Slog
News & ArtsFriday, August 21, 2009
Death How Much Booze Would It Take to Kill Me?
Posted by Jonah Spangenthal-Lee on Fri, Aug 21, 2009 at 1:38 PM
This is a question man has pondered since the dawn of time.
According to the surely-super-scientific Booze Death Calculator, it would take exactly 32 bottles of Bridgeport IPA (selected for its deliciousness) to put me down for good.
So, all you Slog commenters out there that want to see me dead, now you know what it'll take.
3
Either this calculator is broken or my liver is made of steel. I've totally had more than 13 Manhattans, and--unfortunately for some--I'm still here.
5
j s-l, what do you weigh??? i thought you were a little guy, i must be misremembering. . . .
@3, it says within 3 hours. . .
@3, it says within 3 hours. . .
6
@3: I think it's due to the fine print where it says estimates are based on a three hour period...cause I've certainly had way more than my death point before...just not in 3 hours.
7
I agree with @1 - if you used a renal application it would be far more fatal more quickly, if you digest it, it depends on your BMI and metabolism and ability to process alcohol, so there's some genetic variation depending on Asian or European DNA splicing to consider.
Stick to pot - much safer.
Stick to pot - much safer.
8
Rainier, Manny's, Tecate, and Brooklyn Lager aren't on the list, so I guess they can't kill me. Party On.
10
32 shots of whiskey will kill me in 3 hours? I've done that... well, with vodka, and I didn't die... I go smashed and fucked some random dude who was equally drunk... but we both survived.
11
Well, I now know how much you weigh.
Interesting side note -- the calculator says it would take 12 shots of Everclear to kill me. When I used to work in a bar I would close every shift with five shots, then go home and watch T.V. Evidently I was halfway to killing myself four nights a week.
Interesting side note -- the calculator says it would take 12 shots of Everclear to kill me. When I used to work in a bar I would close every shift with five shots, then go home and watch T.V. Evidently I was halfway to killing myself four nights a week.
12
Sloggers don't want to see you dead, dear Jonah - they want you in their BED. Don't let the BridgePort go to your head.
(see what I did there)
(see what I did there)
13
Damn @JSL, you are fricken' huge! At 265 lbs, you'll probably die of heart disease first. Cheers!
14
It would take 30758 bottles of O'Douls to kill me.
I now know a means of death worse than being burned or buried alive.
I now know a means of death worse than being burned or buried alive.
15
Will @7, "renal application"? Does that word just sound knowledgeabilified to you or something? Because I don't think it means what you think it means.
17
I find it disturbing that it would only take a cup and a half of everclear to kill me. and yet it's sold in huge bottles.
18
@15, maybe he has some strange disease where his kidneys are on the outside of his body? That would explain some things...
19
@15: I'm guessing he misspelled 'anal' and didn't notice because the computer didn't underline it for him in red.
20
It would take 19 bottle of Old English to kill me. So I have to drink 19 forties in 3 hours? Sounds like a challenge! So that would be just under 10 rounds of Edward Fortyhands.
23
Maybe Will meant the administration of alcohol through a dialysis machine. I mean, really, anything is possible with him.
24
@8 for the win, @9 for the spam.
Yeah, I hate that auto-correct feature too. But pump it directly into your kidneys if you want.
Yeah, I hate that auto-correct feature too. But pump it directly into your kidneys if you want.
26
Y'all are welcome to purchase me 23 glasses of sparkling wine at the next Slog Happy to help me meet my maker. I prefer Spanish.
28
It would take 25 B-52s to kill me, or 23 shots of Tequila. I got sick two weekends ago off of 3 beers and 3 shots of tequila, so I think that calculator is a bit off.
29
15 shots of vodka or tequila would do it to me too. Which is nuts, since the sickest I've ever been from alcohol (read: the stupidest I've every been) involved, I think, 5 shots of tequila and 3 martinis (probably 3 shots a piece). Definitely within 3 hours. So, apparently I was only a shot or two away form death. That's great.
30
Only a litre of vodka to do me in. Crazy. I'll have to add that to my list of methods. I'm guessing you have to do it without puking, any tips?
31
There are 15 dirty martinis between me and the grave. Which, now that I say it, sounds like it should be in a song.
32
hmm...what if you factor in a person who never drinks? I wonder how many drinks I could drink, because I'm really fat, but never drink... which would win out? fatness or no tolerance?
33
Is it bad that 16 rum'n'cokes doesn't sound like THAT many rum'n'cokes to me? Is it because coke is also bad for you? What about rum'n'diet coke?
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