Slog

News & Arts

Line Out

Music & the City
at Night

« No Charges in Baby Seagull Murders | John Lennon at Pacific Place Mall! »

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Health / ??!! A Tooth for an Eye

Posted by Lindy West on Thu, Sep 17, 2009 at 2:43 PM

PATRICK FARRELL / MCCLATCHY NEWSPAPERS

So.....Have you heard about Ole Nana Tooth-Eye yet!? That's her, to the left there—just a regular, garden-variety old lady with a regular, garden-variety old eyeball. OR SO SHE WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE.

But there's something verrrrrrrry unusual going on on the other side of this woman's face (photo after the jump). It doesn't make any sense, and it will destroy your brains, and you should prepare yourself now. Say goodbye to everything you ever thought you knew about eyeballs, teeth, little old ladies, human decency, medical science, and sharks! (Wait, not sharks.) Here we go:

A 60-year-old woman blind for nine years has regained useful vision after a rare operation in Miami in which surgeons removed one of her teeth, drilled a hole in it, inserted a plastic lens into the hole and implanted the tooth-lens combination into her eye.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I'm sorry. Are you still here? I had to bite down on this leather strap and have a seizure for a few months. More:

The multistage procedure began when Dr. Yoh Sawatari, a dental surgeon at the University of Miami/Jackson Memorial Medical Center, extracted Thornton's eyetooth, shaved it flat horizontally, drilled a hole in it and inserted an acrylic lens. He implanted the tooth/lens prosthesis under the skin beneath the clavicle at the top of her shoulder for three months so the combination could heal together.

A month later, surgeons removed a patch of skin from the inside of her cheek and laid it over her cornea to replace the moist tissue lost to the disease.

Two months after that, Perez extracted the tooth-lens combination from her shoulder, cut a flap out of the skin over the center of her cornea, cut a hole down into the eye and inserted the tooth-lens. He sewed the flap shut to hold in the prosthesis and cut a tiny hole so the lens can protrude a couple of millimeters out of the eye.

I have several comments.

First of all, HEY LADY! YOUR EYE IS A TOOTH. YOUR TOOTH IS AN EYE.
Also, WHY DID THEY LITERALLY USE YOUR EYETOOTH TO MAKE YOUR EYE-TOOTH!? THAT IS UNACCEPTABLY LITERAL!
Third of all, it is really, really awesome that you can see now. Congratulations! Science is the best.
And finally, I REALLY AM STILL NOT CLEAR ON HOW A TOOTH BECOMES AN EYE.

If you can make a tooth into an eye using "a lens" and "a flap," why not use, like...
A marble?
A glass eye?
Another human's actual eye?
A finger?
A tangerine?
A tiny doorknob?
Or, if we're sticking with the tooth theme, a little set of false teeth so that when you blink it's all "NOM NOM NOM"? Hahahahahaa. Anyway.

Shit is fucked up.

"I'm so thankful that the doctors at Bascom Palmer never gave up on me; they kept searching," Thornton told CBS. "I'm looking forward to seeing my seven youngest grandchildren for the first time."

I am an asshole.

Thanks to Ashley for telling me about tooth-eye, and for saying the words "tiny doorknob."

TOOTH-EYE

TOOTH-EYE

TOOTH-EYE

FacebookShare

Comments (35) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

Oh, how novel. "It's an eyetooth, so why the hell not?"

Posted by Baconcat on September 17, 2009 at 2:45 PM

As icky and weird as this is, my guess is that they decided that her own tissues would be much less likely to cause the body to reject the new eye. A glass eye wouldn't work because you couldn't effectively rewire the optic nerve to see through it. Apparently this woman's optic nerve must still have been functioning, but the rest of the eye was deteriorating.

Still, creepy and weird. A little Frankenstein-ish, if you ask me.

Posted by arts&letters on September 17, 2009 at 2:49 PM

whaaat the fuck i wish i hadnt clicked. oh my god. im reading this during my lecture and the kid behind me made a choking noise of confusion.

Posted by yourleastfavorite on September 17, 2009 at 2:51 PM

whaaat the fuck i wish i hadnt clicked. oh my god. im reading this during my lecture and the kid behind me made a choking noise of confusion.

Posted by braaains on September 17, 2009 at 2:51 PM

lindy, you are too funny. it's unfair.

Posted by spoiler alert on September 17, 2009 at 2:52 PM

Wow. I think the tooth-eye is beautiful.

Posted by Fnarf

on September 17, 2009 at 2:55 PM

AHHHHHHHHH! IT'S THE EFFING EYE OF SAURON!!1!

seriously though- good for her.

Posted by UNPAID COMMENTER on September 17, 2009 at 2:56 PM

I just gasped so loudly after seeing that picture that my dogs came running over to see what was wrong. Glad she can see, science is awesome, but.... damn.

Posted by Julie in Eugene on September 17, 2009 at 2:56 PM

In related news, Apple immediately filed a multi-billion dollar suit against Thornton for her unauthorized use of a iTooth.

