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News & ArtsSaturday, October 24, 2009
At Large Zombie Walks: Fun And Games Until...
Posted by Dan Savage on Sat, Oct 24, 2009 at 5:07 PM
...someone gets her head blown off.
There was a zombie walk in downtown Portland today. It was a beautiful day for staggering around in stage makeup and torn clothes. Looked like fun. But joining a zombie walks is too risky. Maybe I'm paranoid—maaaaaybe—but I think it's only a matter of time before some lunatic sees a crowd of zombies coming down the street and reacts the way he's seen the hero react in a million zombie movies: shoot the zombies in the head. I went to the gym instead.
1
Yup. You're right. All of us "crazy gun nuts" are just waiting for the chance to shoot us some zombies. Why, I don't know about anybody else, but I was just thinking that as I cleaned my gun the other day. Too bad they're such a bitch to field dress, though.
2
I agree. I am a gun owner, and I am obviously a threat to America. Just look at Dan Savages hypothetical scenario that will likely never happen! Obviously the gun-nut weirdos are a threat to society. The mob of people pretending to be flesh-eating monsters on the other hand, oh ho ho, that's just good fun.
3
I agree. I am a gun owner, and I am obviously a threat to America. Just look at Dan Savages hypothetical scenario that will likely never happen! Obviously the gun-nut weirdos are a threat to society. The mob of people pretending to be flesh-eating monsters on the other hand, oh ho ho, that's just good fun.
4
Man, you big macho gun owners suuuuuuuure are sensitive babies. I didn't say some GUN NUT was going to see the zombies coming and start shooting, but some LUNATIC -- perhaps a lunatic with access to a gun. Some lunatics do manage to get their hands on guns, guys. School shootings? Workplace shootings? Hello? Not all guns owners are nuts but there are a lot of nuts out there with guns.
5
Sooooooo.... you think the gym is safe from teh zombs and their admirers... eh eh eh eh ehhhhhh... I advise the buddy system, but WATCH HIM CLOSELY...
8
...because there are no zombies at the gym.
"You uuuuusing this maaaaaaachinnnnneeeee?"
"Huuhhhhhhhhhhh...?"
"You uuuuusing this maaaaaaachinnnnneeeee?"
"Huuhhhhhhhhhhh...?"
9
MoveOn.org is planning a Zombie protest for a Public Option on Halloween day through Pikes Place Market. 10/31 at 1 PM - I imagine it ought to be pretty fun.
Public Option = Less Zombies.
Public Option = Less Zombies.
13
Zombie walks are great. But, I am getting bored with everyone doing the Triller Dance. It was cute during the summer, right after M. Jackson's death.
15
Zombie walks are played out. As are zombies. I am so sick of zombies and vampires. It's time for more werewolves.
16
If I see any zombie, I don't care what kind; dead or alive I'm gunna blow its head off! (Read that and tell me who's the zombie!)
17
There were an assload of zombies in Occidental Park this evening right before the Sounders March. I think they were doing a Thriller dance, too. Biggest ever, someone said. I went to the game instead and saw the Sounders kick ass, clinch no worse than third place, and maybe even second.
18
I was in Portland to see the Decemberists and saw some of these zombies so I parked the car and got the kids out and we followed the zombies as the marched through the street. As we walked back to the car we passed someone that looked just like Dan Savage. Was that you walking west on Colombia?
19
I think the reverse is going to happen. The next zombie movie will feature some poor shlub mistaking real zombies for walkers or other guys in costume. Heh, awesome shamble du--OH GOD TEETH IN THE FACE!
22
Only panis use guns to execute zombies; real men, and women, go the chainsaw route. Sure it's more messy but few things are as enjoyable as feeling the chain bite into bone and pass through into brain matter; almost as enjoyable as popping a pimple. And the delight of decapitating a zombie is beyond measure. Just saying.
@9: That should be "fewer zombies," not "less."
@9: That should be "fewer zombies," not "less."
25
I'm not so sure it's one of these innocent zombie walk people that's going to get hurt... The real hurt is going to come when the zombie apocalypse actually happens and everyone thinks its a goddamn zombie walk. Many an innocent brain will be eaten thanks to these zombie walk people.
26
Didn't shot his head off, but did punch him in the face:
http://www.press-citizen.com/article/200…
Someone is shooting a zombie movie in Iowa, so its on our minds.
http://www.press-citizen.com/article/200…
Someone is shooting a zombie movie in Iowa, so its on our minds.
28
@26 -
You got here first with what I had - here is another link: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091025/ap_o…
You got here first with what I had - here is another link: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091025/ap_o…
29
The whole "zombies are played out" meme is played out. It'll run its course on its own. Complaining about it is a transparent attempt to assert your own hipness.
30
@1: Until you mentioned it I never considered how hard it would be to field dress a creature that is disintegrating/falling apart post-death death. The things you learn.
Though I would think that there wouldn't be any good eating from a zombie, and as you mentioned getting a trophy would be pretty tough too. ;)
@19: That's a bit (but not exactly) like some of the set ups in "Shawn of the Dead". Probably won't be long before there is a movie with the set up you describe.
Though I would think that there wouldn't be any good eating from a zombie, and as you mentioned getting a trophy would be pretty tough too. ;)
@19: That's a bit (but not exactly) like some of the set ups in "Shawn of the Dead". Probably won't be long before there is a movie with the set up you describe.
31
Um...if someone is crazy enough to start shooting people in that way, they're not going to discriminate between people coated in Ben Nye products and shredded clothes and people just going about their business.
34
Personally, I'd wait until I see them feasting on some poor bastard in the street before taking a shot. Not only do you get a much bigger profile, but they're clustered together too.
35
18 - the only thing scarier than a mad pack of zombies wanting to eat your brain would be being forced to go to a Decemberists show, and not being able to leave.
36
Why hasn't anyone else picked up on Dan's waaaaaay too soon joke?? "I don't want to get shot, so I'll just go to the gym instead" the gym, In Portland, to not get shot. I'll admit I laughed, but I live on the other side of the world. Pretty sure the families of those dead women don't think you can call that yet.
38
Case in point:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/25…
If you're crazy enough to think you're among real zombies, you're going to see them everywhere, makeup or no.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/25…
If you're crazy enough to think you're among real zombies, you're going to see them everywhere, makeup or no.
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