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Friday, August 21, 2009

Sex / Books / The Ladies The Penis of a Literary Character...

Posted by Paul Constant on Fri, Aug 21, 2009 at 4:25 PM

"Here comes the sparkle pony!"

...specifically, Edward Cullen from Twilight...will be available for sale on September 1st. The unofficial Twilight tie-in dildo sparkles, just like everyone's favorite vegetarian Mormon vampire. If you're interested, Edward is only slightly larger than average: 6.75 by 1.55 inches.

And for you straight boys who now need a good brain-scrubbing: Maybe you should check out this NSFW video demonstrating a dissolving bikini.

Comments (14) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

wait is paul constant gay

Posted by Swearengen on August 21, 2009 at 4:56 PM

A choice quote from the website:

The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience.

Ew.

Posted by UNPAID COMMENTER on August 21, 2009 at 5:01 PM

@1, no, but he tries awfully hard to make us think he is. Too hard, in fact.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on August 21, 2009 at 5:04 PM

"Don't be surprised if this toy seduces you, its long sleek shaft and deliciously ridged head calling to you in the twilight. But don't save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch him sparkle."

well, at least they write better than Stephanie Meyer.

Posted by pissy mcslogbot on August 21, 2009 at 5:11 PM

I don't believe the average size dong is only 5.5. I've had a few dongs up my back side and let me tell you, 5.5 is not the average. The again, maybe it's only guys with bigger ding dongs that want to put them up my pooper. *shrug*

Posted by brokn2pieces on August 21, 2009 at 5:12 PM

Sometimes I think I understand what SLOG is talking about, and then there is this kind of article where I don't understand any of it, except for the naked chicks in the pool.

Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe

on August 21, 2009 at 6:14 PM

@5

Ouch.

@3

Why does Paul Constant want to be gay?

Posted by Confluence on August 21, 2009 at 7:41 PM

@7: Paul is charmed by the Baconcat, that's why.

He calls me Bacos. We grease eachother up and play Yahtzee, then we make out.

Posted by Baconcat on August 21, 2009 at 9:40 PM

I didn't see any evidence in that video that the fasteners on the bikinis actually dissolved. Then again, I didn't really give a shit why they came off.

Posted by Greg on August 21, 2009 at 9:40 PM