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Thursday, August 20, 2009

News The Morning News

Posted by Lindy West on Thu, Aug 20, 2009 at 7:51 AM

Fun, Fun, Fun in the #1 Place for Fun. Taliban shoots rockets at Afghan polling stations.

You're Just a Company and I Can Hire You to Kill People? The CIA contracted Blackwater to assassinate terrorists.

Frowny-face. Ailing Ted Kennedy asks Massachusetts leaders to think ahead.

This Is Not an Innuendo About Clinton's Wang. Hurricane Bill "could brush Cape Cod."

Lots and Lots of People Checked "Nutter" on Their Ballots. Philadelphia's Mayor Nutter warns something about something-or-other.

Mine Is Not On There. U.S. News & World Report releases their Top Ten Liberal Arts Colleges.

Livin' on a Prayer. Obama will explain healthcare to religious people.

Maybe It's America's Fault for Believing in Magic Berries. Oprah and Dr. Oz sue acai berries.

"I've been reduced to a shit and piss factory. I hurt always." Americans are living longer and longer and soon science will make sure that we will never die we will just get older and sort of slowly decompose (I blame Obama).

So...If I Have 781,250 Daughters, and I Vaccinate Them All, One Will Surely Die (Unconfirmed)!? Parents do the math: "32 unconfirmed deaths" among "over 25 million doses of Gardasil."

"Not the Queen of Hearts!" Stewart Lee on Princess Diana, E.T., and the overemotional shrieking grief of twats.

Comments (18) RSS

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Props to you Lindy on the David Cross quote. I love his comedy.

Posted by ERIN! on August 20, 2009 at 8:13 AM

The acai berry craze, the green tea craze, the pomegranate craze. I can't wait until the arsenic and battery acid craze.

And if you're taking medical advise from Oprah and her TV doctor, well you deserve what you've got coming to you.

Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on August 20, 2009 at 8:15 AM

I hope Obama makes his plea to the religious really simple.

"So, Jesus said we should love our neighbor. That includes making sure they don't die of the dropsy."

Posted by Baconcat on August 20, 2009 at 8:17 AM

And Whitworth didn't make the top ten?!? Well fuck! I want my god damn money back Bill Robinson!!!! I want it back now!!!!

Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on August 20, 2009 at 8:17 AM

Funniest part, right at the beginning: "ninth of November".

Posted by Fnarf

on August 20, 2009 at 8:17 AM

"Lots and Lots of People Checked 'Nutter' on Their Ballots. Philadelphia's Mayor Nutter warns something about something-or-other."

Come on, this is like getting the news from GIR.

Posted by DOOOOM on August 20, 2009 at 8:20 AM

So instead of interviewing anyone who knew one of these 35 "unconfirmed" victims, they interview someone who has heard the victims might exist and is now considering stopping her daughter's vaccination mid-treatment? Good work, way to keep that completely unverifiable story churning!

Posted by Aislinn on August 20, 2009 at 8:25 AM

Well hey, Lindy, at least that degree got you this wonderful, high-paying job at The Stranger, so quit yer whining.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on August 20, 2009 at 8:29 AM

The garasil thing...it's so silly. Do people not realize that children die of things unrelated to vaccinations?

Posted by Arsenic7 on August 20, 2009 at 9:00 AM

re: Gardasil story, the way that "side effects" are recorded for vaccines and drugs is basically this: ANYTHING bad that happens within a period of time after receiving a treatment is duly tabulated. Well, in a group of millions of people, some (and perhaps many) will die, faint, piss green, get splinters, have a headache, whatever. Few if any of those reported side effects will EVER be linked to the treatment received, but the database must be built in case some fluky unexpected pattern begins to emerge. The problem is that most people are really bad at basic scientific understanding, risk assessment, comparative risk, etc. And if you're the parent of that one-in-a-kajillion kid who dies after being vaccinated, you will be racked by doubt and recriminations and a desire to sue.

Posted by rob!

on August 20, 2009 at 9:06 AM

I'm always haunted by the phrase "death is the most negative patient health outcome". Can't remember where I heard it, but it sums up modern medicine's myopic goal of keeping people around well past when they're ready to go.

Makes perfect sense when you understand the profit motive of extensive end of life care. What's really amazing is the higher proportion of "religious" people who are terrified of dying.

Posted by GlibReaper on August 20, 2009 at 9:42 AM

Where did you go to college?

Posted by Sir Learnsalot

on August 20, 2009 at 9:42 AM

To bad Kennedy didn't think ahead... Say in MAY 2008... When he was first diagnosed with BRAIN CANCER!!!

Arrogant fuck!

Now he expects the laws to be rewritten because he was too obsessed with power to step down when he should have.

I hope health care reform fails for lack of his vote alone.

Posted by You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me on August 20, 2009 at 9:50 AM

My personal peeve about Gardasil is that it's being marketed as a cervical cancer vaccine.
It's not. It's an HPV vaccine. HPV happens to cause most (but not all) cervical cancer, but Gardasil does not eliminate cancer, it eliminates one potential cause of that cancer.

It would be like marketing aspirin as a sex enhancer, because it cures headaches, and headaches make wives less likely to have sex with their husbands, so by curing the headache, you'll get more sex. Gardasil is being marketed using one of its side effects.

Of course, I know the reason why. Because of frightened, conservative, overprotective, sheltering, overly religious parents who can't stand to hear anything about the filthy, dirty sechs that they naively think their children aren't having.

Oh, and why aren't boys getting Gardasil? They can get HPV too, right? What's the deal?

Posted by Urgutha Forka on August 20, 2009 at 10:42 AM

Wooo Pomona! Those hundreds of thousands of dollars made sense after all!

Posted by Cook on August 20, 2009 at 11:01 AM

You can participate in a free HPV trial at the UW - it was in the UW Daily this week - for women 16-26 as I recall.

Posted by Will in Seattle

on August 20, 2009 at 11:33 AM

@14, there are both sexism and homophobia present, conscious or otherwise, in the minds of the marketers. If the attitudes are conscious/deliberate, they are probably also assessing the attitudes of the majority of those in the target market. Gardasil given to men might protect against anal warts and throat cancer among their gay partners, and all of those plus cervical cancer in their straight partners.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles…

Posted by rob!

on August 20, 2009 at 3:20 PM

I asked an infectious disease doctor about the HPV vaccine in boys recently, and he said that it probably will be part of boys' recommended vaccination schedule in the future.

Posted by M3 on August 20, 2009 at 4:51 PM