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News & ArtsWednesday, October 14, 2009
Sex Curiously Wrong
Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Oct 14, 2009 at 8:30 AM
I agree with Mother Jones: Linger, an "internal feminine flavoring" mint—an Altoid for your twat—sounds like a terrible product. Linger mints are merely repacked breath mints that come in an ugly tin with a jacked-up price. MJ:
A little digging revealed that Linger is made/distributed by a company called Admints, which just happens to make trade show mints. And the Linger samples just happen to have have the exact same shape, taste, and ingredients as Admint's sample mints.... And if you actually do expect to use Linger to "flavor the woman in a manner that is safe and effective," be warned: its primary ingredient is sugar, which is not safe for the vagina. It messes up the pH and can lead to a really painful yeast infection, a condition that definitely doesn't make someone want to "linger."
However... I don't think the "Linger" concept can be dismissed as some sort of anti-vag, anti-lady-bits plot. A lot flavored condoms and flavored lubes and chocolate-flavored sex lotions are sold to women who think dick tastes nasty and can't be bothered to acquire a taste for the unadulterated dick. It seems only fair that some sort of twat-flavoring product—vag-safe, of course—come to market for straight guys and the odd—very odd—lesbian who can't be bothered to acquire a taste for unadulterated lady bits.
2
The product website does say that if you are prone to infections like yeast infections that you shouldn't use this product. And sugar is a natural sweetener, as they also advertise on the website.
Still, yuck.
Still, yuck.
3
What about the idea that the smells and tastes of the real person are part of the fun? I am always amazed that people don't get what the pheromones are there for.
This, by the way, is why sex-bots will NEVER do it for me.
This, by the way, is why sex-bots will NEVER do it for me.
4
Something about this reminds me of those lubes they used to sell that supposedly "desensitized the anal area" to make insertion easier... turned out to be a pretty (excuse my diction choice) shitty idea, because people who were getting injured by anal sex couldn't feel the discomfort. Good idea? Well, maybe on the surface... but when you really think about it, this stuff can be kinda dangerous.
10
When the day gets muggy and hot
Her pits smell and so does her twat
Your girl can't take a hint
so you give her a mint
And get to it, no longer distraught.
Her pits smell and so does her twat
Your girl can't take a hint
so you give her a mint
And get to it, no longer distraught.
11
i have a taste for it, but sometimes it tastes better than other times. clean is better than minty.
12
Pop rocks and fellatio, not as fun as you might think. You pretty much just end up with pieces of candy stuck to your dick that are hard to get off.
13
MINT!?! Beyond if the concept even makes sense, MINT? To quote the great Patton Oswalt, I think "a pussy soaked in apple juice" would be a whole lot nicer than a minty minge.
14
This isn't anything new, they had (still have?) those scented douches that masked women's "odors." Basically, your bits (women's and men's) are never going smell/taste that great unless you've showered right before sex, and that doesn't always happen.
I didn't think the flavored lubes/panties/condoms were (entirely) designed to cover up the taste of penises and vaginas, but more to add the illusion of "spice" or something different to your sex life. The ones I've tasted have all been awful. I think it's much more fun to eat foodstuffs off your sweetie.
I didn't think the flavored lubes/panties/condoms were (entirely) designed to cover up the taste of penises and vaginas, but more to add the illusion of "spice" or something different to your sex life. The ones I've tasted have all been awful. I think it's much more fun to eat foodstuffs off your sweetie.
16
See, I thought the flavored condoms were for people who don't like the taste of LATEX during safer sex.
17
Pheromones, they are a beautiful thing, people.
And, I also thought flavored condoms are for people who don't like the taste of LATEX or don't want to swallow during sex.
And, I also thought flavored condoms are for people who don't like the taste of LATEX or don't want to swallow during sex.
18
OMG I just had a HUMP flash back of mouthwash being funneled into woman's twat. Yowzer!
If the vag isn't tasting good, it needs a shower, not a mint.
If the vag isn't tasting good, it needs a shower, not a mint.
19
@1 - Flash to the mid-80s for me.... We had a male office worker from Viet Nam who pronounced his name "Twat" - great guy. We all got used to calling him that, and would yell out "get Twat" or "have Twat pick that up" without even thinking. Caused quite a bit of confusion when clients were around!
21
Look, I think most people could agree that unadulterated dick tastes better than a condom, even a flavored condom. But some of us like to take precautions if we suspect or know that our current boy isn't monogamous. There are all kinds of reasons why oral sex might be a safety precaution, please don't jump to anti-dick-taste sentiments as the only or even the major cause.
23
@15 brings up an important point. Mint burns. Mint of any kind is bad for your skin, so why you would want to put some not just on but IN your most sensitive part is rather mysterious.
26
@15 You say "burn," I say "intense but pleasant tingle."
I don't know about flavoring my ladybits, but I used to use mints and cough drops as a masturbation aid all the time. Switched to peppermint oil when I found out about sugar and yeast infections.
