egotechts put modern next to Anhalt."
Kind of nice until you remember this happened only because most of medieval Paris was razed to the ground in a massive, one-time reconstruction project. Easy when you've got an emperor backing you. Yes, the city is quite pretty now, but what a fucking loss.
Old Europe is a nightmare for fresh air. It's an old city, with a long industrial history, and while scooters are adorable and zippy, they stink. Champs-Elysees is a noisy, filthy, eight-lane roadway. I liked Paris, but it's hardly somewhere amazing to live.
14
Paris-o-philes are obnoxious, but Paris does beat most large American cities for beauty and fresh air. The Champs-Elysees is a huge street, but it's also a charming walk once you get out of the mania around the arch. You wouldn't get that walking from Time Square in any direction, or from that Bean thing in Chicago, or in LA, where no one would walk anyway.
@12 - The central areas of European capitals (cultural and political) are highly populated, but they are also INSANELY expensive. Renting pretty much anywhere in Paris is about as costly as renting in the heart of Manhattan, and often for more charming but less functional spaces.
The projects outlying Paris are actually fairly nice, in comparison to those in American cities, though.
@12 - The central areas of European capitals (cultural and political) are highly populated, but they are also INSANELY expensive. Renting pretty much anywhere in Paris is about as costly as renting in the heart of Manhattan, and often for more charming but less functional spaces.
The projects outlying Paris are actually fairly nice, in comparison to those in American cities, though.
16
@12,
Most of my Danish relatives live in hideous post-war apartment buildings. Their de rigueur in much of Europe. If you want really ugly though, try Berlin.
Most of my Danish relatives live in hideous post-war apartment buildings. Their de rigueur in much of Europe. If you want really ugly though, try Berlin.
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