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Monday, August 10, 2009

Babies Vomiting in the Mouths of the Very People Who Love Them the Most

Posted by on Mon, Aug 10, 2009 at 3:16 PM

What the fuck, babies? What's the matter with you? You aren't hungry? You think food is a joke? Milk doesn't grow on trees, babies. I mean, why even bother eating? Why bother eating that milk if you're just going to firehose it all over daddy's mustache? Do you think mustaches grow on trees? He spent a lot of time on that mustache, baby. Growing it, combing it, trimming it, stroking it. Now it's full of your sour stank stomach milk and there's no washing that shit off. You are an inconsiderate peasant and if I could take back that peekaboo game you roped me into in line at Safeway yesterday I WOULD. Babies.


Comments (16) RSS

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Matt from Denver 1
Babies are awesome. Hopefully this will discourage some of you moody basket cases from having kids.
Posted by Matt from Denver on August 10, 2009 at 3:26 PM · Report this
jesus god. i'm going back to bed.
Posted by m@tt on August 10, 2009 at 3:33 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 3
Two things that most bug me about babies: Their spitting up like 90 percent of what they eat/drink. Their perpetually clammy hands.
Posted by keshmeshi on August 10, 2009 at 3:34 PM · Report this
heywhatsit!? 4
And their noises. Their foul, wretched noises.
Posted by heywhatsit!? on August 10, 2009 at 3:36 PM · Report this
Here's a thought: to make cheese, you need fresh, unpasteurized whole milk and stomach acid from a calf (or the modern replacement ingredient). With a breast fed baby, I think you've got everything you need right there! Human cheese?
Posted by Paul F on August 10, 2009 at 3:55 PM · Report this
at 5: ew

I've never been a fan of babies in theory. In practice, when they are somehow connected to real human adults I care about, I guess they can be pretty cute. But as an idea of babies, bleh, gag me with a spoon (I just had some milk?)
Posted by olechka on August 10, 2009 at 4:04 PM · Report this
Meags 7
Posted by Meags on August 10, 2009 at 4:14 PM · Report this
schmacky 8
I love my (baby-free) life! The only vomit I deal with is the kind I create with booze.
Posted by schmacky on August 10, 2009 at 4:20 PM · Report this
Fifty-Two-Eighty 9
Lindy, I'm so sorry the baby threw up on your moustache.
Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty on August 10, 2009 at 4:21 PM · Report this
kk in seattle 10
Oy, for days after she was born my youngest daughter puked on me every time I held her. The three-nozzle kind of puking: two nostrils and the mouth. She's cuter now.
Posted by kk in seattle on August 10, 2009 at 4:34 PM · Report this
Mahtli69 11
Sheesh, people ... that's not even puke, it's milk spit-up. It's probably immediately after they ate, so it doesn't even smell.

For what it's worth, I have gotten a faceful of my kid's flu-puke. Now THAT was disgusting.
Posted by Mahtli69 on August 10, 2009 at 4:57 PM · Report this
Chip 12
Stupid, stupid baby.
Posted by Chip on August 10, 2009 at 6:38 PM · Report this
anyone got a good dead baby joke?
Posted by low_sea on August 10, 2009 at 11:04 PM · Report this
mAlissa 14
babies. they open their mouths and puke falls out.
Posted by mAlissa on August 10, 2009 at 11:21 PM · Report this
oh, man. this one has been a favorite for a long time. I'm pretty sure that everyone at works thinks there's something wrong with me based on how hard and loud I laughed when first watching this.
Posted by marigold on August 11, 2009 at 12:33 AM · Report this
Sir Learnsalot 16

Your shit is hilarious. I wish I would have chatted with you after our show. We could have gotten married. I bought a ring and everything.
Posted by Sir Learnsalot on August 11, 2009 at 11:46 AM · Report this

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