Posted by dicon on September 17, 2009 at 3:17 PM

"I'm looking forward to seeing my seven youngest grandchildren for the first time."

Here's hoping her grandchildren don't go running in terror. "Granny, your eye looks like something out of a bad horror movie.

Posted by Reverse Polarity on September 17, 2009 at 3:19 PM

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3658/3684…

If you dare.

Posted by Banna

on September 17, 2009 at 3:29 PM

this has been around a while, you're a bit late to the party... and while it is odd looking, you're pretty fuckin' juvenile in your reaction. This is a triumph of modern medicine, of creative empirical thinking and experimentation on the part of those who came up with this, oh, and yeah, she gets to SEE. har har har.

Posted by myr on September 17, 2009 at 3:30 PM

No, no, no, no, no! Also, grandchildren all pretty much look the same to old people, don't they? We're gonna need to get some one-way glass over that eye-tooth grandma. I don't see the point in traumatizing these kids in such an above-average way.

Posted by Dougsf on September 17, 2009 at 3:31 PM

We need more of the "unacceptably literal", especially when science is involved.

PS

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHMFGODDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Posted by STJA on September 17, 2009 at 3:37 PM

laughed so hard barf came up.

Posted by Trent Moorman on September 17, 2009 at 3:38 PM

You're so mean to this lady. So mean, Lindy.

Posted by Kyleen on September 17, 2009 at 3:38 PM

@ 12

Hey myr, suck it. I'm a lover of science, and to act like this reaction is unacceptable or unexpected is sort of inhuman. Get over yourself. Science is cool and gross and does weird shit with teeth and eyes, and THAT'S WEIRD. Triumph bedamned.

Posted by STJA on September 17, 2009 at 3:40 PM

@10 My thought too: it's great she can now see her grandkids cringing and running away from their beloved and terrifying grandmother.

Posted by Allyn on September 17, 2009 at 3:48 PM

Mommy, why does Grandma always wear sunglasses?

Posted by UNPAID COMMENTER on September 17, 2009 at 3:56 PM

If her life's a little easier or happier because of this, then I don't give a shit what she looks like.

Posted by Urgutha Forka on September 17, 2009 at 4:14 PM

why has lindy been channeling Adrian Ryan's writing style lately?

Posted by michael strangeways

on September 17, 2009 at 4:23 PM

Lindy, you f*cking KILL me. Damn you.

Posted by Kelly O on September 17, 2009 at 4:23 PM

The medical breakthroughs were seeing are awe inspiring. Proof of the existence of God, cause only he would give us humans the intelligence needed to come up with something like this. And i agree with Urgutha, if this gives her partial eyesight then i'm betting she doesn't care what she looks like, and neither do eye. It's only those who are superficial and fixed on looks that can't see the magnificence in these sort of medical procedures.

Posted by Loveschild

on September 17, 2009 at 4:35 PM

- neither do I........no pun intended lol.

Posted by Loveschild

on September 17, 2009 at 4:37 PM

*adores you*

Posted by meggers on September 17, 2009 at 4:38 PM

Wait till she looks at herself in the mirror...hey, my tooth is missing!

Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe

on September 17, 2009 at 4:53 PM

Whatever, Loveschild. If God had wanted this lady to see, he would have sent Jesus or James Dobson over to cure her. What those doctors did was just not natural. Also not natural = butt sex.

Posted by Julie in Eugene on September 17, 2009 at 6:30 PM

Red Riding Hood: "grandma, what strange eyes you have"

Grandma: "the better to eat you with"

Posted by mattt on September 17, 2009 at 7:34 PM

Maybe they can remove some of your fat ass and give you a brain, Lindy.

Posted by Why Isn't Anyone Stealing Lindy Away from the Stranger? on September 17, 2009 at 7:56 PM

Lindy, I'm pretty certain I am in love with you. I don't use these words lightly.

Posted by pointy on September 17, 2009 at 8:28 PM

Sorry LC, but once again this is a case where yet another of "God's miracles" requires neither a god nor a supernatural manifestation to have occurred.

Homo Sapiens made this possible not "God", and Dr. Sawatari and his team deserves full credit for their extraordinary innovation and skill.

Good luck Ms Thornton, may you enjoy many happy years seeing your grandchildren grow up.

Posted by COMTE

on September 17, 2009 at 9:17 PM

Lindy is a common drunk. Does that explain a lot?

Posted by Eat Pussy at 6pm on September 17, 2009 at 10:09 PM

Mattt: very good.

Posted by heh on September 17, 2009 at 11:22 PM

"NOM, NOM, NOM." I almost died.

Posted by Michael of the Green on September 18, 2009 at 2:53 PM

G-d to all previous millenia of the blind: FUCK YOU. It just wasn't mankind's time to discover artificial eyeballs yet. I could have revealed it to them (via prophesy!) but I just didn't feel like it. You goddamned sinners... I saw you coveting that ox of your neighbors. Stay blind, assholes!

Posted by CP on September 18, 2009 at 3:34 PM