Slog

News & Arts

The Stranger Suggests

Critics' Best Bets
Music Arts & Food

Line Out

Music & the City
at Night

  |  

Friday, July 17, 2009

Life I'm Back, and Wiser Than Ever

Posted by on Fri, Jul 17, 2009 at 10:36 AM

Hello Strangers! Perhaps you remember me from my 2006 Stranger debut:

3a85/1247851935-real_fetus-1.jpg

Now it's nearly three years later, so imagine my surprise when this week brought a brand-new letter to my inbox.

Dear Mary Cheney's Fetus:

Sometimes when I watch Gilligan's Island, I start to, you know, um, jerk off while I'm looking at Mary Ann and Ginger. The other day when I was doing that, the scene suddenly switched to Gilligan and the Skipper, with the big guy beating his "little buddy" over the head with his hat. And when I saw it, I just started coming all over the place like crazy. Does this mean I'm gay?

Kevin

Dear Kevin,

First, I'm not a fetus anymore, dumbass—I'm a two-year-old boy. Second, pick me up. Do you have chocolate milk? Get me some.

As for your question, yes, ejaculating at the sight of Skipper hitting Gilligan makes you gay. Go march in a parade, Nancy.

Love, Mary Cheney's Fetus*

*That Is Now a Two-Year-Old Boy

 

Comments (8) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
Matt from Denver 1
Awesome.
Posted by Matt from Denver on July 17, 2009 at 10:52 AM
2
Thank you for making my day, Mary Cheney's Two-Year-Old Boy.
Posted by Rose on July 17, 2009 at 11:05 AM
hartiepie 3
More please.....(and go see if you can push Charles out of his desk so you can stick around)
Posted by hartiepie on July 17, 2009 at 11:05 AM
Gurldoggie 4
And people say journalism is dead!
Posted by Gurldoggie http://gurldogg.blogspot.com on July 17, 2009 at 11:14 AM
5
Laughing my ass off, I read letter and response to husband, who chuckled indulgently and said, absent any irony at all "Aaaawwww, that's sweet." I'm not sure why he thought it was sweet. Can anyone help me?
Posted by BSRNBSN on July 17, 2009 at 11:18 AM
Jaymz 6
Still funny years later - and new stuff too! I smell teen spirit and a continuing column...
Posted by Jaymz on July 17, 2009 at 11:25 AM
Will in Seattle 7
Dear Mary Cheney's two-year old boy (formerly fetus):

Have you ever thought of being transgender?

And what do you think about fisting?
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on July 17, 2009 at 11:39 AM
8
LOVE it.
Posted by Judith on July 17, 2009 at 12:15 PM

Add a comment

Advertisement
 

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC
1535 11th Ave (Third Floor), Seattle, WA 98122
Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy