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Thursday, August 6, 2009

Deep Thought

Posted by on Thu, Aug 6, 2009 at 11:14 AM

No one who leaves Date Young Women: For Men Over 35 sitting out on his coffee table is going to have much luck dating anybody.

 

Comments (31) RSS

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Urgutha Forka 1
Unless he's only dating blind women.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on August 6, 2009 at 11:22 AM
douchus 2
Maybe that book should be a HUMP prop.
Posted by douchus on August 6, 2009 at 11:23 AM
3
Eh. It sounds deeper in the original Russian.
Posted by Irving on August 6, 2009 at 11:29 AM
Hyzenthlayk9 4
Very true, Dan.
Posted by Hyzenthlayk9 http://oystermind.blogspot.com/ on August 6, 2009 at 11:31 AM
Baconcat 5
Unless he wanted to be alone.
Posted by Baconcat on August 6, 2009 at 11:32 AM
kim in portland 6
Initially it doesn't look good, but maybe reading it is a good laugh.
Posted by kim in portland http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/11/fast-paced_video_provides_a_fu.html on August 6, 2009 at 11:35 AM
TVDinner 7
According to Amazon that book was published in 1987 and repackaged for a second edition in 1992. One of the reviews at Amazon states:

Born before the attack on Pearl Harbor, this old-timer turned 18 when Eisenhower was President. John White, who writes under the name of R. Don Steele, should stick to his prunes and oatmeal instead of handing out hilariously outdated advice. Stuff like "a man is in control because he pays for the date" is not only wrong, it shows how his dating ideas were formed in the 1950s.

Oboy. With advice like that a man's gonna need a stick to beat off all the women coming after him.
Posted by TVDinner http:// on August 6, 2009 at 11:36 AM
Loveschild 8
Any man displaying coffee table books + a house that looks too clean and well decorated, screams failure with women or disinterest in them.
Posted by Loveschild http://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/articles/responding_to_haiti_earthquake/ on August 6, 2009 at 11:40 AM
9
Any idiot reading a book like that should know to hide it if he going to have a woman over... like porn.
Posted by clearlyhere http://clearlyhere.livejournal.com on August 6, 2009 at 11:47 AM
Hyzenthlayk9 10
@7: Would those be the women coming after him with torches and pitchforks? Sorry, I couldn't resist.
Posted by Hyzenthlayk9 http://oystermind.blogspot.com/ on August 6, 2009 at 11:47 AM
11
@8, LOL!!!
Posted by Patti on August 6, 2009 at 11:47 AM
lizzie 12
I am interested in Loveschild's book on how to seduce women.
Posted by lizzie on August 6, 2009 at 11:49 AM
Cracker Jack 13
Because women like the challenge of an unkempt bachelor? A nest to build, a man to fix?
Posted by Cracker Jack on August 6, 2009 at 11:54 AM
14
Dan, we're surprised you can't muster more sympathy for the plight of an aging past-his-prime guy feeling a little desparate and insecure.
Posted by Open Relationship on August 6, 2009 at 12:02 PM
15
# 12 Apparently LC's book on seducing women includes advice like "Leave your house filthy: wimmin like to clena up after you" and "Don't decorate nothing - wimmins like to mark out their owm territory."
Posted by I cannot stand it anymore on August 6, 2009 at 12:02 PM
16
.. desperate ..
Posted by Damn Worthless Microsoft Spellcheck on August 6, 2009 at 12:02 PM
Spiegel 17
Loveschild's book on how to seduce women = anything by Ann Coulter.

Also, what are you implying (#8)? Coffee table books are gay? Being clean is gay? Only gay people have decorating sense? Being gay, I'd like to think this is true, but it's not. And certainly not deserving of an "LOL" with not one, not two, but three exclamation points.
Posted by Spiegel on August 6, 2009 at 12:07 PM
reverend dr dj riz 18
@15..' because if your house is too orderly and clean, women will think you're gay.' - loveschild
Posted by reverend dr dj riz on August 6, 2009 at 12:10 PM
Spiegel 19
Oh and Dan, partially in response to #14, but mostly of my own volition, that screencap of your youtube video a few days ago with the ironic dating-christian-singles-ad was Hot. Super Hot.
Posted by Spiegel on August 6, 2009 at 12:10 PM
seandr 20
Dan, I suspect the book says exactly that on page 1.
Posted by seandr on August 6, 2009 at 12:12 PM
Dougsf 21
@20 - that'd actually be great. A whole book of "well, you bought this book... you're probably fucked."
Posted by Dougsf on August 6, 2009 at 12:21 PM
Cato the Younger Younger 22
What if I'm 36 and she's 34?
Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on August 6, 2009 at 12:36 PM
23
The interesting thing is that people like Steele have contempt for and prey on men who have contempt for and (aspire to) prey on women.
Posted by Patti on August 6, 2009 at 12:40 PM
Max Solomon 24
but if you leave "Anal Pleasure and Health" out on the coffee table...
Posted by Max Solomon on August 6, 2009 at 12:41 PM
rara avis 25
browse through most M seeking F personals you'll see a lot of delusional, creepy middle-aged men looking to meet women only in the 18 -24 range. someone in an earlier thread commented on the sense of entitlement some men feel to "having" a woman. it's a deeply, deeply disturbing phenomenon.
Posted by rara avis on August 6, 2009 at 12:42 PM
Will in Seattle 26
What's a coffee table?

