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Thursday, October 8, 2009

Savage Love Savage Love Letter of the Day

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Oct 8, 2009 at 4:12 PM

I'm a 21-year-old gay guy who is currently in a relationship with a 49-year-old guy. The relationship has been great the last 8 months but I feel like he is using double standards to get around the things he does. Such as him sending sexual messages to other guys on MySpace and other websites, or hitting on my friends who have boyfriends or partners. How should I go about talking about this with him without hurting the relationship or making him mad?

Unhappily Partnered

DTMFA.

Comments (21) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

Yes and please give me your name and number. One last time, before I die, I wish to sample the flower of youth...

Posted by baconpussy on October 8, 2009 at 4:17 PM

Great answer.

Posted by Will in Seattle

on October 8, 2009 at 4:24 PM

and don't look back!

Posted by boxofbirds on October 8, 2009 at 4:27 PM

@1,

For the sake of alliteration, you should call yourself pancettapussy.

Posted by keshmeshi on October 8, 2009 at 4:28 PM

good answer

Posted by not a troll on October 8, 2009 at 4:31 PM

Absolutely.

Posted by jimmy

on October 8, 2009 at 4:32 PM

@1 Sounds like this one's been sampled, but I feel your pain. Sometimes I fear when the dementia gets really bad I'll throw myself at some nubile 18 year old and try to cop some forbidden nookie

Posted by meowmeowkitty on October 8, 2009 at 4:35 PM

Wish I had met this older guy at that age - my life would have been entirely different.

You all are overfed on bravado queer cynics - who think the world is full of options for everybody all the time. As if we all had Dan's looks and MONEY.

Kid, get on your soapbox and make some demands. If you like the guy, he has 10 more good years. Ride em ...

If it all goes sour, come to Seattle and get mated. There are tons of options including nice older guys.

Signed: Practical Fag

Posted by Coffee Guy on October 8, 2009 at 4:40 PM

I agree with Dan's advice but this story has nothing to do with the age difference...gay men of all ages pull that shit.

Posted by michael strangeways

on October 8, 2009 at 4:44 PM

Your guy apparently doesn't realize how lucky he is to have you in his life, Mr. Unhappily Partnered. Just quote Patrick Swayze and say OUT LOUD that "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner," then DTMFA, move to Seattle, and find true love (or at least temporary happiness) right here.

Posted by Sarah in Olympia on October 8, 2009 at 5:00 PM

What is wrong with this 21 year old that he needs Dan's advice on this.

Don't date skeezy old men who hit on your friends -- date nice, charming old men who are grateful and happy to be getting a young piece of ass. The number of old men who want younger men is way more than young men who want older men, so this young lad can afford to be choosey.

Also, always, always talk about monogamy -- differing expectations here should be a deal breaker.

Posted by Gus on October 8, 2009 at 5:05 PM

Then again, if they could fly to Vegas and get married (I said if) then this would make for great TV.

Posted by Will in Seattle

on October 8, 2009 at 5:14 PM

If you're not already going to the gym to try to improve your body image, then start going. it'll boost your self esteem. you're 21. DTMFA and find other guys. Hell i'm 30 and i'd date a hot mature 21 y.o in a heartbeat and make him feel like he's on top of the world.

I repeat you're 21.. go and fuck.. go through that slut phase of your 20s. we all go through it. Try some 3somes with other couples. Travel to other cities and fuck the locals there, especially in NYC, any Canadian city, Latin America, the Caribbean, or any European city. just use condoms and don't fall into the "oh let me stick in the head then put a condom on" or "just stick it in and don't cum in me" bullshit that I heard in my 20s. I'm still negative thank god.

Posted by apres_moi on October 8, 2009 at 5:58 PM

UP, up and DTMFA.

Posted by kim in portland

on October 8, 2009 at 6:03 PM

#13 Gosh imagine a 30 year old that would date a "mature" 20something how rare. Is there such an animal as a mature 20 something apres moi? Mai Non! There in is the problem, 49 and 21 is a BIG CHASM to span and not even God blessed and sanctified heterosexual unions often span that distance. Said 21 year old MUST move on as has been suggested by this wise crowd because the man he's with is acting like a 20something when he should be acting MATURE with men closer to his age, which no doubt he can't stand as he hates growing old and hence himself, but that's another issue.

Posted by Sargon Bighorn on October 8, 2009 at 7:49 PM

DTMFA and get tested for STDs. Because your future ex-boyfriend in a middle-aged skank.

p.s. Please try to get to Seattle, Toronto, Amsterdam, or Buenos Aires...and if you're not into fucking somebody your own age, at least hook up with an older guy who appreciates your 20-something ass.

Posted by Y.F. Redux on October 8, 2009 at 8:37 PM

@8: Dan's looks?!?!?

Posted by baconpussy on October 8, 2009 at 9:34 PM

DTMFA. Couldn't have said it better myself, Dan.

Posted by ash557 on October 9, 2009 at 12:43 AM

Tell him it bothers you and say you want to be exclusive. Communicate! He may think you two have an open relationship. Why give up on someone you care about?

Posted by Vince on October 9, 2009 at 6:01 AM