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News & ArtsMonday, October 5, 2009
Religion / Books / Nerd Today in Supreme Beings
Posted by Paul Constant on Mon, Oct 5, 2009 at 4:02 PM
Slog Tipper Jen informs us that some people are trying to make a fair and balanced Bible. They want to remove all of what they perceive as liberal bias from the Good Book.
7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning
8. Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story
Do the "Later-Inserted Liberal Parables" include the entire New Testament? Because that Sermon on the Mount sounds kind of Big-City Elitist to me. The good news is that they might be planning on doing this Conservatizing of the Bible as a wiki, which would provide hours of entertainment for all of us on the internet. Here is the first example that they have:
The earliest, most authentic manuscripts lack this verse set forth at Luke 23:34:[7]Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."
Is this a liberal corruption of the original? This does not appear in any other Gospel, and the simple fact is that some of the persecutors of Jesus did know what they were doing. This quotation is a favorite of liberals but should not appear in a conservative Bible.
This is all I have to say about that: Jesus fucking Christ. In other Supreme Being news today, Ecocomics links to a PDF of a physics paper by one Ben Tippett which sets out to explain how all of Superman's very different powers (flight, strength, heat and x-ray visions, freeze-breath) are actually just one power used in many different ways.
You will note the pleasing capitalization of the "H" in "he."
UPDATE: Gold Star Comment goes to this one:
If there's one complaint I've always had of the Bible, it's that it's too liberal.Posted by Dougsf on October 5, 2009 at 4:33 PM
2
godaaaaaaamn. can we all now agree that the bible is pretty useless as a literal interpretation of "god's word"? who's to say that someone, somewhere didn't pull a stunt like this with the bible ALREADY?!
3
I've never actually seen one, but I'd like to get my hands on a Jefferson bible. The right is always blathering on about how the founding fathers meant this to be a christian country, blah, blah, blah. But they never reference Thomas Jefferson's version, where he took a razor and cut out every supernatural reference. So much for the piety of at least one of the authors of the constitution.
5
Considering that the entire thing is purely a work of fiction in the first place, I have no problem with people making the Bible say whatever they want it to say. Hell, they do that already.
7
News Flash! Conservative group attempts to do what every other religious person has done with their holy book since the beginning of time: interpret it to fit their preconceived world view!
8
Quite frankly, a Unified Theory of Superman's Powers looks much more interesting than this conservative Bible hoopla.
9
...but to do it in such a transparent and open fashion as on Conservapedia (in danger of such liberal ideals of free input and peer-review) will certainly make for some entertaining reading.
my take on it: They'll barely make a dent into the project.
my take on it: They'll barely make a dent into the project.
10
I love the "adulteress story" controversy. 'Cause, that "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her" bit has always smacked of namby-pamby PC-ness to me.
But seriously folks, doesn't this sort of analysis betray the fundamentalist school of thought (analyzing the text for "errors" by reading between the lines seems diametrically opposed to the idea that the Bible is divine word made physical)?
But seriously folks, doesn't this sort of analysis betray the fundamentalist school of thought (analyzing the text for "errors" by reading between the lines seems diametrically opposed to the idea that the Bible is divine word made physical)?
12
Matthew 19:24: "Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."
I assume that passage is out.
I assume that passage is out.
13
These folks remind me of Margaret White as portrayed by Piper Laurie in the movie "Carrie"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5pL1PUJ5…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5pL1PUJ5…
16
'Blessed are the peacemakers..." will likely be changed to "Damned are the peacemakers for they will be called traitors"
17
So are these soi-disant "conservatives" going to dredge up the Bible in the original Aramaic and retranslate? And are they going to include the Gospels of Thomas too? Those were cut from the Bible by atheist liberals hundreds of years ago, time to return them to their proper place, one would think.
And besides, since Jesus didn't write any of that stuff down Himself, and --according to my research-- the Bible was actually first written by a bunch of men somewhere around 300 A.D., one has to wonder what "interpretations" were inserted during those intervening 300 years....
Why don't we just wait until Jesus comes back and ask Him? He would know, after all.
And besides, since Jesus didn't write any of that stuff down Himself, and --according to my research-- the Bible was actually first written by a bunch of men somewhere around 300 A.D., one has to wonder what "interpretations" were inserted during those intervening 300 years....
Why don't we just wait until Jesus comes back and ask Him? He would know, after all.
18
Dudes, although Conservapedia does include actual conservatives who are so wacky as to be self-parodying, it also includes satirical pseudo-conservatives trying very hard to tread the line of "is this a joke". My faith in humanity demands that I believe this to be the latter.
