A little learning is a dangerous thing.

Some parents—ingenious, brilliant parents—are holding swine-flu parties to expose their kids early, hoping that'll work like a vaccine. Says the good Dr. Thomas Sandora of Children's Hospital in Boston:

"Intentionally exposing your child to a potentially fatal infection is never a risk worth taking."

In other afflictions, Irish prisons are preparing for Purell parties. Prisoners don't have access to alcoholic gels now, but they will if an outbreak begins:

"Prisoners here have shown ingenuity in the past—so if and when the authorities bring the raw materials in for them, they do not pass up the opportunity," said a senior officer.

"This gel is practically pure alcohol and the rumours circulating are that it can be diluted with fruit, water and sugar to give it a reasonable taste while retaining the buzz."