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News & ArtsFriday, August 7, 2009
Life No Matter What He Tells You, Paul Constant Was Born in Kenya
Posted by Jonah Spangenthal-Lee on Fri, Aug 7, 2009 at 2:29 PM
I have IRREFUTABLE PROOF that the Birther Enemy # 1, Paul Fitzroy Constant, was in fact born in Kenya.
Exhibit A: 
Exhibit B...uh, wait, do you need more proof than that? Oh. Well, additional Kenyan birth certificate records can be found and compiled here.
Paul Constant is conveniently out of the office and unavailable for comment on his Kenyan heritage.
1
Cool -- his father who is of royality just e-mailed me randomly to let me know he needed me to take $168.4MM of his fortune and good care of it because he knows I can be trusted. I couldn't reply fast enough!
4
I welcome my African-American brother with open arms.
Since I was born in San Antonio, Texas, I greet you with warm Hispanic-American greetings of friendship, Paul.
Pass the Cervaza, ok?
Since I was born in San Antonio, Texas, I greet you with warm Hispanic-American greetings of friendship, Paul.
Pass the Cervaza, ok?
7
I'd just like to point out that Will in Seattle has here admitted that he is not a natural born Canadian, but is in fact a Texan, which is exactly the opposite of a Canadian (Alberta notwithstanding), and therefore he has NO authority to comment on behalf of Canada or Canadians about anything at all.
8
I'd also like to mention once again how unfair it is that Americans get such adorably cool names. Fitzroy! Fitzroy Constant! He should seriously consider dropping the "Paul" altogether, and then writing lots of books.
9
Better yet, Irena, "P. Fitzroy Constant." It's sorta got that whole F. Scott Fitzgerald thing going for it.
11
Of course. "P. Fitzroy Constant" is perfect! See? You people have a knack for this. Canada's not like that--don't let the Northrops or Mordecais fool you. Virtually everyone else is called Margaret or Doug.
12
@7 - you only have to live in Canada for 3 years to pass on citizenship to your kids, Irena.
And besides, my middle and high school classmates from Canada and my Canadian Army colleagues who died for you while America was off-mission think I'm more Canadian than most Canucks ever will be.
At least I can sing the national anthem in Jouale, which I learned from a certain circus troupe from Chicoutimi, PQ, who you may know of as Cirque de Soleil.
And besides, my middle and high school classmates from Canada and my Canadian Army colleagues who died for you while America was off-mission think I'm more Canadian than most Canucks ever will be.
At least I can sing the national anthem in Jouale, which I learned from a certain circus troupe from Chicoutimi, PQ, who you may know of as Cirque de Soleil.
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