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Saturday, October 10, 2009

Hump The Phantom of the Vomit

Posted by Dan Savage on Sat, Oct 10, 2009 at 12:50 PM

So... last night at the 10 PM screening a woman came out of the theater and told us—utterly mortified—that she had thrown up. It was the anal hook that did it. She was sober and so, so, so very sorry. We told her it was okay, asked here roughly where we could find it, and asked people after the screening to look down and make sure they didn't step in it. Then we went to look for it. To clean it up before the next audience came in.

AND WE COULDN'T FIND IT.

She was sure she had puked—positive—but there was no evidence in the theater. We looked everywhere. I shudder to think what might have happened. It was a HUMP! audience, after all...

Comments (20) RSS

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"Anal hook"? Hmm, not regretting so much missing out on tickets this time . . .

Posted by Levislade

on October 10, 2009 at 1:24 PM

Awwww.... what's wrong with anal hooks? They're hot!

Posted by likesanalhooks on October 10, 2009 at 1:34 PM

Ew no.

Posted by Cory on October 10, 2009 at 1:51 PM

The anal hook will do it each and every time.

Posted by Anal Hook on October 10, 2009 at 2:03 PM

I had to google image search anal hook. So... you tie rope to the hook and pull? That does not seem safe at all.

Posted by Mattini on October 10, 2009 at 2:15 PM

oh man, i hope she didn't puke in someone's hood or purse or something.

that hook made me a little woozy.

Posted by ingopixel on October 10, 2009 at 2:48 PM

You had to see it. It was pretty shocking, and I watch a lot of Internet porn, so I'm not what one would call a sensitive person.

Posted by wisepunk on October 10, 2009 at 3:17 PM

The hook I mean, I was at the midnight show and there wasn't a hint of puke. I thought I smelled santorum at one point though.

Posted by wisepunk on October 10, 2009 at 3:20 PM

Ah the hook! And then he was fucking her when the hook was all the way in!! How?!

Posted by Jenny from the Block on October 10, 2009 at 4:50 PM

Ah, the old "I threw up in there somewhere" troll. That's a good one.

And fuck you for telling me such things as an anal hook exist. I had no idea the words anal and hook had ever been used side by side. Now I know, and I'm the lesser for it.

Did I already say fuck you for that? So I did. Fuck you again. TMI. T, M, fucking I. And fuck you.

Peace.

Posted by elenchos on October 10, 2009 at 5:09 PM

uh, why didn't she do what I (and many others) did...discover a sudden interest in the ceiling at On The Boards?

There were only two "ohmigod!" movies...lots of meh ones and lots of funny ones...for me personally, not anything very erotic but all in all, very entertaining.

Posted by michael strangeways

on October 10, 2009 at 5:34 PM

we got pretty sloshed before the show, it was my friend that vomited, we found her out by the car after the show and got her home in one piece.

good times!

we were told CLEARLY that anyone that answered or used a phone during the show would have that cellphone taken from them. we had plenty of calls from her but decided that we couldnt answer because the show was so fantastic.

Posted by derrickito on October 10, 2009 at 5:56 PM

What would Emily Post say about hurling in public?

In an agony of propriety, she vomited into her purse.

—Stephen King, The Revenge of Lard Ass Hogan

Posted by rob!

on October 10, 2009 at 6:48 PM

LOLOLOL

She probably puked down the back of a seat or in some hipster's crunchy hair or something.

I was fine with the anal hook when it was just the first half of it in her. Thought it was sorta hot.

But when the second half went in -- look, I got a 4.0 in Anatomy & Physiology, and RECTUMS ARE NOT HOOK-SHAPED -- I cringed. And what it takes to make me cringe would make a lot of people puke, so. . .I'm only surprised that it was just one person.

Posted by Violet_DaGrinder

on October 10, 2009 at 9:27 PM

Yeah, I wondered why you chose such vile films to show (the torture one and the "asshole" one). I came close to vomiting. And I had shut my eyes and kept them shut when it got rough. But everyone groaning around me made me get a a sharp pain in my stomach and I feared throwing up, and I was in the middle of a row, no easy exit (I didn't know there would be violent porn; every porn show I've seen before wasn't that extreme). If yr going to show such crap, at least give us barf bags. As a result, I did not recommend the show.

Posted by L'il Queenie on October 10, 2009 at 11:54 PM

Given that this is HUMP!, is it possible she vomited into one of her own bodily orifices?

Posted by blackhook on October 11, 2009 at 12:36 AM

It's not on the floor because she hit a lap or an empty seat. Check those.

Posted by Karl42 on October 11, 2009 at 5:52 AM

I wasn't in the seats it was in the hall just around the corner on the other side of the sloped wall on the south end of the theater.

Posted by pasteyboy

on October 11, 2009 at 1:36 PM

The puker puked because she was drunk, I was lead to believe. HUMP! has always featured some hardcore S&M films. And lots—and lots more—soft and cuddly stuff.

Posted by Dan Savage on October 11, 2009 at 1:54 PM

Damn it Dan. Never ever ever did I need to know of anal hooks, and I know wish I could forget I am no where close enough to be able to attend HUMP and while I wanted to. I am almost sure I am better for not having done so. I have seen many things in my life that make me wish I could either go back in time and smack younger me and tell me no you don't want to see that, or to be able to invent bleach for mind to remove these things. I wish I would listen to that little bitty voice I can hardly hear, when it tells me stop don't look

Posted by anal_angel on October 11, 2009 at 8:40 PM