Slog
News & ArtsTuesday, September 29, 2009
News What What (In the Butt)
Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Sep 29, 2009 at 10:01 AM
A bomb, that's what.
To get his bomb into this room, Abdullah Asieri, one of Saudi Arabia's most wanted men, avoided detection by two sets of airport security including metal detectors and palace security. He spent 30 hours in the close company of the prince's own secret service agents—all without anyone suspecting a thing.How did he do it?
Taking a trick from the narcotics trade—which has long smuggled drugs in body cavities—Asieri had a pound of high explosives, plus a detonator inserted in his rectum.
The ass bomb was detonated remotely by text message. The Al Qaeda ass bomber's intended target—a Saudi Prince (wouldn't it be great if Al Qaeda only targeted Saudi princes?)—survived the attack, the ass bomber did not. But before you laugh it off:
"This is the nightmare scenario," said Chris Yates, an aviation security consultant. On a plane at altitude, the effects of such a bomb could be catastrophic. And there is no current security system that could stop it. "Absolutely nothing other than to require people to strip naked at the airport," said Yates.And al Qaeda says it will share its new technique via the Internet very soon. There is nothing that can stop that either.
After the shoe bomber's attempt—a very nearly successful attempt—to bring down a plane over the Atlantic, we all had to start taking our shoes off at security and passing them through the metal detectors. What on earth are they going to do to us after an ass bomber brings down a passenger plane?
3
@1 It would (it detects metal plates, etc.). But perhaps the detonator wasn't made out of metal?
And I was having such a good morning. The ass bomb. Great. Did you need any more reasons to be afraid of flying, Dan?
And I was having such a good morning. The ass bomb. Great. Did you need any more reasons to be afraid of flying, Dan?
4
A Fark headline said it best:
2004: Shoe Bomber. TSA: "Remove your shoes, Citizen."
2006: Liquid Bomber. TSA: "No water for you, Citizen."
2009: Body-cavity Bomber. TSA: "Bend over, Citizen"
2004: Shoe Bomber. TSA: "Remove your shoes, Citizen."
2006: Liquid Bomber. TSA: "No water for you, Citizen."
2009: Body-cavity Bomber. TSA: "Bend over, Citizen"
5
What about the new full body scanners that are being tested (in the airport of my hometown Tulsa, for example)? You can see the outline of people's underwear and the shapes of their bodies under their clothes. Could security detect an ass bomb?
7
Dogs have got to be able to sniff that out though. Wouldn't be pleasant, but would help narrow down the number of full cavity searches.
9
I'm envisioning two guys, one with his pants around his ankles, wincing in pain, as his compatriot tries to shove something large and plastic up his ass...probably with an improper amount of lube...without context this is pretty gay. Even with context it's kind of gay. Doesn't being anally raped by plastic explosives kind of go against some tenant of Islam? I mean it's got to right? Wouldn't that prevent the heavenly rewards? I mean think about it. You saunter up to hot virgins in heaven, drop trow, and declare your intention to know them biblically...and you're met with titters and pointing instead of oohs and aaahs because you've got lube dripping out your violated terrorist butt.
10
If it was a mobile phone based bomb, it can't be that hard to detect radio signals coming from the guy's ass.
http://www.google.com/products?hl=en&q=c…
http://www.google.com/products?hl=en&q=c…
13
@7 I love how people are immediately: "Well, we will just have to let dogs put their noses in everyone's ass".
I think what we really need to do is to think of this problem a different way.
I think what we really need to do is to think of this problem a different way.
14
They better start hiring sexier TSA Agents now- "hey hottie, you can check my cavities if I can check yours.." *wink*
I'm sure they'll need booths for that too, a glory hole seems appropriate for that right? You know to protect annonymity for those who don't have bombs shoved up their ass...
I'm sure they'll need booths for that too, a glory hole seems appropriate for that right? You know to protect annonymity for those who don't have bombs shoved up their ass...
17
They could almost as easily implant a bomb surgically (especially since the messenger would not expect to survive), so cavity searches would be about as useful as shoe removal (not useful). There is no solution.
18
@13,
What's the matter with that? That's a dog's standard greeting to other dogs and humans alike.
What's the matter with that? That's a dog's standard greeting to other dogs and humans alike.
22
Check for the electronic signal. In order to work it would have to have a signature that extended beyond the bombers' body. If people put all their cellular devices in the tray and there's still a tranceiver either sending or reflecting signal on their body, time for an x-ray.
23
I would image that chemical detectors will be the solution to this. New machines or possibly dogs.
@12 - explosive diarrhea. That's funny.
@12 - explosive diarrhea. That's funny.
27
Goes to show how false it is to say that these creatures are religious or followers of the Muslim faith. Not only do they murder innocent people but also use their body in ways that are anathema to their religion. I think that the best thing that could happen to these Al Qaeda idiots and to all their ilk is to be known from now on as 'men" who like to shove things up their asses, that sort of ridicule will surely end up driving their recruiting numbers to zero. Much better than any U.S combat forces can.