One quibble - Dan, I think most people who use flavored lube and condoms do so not because they object to the taste of dick, but because they object to the taste of lube and condoms.
I don't know about flavoring my ladybits, but I used to use mints and cough drops as a masturbation aid all the time. Switched to peppermint oil when I found out about sugar and yeast infections.
One quibble - Dan, I think most people who use flavored lube and condoms do so not because they object to the taste of dick, but because they object to the taste of lube and condoms.
28
I'm a pheromone junkie, myself, sometimes to a dangerous degree. One girl rendered me so stupid she could walk me off a cliff if she wanted.
attitude devant @3, you presume sex bots won't be able to simulate pheromones. Considering what flavorists can simulate these days, sex bots may be able to adapt to your own attractions.
And that's assuming we're not talking about the more human than human Tyrell corporation replicants that are biologically based, rather than silicone and silicon.
attitude devant @3, you presume sex bots won't be able to simulate pheromones. Considering what flavorists can simulate these days, sex bots may be able to adapt to your own attractions.
And that's assuming we're not talking about the more human than human Tyrell corporation replicants that are biologically based, rather than silicone and silicon.
29
I once gave my boyfriend a blowjob after eating an altoid. (I ate the altoid to freshen my breath, not because I didn't want to taste his cock. I like the taste of his cock.) He enjoyed the minty sensation in my mouth so I popped another one in before finishing him off. Now altoid blowjob is a part of our regular bag o' tricks. On the other hand, I would never consider putting a sugary mint IN my vag. Yuck!
30
ah! good point @28, but Uriel, you alpha emitter, I remain unconvinced. Call me a traditionalist, but I'd rather have the real thing.
32
i second @26: lube tastes terrible. while the flavored stuff also tastes terrible, it's less so. the bits are delish, but if they need lube, it's gotta be flavored lube.
33
It's been a long time, Uriel @ 31, since I remembered the thrill R.H. gave me....and I thank you for the nudge to my memory. But, fan of intensity though I am, I found the robotic blue glare combined with the Teutonic jaw a wee bit alarming, as I'm sure I was meant to.
As for Daryl Hannah, I leave her to you, intellect being for me a necessary (and often sufficient!) condition for the advent of Eros.
But championing the virtual over the actual is an odd stance for you to take. Are you not the Uriel who first came to my attention as the advocate of getting naked (baring your soul) over getting naked (no clothes)?
Or are you a thesis project, like Loveschild?
As for Daryl Hannah, I leave her to you, intellect being for me a necessary (and often sufficient!) condition for the advent of Eros.
But championing the virtual over the actual is an odd stance for you to take. Are you not the Uriel who first came to my attention as the advocate of getting naked (baring your soul) over getting naked (no clothes)?
Or are you a thesis project, like Loveschild?
34
Actually I'm just being silly.
I don't have much of an opinion on the matter of sex-bots, except that Pygmalionists are ridiculed far more than they deserve to be. We are so far away from effectively simulating real human intimacy that it's quite moot for now. We have difficulty even making computer generated humans kiss.
Being a thesis project? No. Doing a thesis project? Maybe, but only regarding the more extreme controversial issues.
I don't have much of an opinion on the matter of sex-bots, except that Pygmalionists are ridiculed far more than they deserve to be. We are so far away from effectively simulating real human intimacy that it's quite moot for now. We have difficulty even making computer generated humans kiss.
Being a thesis project? No. Doing a thesis project? Maybe, but only regarding the more extreme controversial issues.
35
Uriel-238 @ 34:
Pymalionists? Do they actually call themselves that? Wow. I've got to get out more. Thanks for that--it's just the sort of thing that makes my brain zing along.
On being vs. doing (what is this, a Philosophy seminar?) the choice of verb was deliberate. Many of us have commented recently that Loveschild seems to be more than one person. Do some textual analysis: sometimes her posts are daffy, sometimes clear. Sometimes they seem to be written by a person for whom English is not a first language. Many have said she's just intermittently off her meds, some think she drinks, and one thinks she's a group of college students writing a thesis.
When you brought up Blade Runner and implied a contradiction of an earlier stance, I thought maybe there were three Uriels, one for every common isotope. In other words, I was being silly too.
Pymalionists? Do they actually call themselves that? Wow. I've got to get out more. Thanks for that--it's just the sort of thing that makes my brain zing along.
On being vs. doing (what is this, a Philosophy seminar?) the choice of verb was deliberate. Many of us have commented recently that Loveschild seems to be more than one person. Do some textual analysis: sometimes her posts are daffy, sometimes clear. Sometimes they seem to be written by a person for whom English is not a first language. Many have said she's just intermittently off her meds, some think she drinks, and one thinks she's a group of college students writing a thesis.
When you brought up Blade Runner and implied a contradiction of an earlier stance, I thought maybe there were three Uriels, one for every common isotope. In other words, I was being silly too.
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