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News & ArtsWednesday, September 23, 2009
At Large The Local Fauna
Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Sep 23, 2009 at 10:30 AM
So i was having a beer after my talk last night near my hotel in Columbia, South Carolina, with the publisher, editor, and a couple of writers for the Columbia City Paper when THIS THING FLEW RIGHT PAST MY FACE:
It's a GIANT FLYING COCKROACH. And it's huge. The locals have given it some other name—the "Bluebug of Happiness" or something—because it's too depressing to admit that your city is swarming with GIANT FUCKING COCKROACHES that can FUCKING FLY.
5
One thing to like about Seattle is there no cockroaches (unless visitors them back in their luggage).
I remember growing up in South Carolina those "fuckers" would get into everything and you would even see them floating in the milk in your cereal bowl.
I remember growing up in South Carolina those "fuckers" would get into everything and you would even see them floating in the milk in your cereal bowl.
6
I hate to break this to you but Seattle is also swarming with cockroaches that may or may not be able to fly. We are also swarming with rats and hipsters but you see those more often than cockroaches.
7
I once bit down on one of those fuckers on my pizza. I was gagging and yelling. The pizza was on the house. Disgusting!
8
The first apartment I lived in on First Hill was infested with roaches. And while I always remember a mighty struggle with getting rid of them growing up in Fresno, we'd fumigate- they'd be back in a few months, as soon as the landlord fumigated here they never returned.
10
Tree roaches, man. They are all over the place in Louisiana. Wait until you see one three inches long or so.
12
I've been trying for years to make folks in CA believe that cr's are the size of small dogs and can fly. Thanks for spreading the word. PS. You can kill them with aerosol anti-perspirant, if you're willing to get that close.
16
Welcome to the South, Dan.
I moved here from Texas eight years ago. Since then I've seen more Seattle police officers punished for killing someone than I've seen cockroaches.
I moved here from Texas eight years ago. Since then I've seen more Seattle police officers punished for killing someone than I've seen cockroaches.
18
@ 13 is correct- they are called Palmetto bugs, can achieve a length of 3-4 inches and a height of at least 1 inch and are probably my #1 reason why I do not miss or ever want to live in the South EVER again!
19
I'm in Atlanta in a not-well-sealed house. The very, very worst is opening your laundry machine and seeing one in there. The compulsion to run the machine half a dozen times without any clothes is nearly insurmountable.
20
They have them in Seattle. Recently i was accosted by not one but two at a cap hill coffee shop. I had to stamp the shit out of them before they died. And yes they could fly.
21
@10 - I love how they literally will blanket an entire tree, making it look kind of like a weird alien organic brown tree that shimmers slightly.
23
So glad to live in Seattle. It's the only place in the USA that I've ever been where the insects aren't huge and hideous.
26
Carrboro, NC: I had just moved into a room in an old house. Opened up the bathroom cabinet on my first morning there and found one of these on the head of my toothbrush.
27
I lived in Texas for a few long years and better than deodarant is a nice big can of cheap hair spray... and a match. I figured if those fuckers could scream at some pitch other "Palmetto bugs" could hear they would learn to stay away from my apartment. Not sure they learned, but I did manage to start the apartment on fire once... still worth it for the sheer pleasure
28
This is why all you PNW-weather-complainin' arachnophobes in Seattle should give high props to all the spiders here, and the colder weather... big nasty flying bugs generally don't like spiders and colder weather.
That said, our giant slugs are awesome, as well as our beetles.
That said, our giant slugs are awesome, as well as our beetles.
29
The call them Palmetto Bugs in South Carolina. We call them roaches in North Louisiana. I live in Charleston now and for some reason, South Carolinians think only they are graced with the presence of the flying giant cockroach, alas they are mistaken. These fuckers are everywhere in low lying areas of the world.
30
Not impressed, unless it's over 1.5 inches long or in quantities of over a hundred, like my old New York apartment or the restaurant in California where I innocently sprayed Raid on what I thought was a single roach crawling up a table leg in the kitchen, only to discover that where the leg joined the tabletop was a nest, with literally THOUSANDS of roaches, from 1" to pinhead baby size (which were infinitely creepier) streaming out.
We would play tag with them, calling the exterminator out to clear our place and drive them all upstairs to a different restaurant, which worked great for a month or two until THEY called him in. "This's carbamate, really turrs 'em up insahd" he would wheeze, his red eyes dripping.
We would play tag with them, calling the exterminator out to clear our place and drive them all upstairs to a different restaurant, which worked great for a month or two until THEY called him in. "This's carbamate, really turrs 'em up insahd" he would wheeze, his red eyes dripping.
31
Really dan??
You had never seen one of those before? Wow.
They're all over texas. I wish I could've grown up somewhere without them. They used to scare the hell out of me.
You had never seen one of those before? Wow.
They're all over texas. I wish I could've grown up somewhere without them. They used to scare the hell out of me.
32
I lived in Columbia SC for a few years. Palmetto bugs, we called 'em. Crunchy on the outside, creamy on the inside. Mmmm. But I have to say, they have bigger ones down in the swamps of Louisiana or Florida.
