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Friday, September 11, 2009

News Too Soon?

Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, Sep 11, 2009 at 9:03 AM

Americans Observing 9/11 By Trying Not To Masturbate

Comments (34) RSS

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Now that's sacrifice!

Posted by Root on September 11, 2009 at 9:06 AM

Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET! (Bawwwwwwwww)

Posted by douchus on September 11, 2009 at 9:09 AM

Genius. And too true. I was in sweatpants watching an early Chris Noth Law & Order that morning. And it DID seem disrespectful to finish up.

Posted by gloomy gus on September 11, 2009 at 9:15 AM

Too late. Someone should have told me about this last night.

Posted by eric (the other one) on September 11, 2009 at 9:22 AM

freaking hilarious.

Posted by jmahlon on September 11, 2009 at 9:24 AM

Not soon enough Dan, not soon enough.

Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on September 11, 2009 at 9:27 AM

Yikes. I forgot about 9/11 three times already today, then I saw Barbara Walters and that Hasselbeck bitch and threw up my breakfast.

Posted by CommonKnowledge on September 11, 2009 at 9:28 AM

This is why God's grace will continue to slip away from you mr Savage.

Posted by Loveschild

on September 11, 2009 at 9:30 AM

But, but, it doesn't say anything about having someone else do it for us? That's okay isn't it?

Posted by kim in portland

on September 11, 2009 at 9:31 AM

@8 save the I-told-you-sos for when you're roasting alongside Dan in hell. Until then, it's just so much blather.

Posted by samiaint on September 11, 2009 at 9:34 AM

Crap. I knew I should have checked Slog before visiting xtube.

Posted by tjc on September 11, 2009 at 9:38 AM

I don't know - we need more of the pr0n that was being handed out at SLOG Happy last night ...

Posted by Will in Seattle

on September 11, 2009 at 9:41 AM

Never Forget 9-11 = -2!

Posted by Josh Bomb

on September 11, 2009 at 9:43 AM

I forgot, what happened on 9-11?

Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on September 11, 2009 at 9:48 AM

Once saved, always saved Ms Loveschild

Posted by Jenny from the Block on September 11, 2009 at 9:53 AM

Let's just say I celebrated in my own way...

Posted by iflurry

on September 11, 2009 at 10:05 AM

@9 why? Because God hates masturbation, God hates satire, God hates fags, or some combination?

Or is it just that God's grace slips away from everyone except you and your ilk?

Posted by Joe M on September 11, 2009 at 10:09 AM

The Stranger cross-posting anything from The Onion IS masturbation

Posted by Mahtli69 on September 11, 2009 at 10:10 AM

Whoops, @8. Sorry Kim. God's grace has also slipped away from my keyboard.

Posted by Joe M on September 11, 2009 at 10:10 AM

@9 --- You just aren't paying attention, are you? Dan has repeatedly said he doesn't care what your god says, does or thinks.

Besides, your own value system says God never leaves you alone etc. Don't you ever get tired of being contradictory??

Posted by hartiepie on September 11, 2009 at 10:10 AM

Make that @8 for LC (love ya Kim)

Posted by hartiepie on September 11, 2009 at 10:12 AM

it's no tribute.avi.

Posted by undead ayn rand on September 11, 2009 at 10:14 AM

9/11 is when Princess Diana was killed, right?

The Onion's handling of the sep. 11 attacks was really wonderful. Especially this one:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/281…

Posted by Urgutha Forka on September 11, 2009 at 10:17 AM

Not a moment too soon.

Of course I live in a more ungodly part of the world, but I haven't noticed fewer than usual asking me the date when filling out receipts today. Well, one person caught himself and said "oh!"

Posted by Sili on September 11, 2009 at 10:41 AM

God's grace doesn't slip away, loveschild.

Posted by abt on September 11, 2009 at 10:42 AM

Hooray for 9/12!

Posted by heywhatsit!? on September 11, 2009 at 10:58 AM

Put me down as one who was an hour late to the vigil. Should I be in a shame spiral?

Posted by Jersey on September 11, 2009 at 11:02 AM

No, you should honor 9/11 by masturbating. After all, they hate us for our freedom... to masturbate.

Posted by keshmeshi on September 11, 2009 at 11:35 AM

http://www.churchofeuthanasia.org/catalo…

Posted by violetfist on September 11, 2009 at 11:35 AM

@9:
If someone else does it for you it's not masturbation, it's a hand job. Which is still awesome.
Also: @28 for the win. Seriously, the terrorists hate us for our sexual freedom. Everybody rub one out for freedom today. It's your patriotic duty.

Posted by Indy on September 11, 2009 at 12:05 PM

"I knew it wasn't right to finish up."

I fucking love the Onion.

Posted by Confluence on September 11, 2009 at 1:02 PM

I love it when Brits get all worked up over November Ninth.

Posted by Fnarf

on September 11, 2009 at 1:14 PM

By the way, as someone who bitched loudly about the WWF poster a few days ago. THIS, I don't have a problem with, because they're not trying to sell me something.

I didn't find it all that funny, but not offensive.

Because my opinion matters ;)

Posted by Cracker Jack on September 11, 2009 at 2:24 PM

LOL -- is sex still okay?

Posted by caliclimbergrl on September 11, 2009 at 3:52 PM