29
27, Like you, they cherry pick their scriptures, and pick out the stuff they can use to attack others, while ignoring what they don't want to follow. You are more like them than you'd like to think.
30
He had a POUND of explosives, plus the detonator? How in the hell could he walk around and attempt to behave normally with a pound of stuff shoved up his ass? He spent 30 hours like that...how did he keep from crapping?
31
I would say travel on Amtrak more but some of their time schedules are pretty ridiculous. I mean, my stepmother wants to visit grandchildren in Spokane. The train only leaves Everett at 5:30pm and arrives past Midnight. Coming back it leaves Spokane at 2am and arrives 8:30am
I was glad that I did not have to take off my shoes at the Frankfurt Am Main Airport recently.
I was glad that I did not have to take off my shoes at the Frankfurt Am Main Airport recently.
32
@ 27 - judging all Muslims by these assholes makes as much sense as judging all Christians by the guy who shot the abortion doctor. Or judging all Christians by comparing them to you.
33
sorry, lovechild. they're muslim, and devout. they believe that shit or they wouldn't kill themselves.
34
@22 - actually, no. You can design radio circuits that sleep for a predetermined time and even turn back on from a piezoelectric switch to avoid detection.
But this does point out WHERE al-Qaeda is - in Saudi Arabia and Yemen, neither of whom are (or ever have been) our allies.
But this does point out WHERE al-Qaeda is - in Saudi Arabia and Yemen, neither of whom are (or ever have been) our allies.
35
Of course, you could always use a cellphone signal blocker, but I'm not sure how that might negatively effect airplane systems.
37
@27 Better yet when a suspected member of al-qaeda is caught they are automatically searched annally. Embarrass them. This action proves how nutty and desperate these people are.
38
It's really not such a big sacrifice to make,
since,
as Dan assures us,
everyone's ass will leak anyway,
eventually...
since,
as Dan assures us,
everyone's ass will leak anyway,
eventually...
39
Ya know, there's no way you're walking normally with all that business shoved up there. Can they not train TSA agents to watch for bowl-legged shuffles?
40
Maybe Homeland Security should add purchases of Imodium to their profile monitoring. How else are you gonna keep a pound of C4 up your butt for 24 hours or more?
42
@41, spinoff: think of all the early detections of colon cancer! Hmmm... since public-option healthcare seems to be going down to defeat in Congress at the moment, maybe we need to develop rapid-throughput whole-body MRIs for all airline passengers. I'd take an otherwise pointless trip annually in the absence of any other affordable healthcare.
47
An ultrasound might be able to detect an echogenic item inside the rectum. It's quick, no radiation, and takes only a few seconds.
48
Fear of terrorism is what does the damage to a society or an economy, much more so than the terrorism itself. The patriotic thing would be to simply mentally lump terrorism into the causes of the Senseless Death Index® that we already readily accept: autos, guns, cigarettes and deficient healthcare, numbers which far dwarf the loss of the occasional airliner. Stoicism/Nihilism is the answer, people! Besides, if we proved it wasn't going to change our lives, then no one would bother blowing themselves up to impress us.
49
Actually, bomb sniffer dogs should be a quite tidy solution for ass-bombs. Better than that, dogs have such a different relationship to smell than we do that shit doesn't stink to them the way it does to us; sniffing for ass-bombs would be about as repellent to them as scanning an unclean sidewalk for lost keys and loose change would be to us. The fact that a pound of plastique is stuffed up someone's butt won't stop the dogs from detecting it any more than stops cancer sniffing dogs from discovering organ or bone-based tumors.
Better still, we're developing mechanical sniffers that can detect very tiny traces. If we all have to step into the poofer, rather than randomly selected subjects, that won't slow us down even five minutes. (One of the most amusing experiences I had in airport security; the officer waved me through once I started giggling.) Once we're poofing everyone, it'll just become easier to put passive sniffers at various checkpoints and use them in tandem to single out the guy with the ass bomb.
And, if we did like every European country, and regarded terrorism as an acceptable hazard of living in an open, free society, and not an excuse to tear down a regime every time we get ass-bombed, the suicide terrorists might eventually get less interested in throwing their lives away to ruin the lives of two dozen innocent families while merely annoying a nation.
PS: Dogs can pro'lly sniff ass bombs about three yards away. No butt nuzzling necessary.
Better still, we're developing mechanical sniffers that can detect very tiny traces. If we all have to step into the poofer, rather than randomly selected subjects, that won't slow us down even five minutes. (One of the most amusing experiences I had in airport security; the officer waved me through once I started giggling.) Once we're poofing everyone, it'll just become easier to put passive sniffers at various checkpoints and use them in tandem to single out the guy with the ass bomb.