33
I grew up in a suburb of San Diego built on a landfill. We had millions of nasty roaches everywhere. Once I sprayed an entire bottle of Direct All-Purpose Cleaner into their hole and the next day they littered the patio; their exoskeletons had turned white and bubbly- very satisfying.
34
This is one of the reasons, one of the many reasons, why I don't plan to live in the South ever again, despite having spent my first 36 years there. Shudder.
There is nothing like going into the kitchen in your bare feet to get a glass of water and feeling the tell-tale crunch and jiggle under your foot. Just the memory makes me want to barf.
There is nothing like going into the kitchen in your bare feet to get a glass of water and feeling the tell-tale crunch and jiggle under your foot. Just the memory makes me want to barf.
35
Haha, I grew up in Florida. Those things, big as your thumb, were common as sand... Now I live in San Francisco; ain't got no roaches here.
38
If it makes any difference (it won't) when cockroaches are handled by humans, they go ick! and then have to stop and clean themselves.
40
Ew, I had the pleasure of meeting one for the first time in Tucson. I had ordered from those "healthy" Mexican joints, and as I was sitting outside waiting for my food, I saw one of those puppies down near my foot. I snapped a picture of it with my cam phone just before it crawled under the wall to enter the restaurant. Needless to say, I didn't stay to enjoy my meal.
41
We do have roaches here, but they're mostly quite tiny compared to palmetto bugs, some of whom could probably jack your car if they had opposable thumbs. Let's hope they don't evolve.
A cat is a good thing to have around in a climate with large roaches; a fairly predatory housecat is death on those things. I never have to worry about the Giant European House Spiders living under my house, because I never see one more than about a foot from the door that hasn't been played with until it came apart.
A cat is a good thing to have around in a climate with large roaches; a fairly predatory housecat is death on those things. I never have to worry about the Giant European House Spiders living under my house, because I never see one more than about a foot from the door that hasn't been played with until it came apart.
42
OMFG, I would pass out if one of those flew up and landed on me. I lived in an old house in SoCal that had giant roaches, but you never saw more than one at a time. When I was young, we lived in a house that had constant roach troubles, with the small ones that came in the hundreds. At least the large ones around here tend to be few and far between.
And @41--as tempting as that is, I'm not sure I would ever let my cat lick my hand again if I knew it ate stuff like this. Blech! Bugs like this are my undoing.
And @41--as tempting as that is, I'm not sure I would ever let my cat lick my hand again if I knew it ate stuff like this. Blech! Bugs like this are my undoing.
43
@JunieGirl actually cat spit is pretty nasty at the best of times, more bacteria then human spit and much more then dog spit. Its why cat bites are the worse.
45
Can't tell from the photo what the scale is, but 5-inchers are not uncommon in North Carolina in the summer.
Yeah, it's gross and creepy. But what can you do?
Yeah, it's gross and creepy. But what can you do?
47
damn it Dan you have to bring back nightmares of being naked in a past boyfriends house when one of those fucking things started flying around the fucking bedroom. Needless to say I didn't stay there anymore more. Tho I am not sure it was the flying roach or the fact that I came to the realization as I killed it with a D&D gaming book (one of many), that this guy was a dork beyond all others.
48
Ah, the good ol' American cockroach. Why do you hate it--and by extension all of America--so?
By the way, even if you don't see them flying all that much, all cockroaches have wings.
By the way, even if you don't see them flying all that much, all cockroaches have wings.
49
If a palmetto bug in SC is the same as a tree roach in Texas, then they do invade houses. I spent a very, very long year in Houston about a hundred years ago, and one night I went to the pantry to retrieve a granola bar. Out of the box crawls this thing that looked like the insect version of Attack of the 50-Foot Woman. Probably about 4 inches long, it moved v-e-r-y slowly until threatened and then it was like lightning. It's the closest I've ever come to a heart attack.
50
a palmetto bug in the palmetto state! what did you expect? the one in the picture is just an average ordinary flying cockroach! i'd really like to see your reaction if one woke you out of a deep slumber crawling across your butt? as a former floridain it would be a real grin.
51
Don't go to Honolulu, then. I'm fine with insects in general and lived in Tokyo and NYC without developing cockroach phobia, but after a couple of years visiting Hawaii, I can't even stand to look at them. My parents lived in a nice place in Kahala, but at night you could see big roaches all over the garden wall and scuttling on the path to the pool. They'd also occasionally fly over the dinner table, crawled across my father's face in his sleep (he smooshed it my accident oh dear god in heaven) and left extremely yucky droppings behind picture frames.
Now, when I see one, I can be heard fiercely moaning "gross gross gross gross" as I swat at their hideous nastiness.
Now, when I see one, I can be heard fiercely moaning "gross gross gross gross" as I swat at their hideous nastiness.
52
These critters are infinitely worse when you have long hair. I have never had one land in mine, but it is a recurring nightmare. Have lived from South Florida to coastal Virginia- never saw one in VA- there must be a palmetto bug line somewhere in eastern NC.
They were called palmetto bugs in Florida too- I always thought it was for the plant, not the SC symbol.
Hope everything else about the visit was pleasant. Spent 12 mostly decent years in Cola.
They were called palmetto bugs in Florida too- I always thought it was for the plant, not the SC symbol.
Hope everything else about the visit was pleasant. Spent 12 mostly decent years in Cola.
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