19
Well they're going to have to take out all the Jesus crap, because he obviously has a liberal bias. Will they still BE Christians?
21
This objection to adulteress story's appearance in the Bible reveals the irrational paranoia of the right.
Sure, it's valid to say that the story was absent in this or that scroll, that it's inconsistent with the rest of the passage, etc.
But to say that it was inserted by liberals to oppose capital punishment? Just because liberals today point to it as an argument against capital punishment doesn't mean that's why it was put in. After all, liberals can just as easily use the parable of the weeds in the garden to argue the same point. As far as I know, that one is not contested.
Sure, it's valid to say that the story was absent in this or that scroll, that it's inconsistent with the rest of the passage, etc.
But to say that it was inserted by liberals to oppose capital punishment? Just because liberals today point to it as an argument against capital punishment doesn't mean that's why it was put in. After all, liberals can just as easily use the parable of the weeds in the garden to argue the same point. As far as I know, that one is not contested.
24
The sooner they go batshit crazy and strap themselves to neutron bombs to attack Saudi Arabia, the better.
Just make sure they can't get back into the USA ...
Just make sure they can't get back into the USA ...
25
Jesus was an Ultra-Conservative.
He preached personal faith and belief and repentence.
He eschewed societal norms.
Social programs? Render them unto Caesar.
Helping others? Yes, as personal charity...not as enforced taxation.
Investment? The talents...do not bury your talents, but put them into IPOs where they return fivefold.
He preached personal faith and belief and repentence.
He eschewed societal norms.
Social programs? Render them unto Caesar.
Helping others? Yes, as personal charity...not as enforced taxation.
Investment? The talents...do not bury your talents, but put them into IPOs where they return fivefold.
26
So what happened to the Bible being the inerrant and exact word of god? Because if the Bible isn't the exact and inerrant word of god then it's just a bunch of hooey made up by some guys with a bug up their butts and we can all disregard it with ease.
29
@ 24,
Considering how many enlistees are from anti-gubmint land and bible-thumper land and we were at war with two Muslim nations, I think they might have a head start on that already.
http://www.heritage.org/research/nationa…
http://www.heritage.org/research/nationa…
Considering how many enlistees are from anti-gubmint land and bible-thumper land and we were at war with two Muslim nations, I think they might have a head start on that already.
http://www.heritage.org/research/nationa…
http://www.heritage.org/research/nationa…
30
p.s.
The bible was always fiction so this latest anti-(white, heterosexual, male, conservative) slant is just the latest edit in a long line of edits.
The bible was always fiction so this latest anti-(white, heterosexual, male, conservative) slant is just the latest edit in a long line of edits.
31
Luke 12:48 is right out:
"But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.."
Oh snap, that sounds a lot like "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need." Jesus was a socialist.
"But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.."
Oh snap, that sounds a lot like "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need." Jesus was a socialist.
32
#31. No, it sounds like the movie "Stripes". Like when Bill Murray was fat and lazy, his g/f left him. But then he joined the Army and ruled. Jesus was a member of SCTV.
33
So, if they stare at the origial Aramaic texts really hard, they're going to find they say Jesus did not throw the moneychangers out of the temple, but offered them naming rights for the building in exchange for a hefty up-front fee?
36
I can't wait to read the new Sermon on the Mount.
"...
...
*crickets chirping*
...
..."
--Jesus
They'll pretty much be left with the Old Testament (especially Leviticus, this kind of heretic loves Leviticus, they just don't live by the laws of Leviticus), the epistles of Paul, and Revelation. Which is the only part any of them pay any attention to anyway.
"...
...
*crickets chirping*
...
..."
--Jesus
They'll pretty much be left with the Old Testament (especially Leviticus, this kind of heretic loves Leviticus, they just don't live by the laws of Leviticus), the epistles of Paul, and Revelation. Which is the only part any of them pay any attention to anyway.
37
Wait, aren't people who don't believe any of the New Testament and only believe in the God of the Old Testament commonly known as Orthodox Jews?
38
"The Mosaic laws clearly state death as a punishment for sin." And if every person followed this ridiculous Bronze Age bullshit to the letter (because the Bible is the infallible word of God, right?), no child would survive past their first teenage shout of, "You never let me do ANYTHING! I HATE YOU!" because then they would have broken Commandment #5, about honoring one's father and mother, and the parent would then be forced to choke the life out of the insolent brat, lest they be committing sin themselves by not living by the Commandments.
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