That said, my last gf is/was ten years younger, so maybe I shouldn't venture an opinion on this, even if I prefer women closer to my age.
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on August 6, 2009 at 12:59 PM
JunieGirl 27
There's an illusion in online dating that it's like a grocery store...you can just go in and take home the "item" you want, as long as you're willing to pay for it. I don't blame people for hoping to meet some sort of ideal, but it's really unrealistic to think you can just tick off a list of standards and you'll be sure to find someone who fits the bill.

When I was dating online, it was amazing how many men my age were limiting their searches to 18-24 year old women. And the men who WERE looking for women my age were mostly 15 years older than me. I once had a guy 25 years older contact me.

I'd say easily 75% had the upper age limit for their dates listed as 5 or more years their junior, and 10% of those were looking for women 10-15 years younger.

I'm not saying you can't find happiness with someone significantly older/younger, it's just that listing that age difference as one of your primary goals is off-putting, to say the least.
Posted by JunieGirl on August 6, 2009 at 1:12 PM
JunieGirl 28
@26, my ex-husband was 11 years older than me. I guess the difference is he didn't come on to me...I was infatuated with him and hung around till he noticed me and we started talking. He wasn't looking for a "younger" woman, and I didn't think he was that much older than me...he looked maybe 5 years older.

It's the creepiness of someone whose goal is to nab a young 'un that is freaky.
Posted by JunieGirl on August 6, 2009 at 1:15 PM
29
Age difference - it's the last big taboo in our (currently, at least) women-constructed world that people are perfectly comfortable condemning.

50 years ago, interracial dating/marriage was "just wrong". People didn't even try to justify it, it was just fundamentally considered bad. And if there had been online dating then, maybe people would have said that "I thought that (interracial) couple was ok, because they weren't looking for people of different races. It's the creepiness of a white woman whose goal is to nab a black man ('un?) that is freaky."

20 years ago society thought the same thing about gay people. And yes, I know that war's not over, and I'm doing my part, but at least I think you can find big parts of mainstream society who don't say "it's just wrong, I don't have to justify my opinions because they are simply factually correct.."

Today, however, we are perfectly comfortable putting down couples with an age difference. He's just looking for young pussy, or to get his ego stroked. She has daddy issues, or wants his money. Well maybe, just as we now don't just say "she's just looking for big black dick," or "he's enjoying a little brown sugar" - maybe it's wrong and even offensive to say such things. Yet we persist.

Why? Because older men and younger women *threaten the societal power-lock that women have established over men*. Older women teach younger women (and society at large) that it's wrong, so that middle-aged men can remain as powerless as they were in their younger years. It's a taboo created to negate the fundamental power shift that comes because men get more attractive, more powerful, and more desirable as they age, and women don't. In short, this really pisses women off and there is no greater manifestation of this than a mixed-age couple. So we put them down, prima facie, it's just disgusting/creepy/freaky, no justification or examination of the facts required.

Ok, this has nothing to do with weirdos who shoot up gyms or publish dumbass books. They *are* just fundamentally wrong. Sodini is a horrifying societal outlier from whom we shouldn't try to draw any relationship lessons. And Steele is just making a profit off of scared, beaten down men who can't think for themselves. Let's look at them for what they are, and not try to draw any conclusions about age-diverse relationships from them.

Oh yes, my g/f of 2 years is 29 years younger than me. We get along great, and sure, we each enjoy everything that the other has to offer (isn't that fundamentally right in some way?). I get along well with her dad, who is 5 years younger than me. Yes, we get stared at sometimes, just like a mixed race or gay couple might have years ago. But what do we care?
More...
Posted by Anonymous_old_guy on August 7, 2009 at 4:35 AM
30
@28 It isn't that it is automatically creepy or weird for a man to have a relationship with a woman significantly younger. The issue is more that for an older man to be specifically targeting young women to the exclusion of others as is promoted by the book is creepy. There is a power imbalance in most(not all) relationships between a younger person and an older person. This is the result of the older person having much more life experience and therefore (generally) more capable of negotiating the mental and emotional issues that come up in a relationship. Not to mention the usual disparity in income and the dependance that often results.

I'm not knocking your relationship as maybe you are a good guy that just happened to end up with a much younger partner but generally the type of guy that only wants a younger woman is a guy intimidated by strong-willed and confident women. There is a reason Dan speaks often of the 'campsite rule'...
Posted by Luke from OZ on August 7, 2009 at 9:12 PM
31
Oops! That should have been @29
Posted by Luke from OZ on August 7, 2009 at 9:14 PM

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