And, if we did like every European country, and regarded terrorism as an acceptable hazard of living in an open, free society, and not an excuse to tear down a regime every time we get ass-bombed, the suicide terrorists might eventually get less interested in throwing their lives away to ruin the lives of two dozen innocent families while merely annoying a nation.
PS: Dogs can pro'lly sniff ass bombs about three yards away. No butt nuzzling necessary.
50
Loveschild @27, it's actually the degree of their zeal to their faith that makes them frightening. The concept of destructive memes, which are ideas that allow one to override their survival instincts is a contemporary topic of study that includes, but is not limited to religious fanaticism that drives folks to charge into certain death, or otherwise throw their lives away. Scott Roeder, the assassin of Dr. George Tiller was another such a fanatic, albeit driven by a different cause. He survived, but his life is essentially forfeit.
The Muslim duty of Jihad actually covers a range of struggles to which followers can devote their lives. A military jihad is considered the least respectable of the lot. Indeed, it is far more work to devote one's life to an effort than one's death. At the same time, if you truly believe that salvation is guaranteed by stuffing a bomb up your ass, you can do it. Indeed, you won't care what the rest of the world thinks while you're boffing your seventy-two virgins in paradise.
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. -- Voltaire
The Muslim duty of Jihad actually covers a range of struggles to which followers can devote their lives. A military jihad is considered the least respectable of the lot. Indeed, it is far more work to devote one's life to an effort than one's death. At the same time, if you truly believe that salvation is guaranteed by stuffing a bomb up your ass, you can do it. Indeed, you won't care what the rest of the world thinks while you're boffing your seventy-two virgins in paradise.
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. -- Voltaire
51
@32 That did seem to be exactly Loveschild's point @27. She said that these terrorists were being bad Muslims, not that they were characteristic of Muslims. @33 and @50 addressed the actual error in Loveschild's statement, and it was an error of ignorance not bigotry as you accuse.
Loveschild is often ridiculed (usually with good reason) for the intolerant things she says, but don't assume that just because Loveschild said it, it is bigoted. Jumping on that bandwagon rather than rationally analyzing the validity of each post exposes your own prejudice.
A recent example of a perfectly reasonable statement posted by Loveschild is @6 on Mommy Fires Daddy 2009/09/29. It stood out to me as the first time I actually agreed with her since joining this community.
http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archive…
Loveschild is often ridiculed (usually with good reason) for the intolerant things she says, but don't assume that just because Loveschild said it, it is bigoted. Jumping on that bandwagon rather than rationally analyzing the validity of each post exposes your own prejudice.
A recent example of a perfectly reasonable statement posted by Loveschild is @6 on Mommy Fires Daddy 2009/09/29. It stood out to me as the first time I actually agreed with her since joining this community.
http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archive…
52
http://slog.thestranger.com/
slog/archives/2009/09/29/
mommy-fires-daddy
Sorry, I forgot it cuts off the rest of the link. You'll just need to remove the paragraph breaks in the link.
slog/archives/2009/09/29/
mommy-fires-daddy
Sorry, I forgot it cuts off the rest of the link. You'll just need to remove the paragraph breaks in the link.
53
@ 51, you're right. I misread her first sentence and thought it said that that was how all Muslims were.
Sorry, LC. Still, you ought to be the one pointing this stuff out, not other posters.
Sorry, LC. Still, you ought to be the one pointing this stuff out, not other posters.
54
@ 51, I ought to tell you that I'm very well acquainted with LC. Like a broken clock, she occasionally is right. But it's seldom because she reasoned her way to those conclusions.
57
"why can't a metal detector detect metal through flesh?"
They can. Metal implants such as joints, pins, and plates set it off all the time. Batteries do too, so the bomb cannot be remotely detonated. All the bomber would have to do is hide the explosive material, then assemble the bomb components in the lavatory from the common items found in almost all carryon bags (battery, switch, igniter).
They can. Metal implants such as joints, pins, and plates set it off all the time. Batteries do too, so the bomb cannot be remotely detonated. All the bomber would have to do is hide the explosive material, then assemble the bomb components in the lavatory from the common items found in almost all carryon bags (battery, switch, igniter).
58
I should mention a friend of mine with a titanium rod in her leg and an I am not a terrorist medical dispensation card that airport security often chooses to ignore. For reasons unknown (which we suspect have to do with family members with chequered military/criminal pasts that have meandered onto the restricted-fly list) she is randomly selected for extended security searches more than usual.
The thing is, thanks to her leg, she serves as a known positive in the metal detector arches...except when she's not. More than once she's walked through an arch without a pip. It's priceless watching the look of horror pass from face to face of the security team as they each realize they've been letting false negatives through all morning.
Oops.
The thing is, thanks to her leg, she serves as a known positive in the metal detector arches...except when she's not. More than once she's walked through an arch without a pip. It's priceless watching the look of horror pass from face to face of the security team as they each realize they've been letting false negatives through all morning.
Oops.
61
Anyone see the irony of this whole thing. "What What in the Butt" is performed by a gay flight attendant.
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