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News & ArtsWednesday, October 7, 2009
Savage Love Savage Love Letter of the Day
Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Oct 7, 2009 at 11:30 AM
Hello, Dan. I am a young lesbian from Chapel Hill, North Carolina who reads your column every week the second it comes out. About questions like DREW's from last week: I personally do not understand how a straight man, after however long he's spent fucking women in his life, can suddenly start to think he might be (gasp) a little homo because OMG HE LIKES SOMETHING IN HIS BUTT! But then I thought, hey, maybe these men are simply visual learners and a flow-chart might help them figure out their sexual orientations. So after finding a suitably hard wall to beat my head against for a few minutes, I made this handy dandy flow chart that I was hoping you could share with your readers. I tried to make it as gender-inclusive as possible, but I'm sure you understand that the sheer range of gender and sexual orientations cannot be captured in one flow chart, so I'm afraid it's quite basic. Hoping it helps!Lindsay
Good work, Lindsay...
Click for larger version.
5
"It seems like asexuals could get caught in an endless loop on part 1."
Report immediately to Apple World Headquarters.
Report immediately to Apple World Headquarters.
7
The chart assumes that the questionee prefers being acted upon rather than being the actor. Other than that it's perfect, though Savage's category of "straight guys who like to suck cock" is only represented in bisexual.
8
Awesome! My immediate nit-pick, though, was that I got directed to "asexual" because the first thing I picked was something I like to do to, not be done to.
9
Oh man! Thank you Lindsay-whoever-you-are. That made my life. I've been home sick for the last two days, and damn was that a great laugh. Cheers!
10
Anybody who needs to look at a fucking flowchart to figure out their own sexuality is in such deep shit that even Dan won't be able to help them out.
14
@11Do y'all call those that "prefer being acted upon rather than doing the acting" or "straight guys who like to suck cock but don't call themselves bisexual" sex-negative? Mostly I just call folks sex-negative if they have negative opinions of sex. Usually it's negative opinions of sex other people are having.
15
ahhhhhhh, now I get it. OK, I'm a straight male. Thank goodness. All these years I've been so confused.
17
I guess the chart was supposed to be clever? Er, something? Settin' the bar pretty low these days, eh?
18
@7 -- I totally agree. I'd like to see the boxes that say "Do you like it when a boy/girl does it to you," changed to "Do you enjoy doing it with a boy/girl."
@1 -- The furriness could be defined in the [insert name of ANY sex act here] clause in the top box of the chart. I'm reasonably confident there must be straight, gay and bi furries.
@1 -- The furriness could be defined in the [insert name of ANY sex act here] clause in the top box of the chart. I'm reasonably confident there must be straight, gay and bi furries.
20
I appreciate the flow chart, but I have to agree with Fifty-Two-Eighty. If you don't know, stop lying to yourself. If you REALLY don't know, there's no talking to you.
21
@13: Well, if everyone got it, it wouldn't be special. Can't blame a girl for showing a little non-harmful favoritism!
22
As a programmer, I feel the need to express a systemic nitpick: Your results depend on the first thing you like you run through the flow. If I'm a guy who loves coitus, getting buggered by real cocks (but not fake ones) and getting blown by anyone, my results would be NO HOMO, Big ol' homo and Bisexual!, respectively. If I ran through it multiple times, I could be all three at once (if each was a flag) or the results of the last one (if it's a variable set to a set parameter).
Or, I suppose, just Bisexual! if likes boys and likes girls were boolean.
Or, I suppose, just Bisexual! if likes boys and likes girls were boolean.
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