Harken to me now, ye riled-up commenters! Most specifically, you surly bitches who say things like, “Jesus, Adrian Ryan! Calling a candidate for mayor 'The Idiot'…how childish! How tragically under-evolved! How very FOX News/Ann Coulter-ish of you!”

Well.

First of all, darlings, no I don't read the damn comments, let alone get riled up about them. (I was debriefed on said surly remarks by three indentured personal assistants and a talking camel I had a dream about.) Secondly of all, compare me to Ann Coulter, ever, for any reason, and I'll murder your family. (And I'll wait till Christmas Eve to do it.) And C, and most importantly, SHUT UP!

I don’t steer this mad slave ship called "SLOG," you know. I just pull the e-oars. I didn't even want to call the very rich, comely-handed Joe Mallahan “The Idiot.” That wasn’t my idea at all! I want to call him Sugar Daddy. Or Softy Softy Man Hands! Or maybe My Rich Uncle Who Left Me Everything In His Will. Or… Mr. Mayor? Well…

But, on the other soft, soft hand (har, har), WHAT the hell was I thinking? In my last Mallahan-related post? "Probably Jergens-smelling man hands?" Joe Mallahan’s man hands would surely not smell of common Jergens. That's merely absurd! (What in the name of cheap drugstore hand care was going on in my head?) Joe Mallahan is richer than Cadbury Creme Egg and melted gold bullion fondue. He would therefore, by his very nature (super, disgustingly, unfathomably RICH!), shun lowly Jergins like a city transit vote. He would no doubt use magical lotions from the culled placenta of virgin births and the eyeball jelly of baby condors. (Stem-cell fortified!) It would be slathered on his hands three times an hour by a rotating team of eunuchs, and it would smell like MONEY.

And I'm just glad we've had this little chance to clear all that up.

Anyway, I got a personal message from Mr. Mallahan yesterday, just after my post. He says, “Adrian, thank you for your support?"

Well. You're most welcome, Mr. Moneybags? You’re welcome, indeed?!