More Like SHAMid Karzai. BBC uncovers widespread fraud in Afghan election, is smug.

Psych! Obama drops support for insistence on a public option

"Is that the good Korea or the bad Korea?" Former South Korean president Kim Dae-jung dies at age 83.

"The West will try to prevent Russia from restoring its Soviet-era might." Suicide truck bomb kills 20 in Russia (and it's all our fault).

Hold Me! "Pakistan Taliban spokesman 'held'" by Pakistani officials.

"There's no monkeying around." Schools prepare for dirty monkey children covered in swine flu.

I Mean, Maybe Don't Leave Your Social Security Card at the 7-11. Florida man steals millions of identities.

E-mail Forwards from Your Grandma Will Never Be the Same. Reader's Digest goes tits-up.

"It's going to just be how we do it, Brooklyn-style." Spike Lee plans a big party for Michael Jackson's 51st birthd-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Way to Go, Mexican Drug Dealers! No, we totally weren't using that huge forest you burned down!

Blazin' Asians? Copies of Seattle Weekly used in Greenwood arson.

The Penis of a Famous Man. Now available for viewing. (Here: NSFW.)

"Oh! ye whose dead lie buried beneath the green grass; who standing among flowers can say- here, here lies my beloved; ye know not the desolation that broods in bosoms like these. What bitter blanks in those black-bordered marbles which cover no ashes! What despair in those immovable inscriptions! What deadly voids and unbidden infidelities in the lines that seem to gnaw upon all Faith, and refuse resurrections to the beings who have placelessly perished without a grave." A list of lost ships throughout history.

I Know I Posted This a Few Weeks Ago. But let's just watch it again. Because, come on.