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Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Candidate Survivor Recap!

Posted by on Wed, Jul 29, 2009 at 1:21 PM

f144/1248898617-1247248405-candidate_survivor_slog.jpgLast night was awesome. The candidates were all great sports, and I think we all learned a lot about democracy, track suits, robots, and Sally Bagshaw's sexuality. And now, the highlights.

PART ONE: HAIKU

We weren't fast enough to type every candidate's original haiku (or, you know, almost-ku), but we managed a handful.

Rusty Williams: "Precious Seattle. You're people I long to serve. Make me your champion."
David Miller: "I suck at haiku. But I rock at policy. Miller for council."
Robert Rosencrantz: "Elect Rosencrantz. Create opportunity. Build a strong city."
Dorsol Plants: “Communication. We must protect the neighborhoods. We can do better.”
Mike O'Brien: "Grassroots candidate. Hometown mission, real world plan. Eat tunnels for lunch."
Nick Licata: “My wife says ‘Nicky!’ My dog says ‘Dad.’ Don't fret, vote. I'm Nick Licata.”
Marty Kaplan: "I've got the vision, perspective, judgment, wisdom. I'll be in the sky."
Jesse Israel: "World War 2 took 6. The moon, 8. The genome, 10. 40 for light rail?"
expands."
Sally Bagshaw: "Bipartisan wrong? I thought it was popular if I"—long pause—"swing both ways."

PART TWO: THE NUMBERS

Number of candidates who have been to a Vera Project show: 8 (out of 14)
Number of candidates who have skinny-dipped in Lake Washington: all of them (!!) except for Robert Rosencranz and David Miller
Number of candidates who have smoked weed: fucking EVERYONE except for Robert Rosencrantz, Mike O'Brien, David Miller, and Bobby Forch
Number of candidates who have health insurance: everyone except Dorsol Plants
Number of candidates who are vegetarian or vegan: 2 (Plants and Carver)
Number of candidates who support tolling on I-90 and 520: 14
Number of candidates who support decriminalization of marijuana: 12 (everyone but Rosencrantz and Miller)
Number of candidates who are against the tunnel: 4 (O'Brien, Ginsberg, Carver, Bloom)
Number of candidates who would vote for Nickels if they had to vote today: 4 (Kaplan, Bagshaw, Israel, and Royer)

PART THREE: THE TRACKSUIT

Come on. Just look at it again:

3cfd/1248897749-1248893951-cs_8477.jpg

PART FOUR: MIKE O'BRIEN IS SLIGHTLY HOT

Right?

ef0a/1248906266-mike-1.jpg

PART FIVE: RICHARD CONLIN'S TALENT SHOW RAP

"Put your face into a human space/and you'll create a space/that you cannot replace/There's a movement coming/and it'll keep on coming/Together we will work/and no one will be a jerk. There'll be a place for all/AND WE WILL CONQUER SPRAWL."

PART SIX: THE QUOTES

"This is a comprehensive solution. This isn't a tunnel." - Sally Bagshaw (crowd jeers)

"I don't want the American Chem Council coming into our city. I never have." - Jessie Israel (moments after agreeing with the fact that she disagrees with the bag tax, even though earlier in the evening she was on the yes side of the bag fee on stage—so, in other words, she will now vote to keep it after campaigning for months that she would vote to remove it?)

"The economy is the issue that no one is talking about." — Bobby Forch

"I wish Forch's talent was Make Lindy West a Sandwich" - Lindy West (I was hungry)

"This is the music capitol OF THE WORLD and we have to recognize it!!!" — Licata

"Nick, you've been in office since the War of 1812." - Dominic Holden

"I have a passion for social justice...I am not afraid to stand up to the corporate establishment." - David Bloom

"Is there anyone in the world who's like, 'Nah, I'm not really that into social justice. Just don't care for it.'?" - Lindy West

"Nick Licata looks like he's ready to go clubbing in Berlin." - Bethany Jean Clement

"You want a deep, dark secret? You were talking about the mile high club? I want to know if anyone here is really part of the mile-high club. I fly my own plane." - Sally Bagshaw (!!?!?!!?!??!)

PART SEVEN: THE WINNERS

Dorsol Plants (32%)
Jessie Israel (19%)
Sally Bagshaw (17%)

PART EIGHT: THE HANGOVER

Blergh.

 

Comments (9) RSS

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Will in Seattle 1
The trick to avoiding hangovers is walk about 1.5 miles to the bus stop at Denny near Aurora and then eat juice ice cubes for a half hour before you go to bed.

At least, it worked for me.
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on July 29, 2009 at 1:29 PM · Report this
2
'"Is there anyone in the world who's like, 'Nah, I'm not really that into social justice. Just don't care for it.'?" - Lindy West':

Republicans?
Posted by precipice on July 29, 2009 at 1:42 PM · Report this
3
Hello People out in Stranger Slog land, just wanted to set the record straight on Marty's pastel jumpsuit. Marty is an avid para-glider http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paragliding (not to be confused with para-sailing) and we were planning on busting out his wing on stage to talk about his talent. That pink and green beauty is his flight suit.

Sally Bagshaw flies planes, Marty rides thermals, but I am pretty sure he avoids any high altitude escapades... he lives dangerously, but not that dangerously...

- Dan Joyner, Marty's Campaign Manager
Posted by Dan Joyner on July 29, 2009 at 1:42 PM · Report this
4
You're quoting yourself? Those aren't even funny. You're better than that, Lindy West.
Posted by Nick on July 29, 2009 at 1:49 PM · Report this
5
@3: Marty Kaplan has a campaign manager?
Posted by J.R. on July 29, 2009 at 2:12 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 6
I was more surprised that he paraglided. The Stranger probably got him into that with the recent articles on Oregon.
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on July 29, 2009 at 2:24 PM · Report this
7
Skinny dipping?

Lake Washington? No.
Yellowstone? Yup.
Humptulips River? Yup.
Mississippi? Yup, in the headwaters (though I was 5 months old so I'm not sure that counts!).
Posted by David Miller on July 29, 2009 at 2:59 PM · Report this
LaRiiiiM0RrrHAwtiiii696969 10
LINDY THIS MAY BE ONE OF YOUR PROBLEMS: HAVE YOU BEEN FORNICATED WITHIN THE LAST OHHH...10 YEARS?

I WILL SACRIFICE MYSELF.

I PROMISE NOT TO ENJOY IT SO IT'S LIKE YOUR LAST TIME.
Posted by LaRiiiiM0RrrHAwtiiii696969 http://balkin.blogspot.com/ on July 29, 2009 at 7:52 PM · Report this
michaelp 11
I LOVE YOU JESSIE ISRAEL!!! (I can't say it enough!!!)
Posted by michaelp on July 29, 2009 at 11:18 PM · Report this

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