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Sunday, July 12, 2009

News The Morning News

Posted by Unpaid Intern on Sun, Jul 12, 2009 at 10:03 AM

Post by news intern Alexander P. Brown

All This Over One Little Secret: Congressional Democrats to launch inquiry into CIA covert program.

Because Abstinence Only Sex Ed Work So Well...: Miami School District to run anti-sexting curriculum.

Shortest Personality Test I've Ever Seen: Company tries to market questionnaire to supplement grad school exams.

Give A Little: China raises death toll in ethnic rioting.

Seriously, It's Just Performance Art Now: PETA protests fish tossing with toplessness.

Par For The Course: City transportation department has trouble keeping up with screw-ups.

Watch These Guys Lose Their Jobs: British health services advises healthy sex education to children, including masturbation.

Get Off That Bike Once And Awhile: Study suggests vigorous bicycle training lowers sperm count.

It's Because The Graphics Give Them Heart Attacks Instead: Money flows into research linking video games with slowing mental decline.

Would they Please Just Un-fuck Themselves Already: Housing crisis extended because lenders are too tight with rules.

I Know They're Fat, But This Is Ridiculous: Obese children cheat during study by rigging pedometers to dogs.

Muppets Make Everything Better:

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Comments (19) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

Just wait until the Seattle Subway trains go flying off the rails...

Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe

on July 12, 2009 at 10:21 AM

Bicycling lowers peoples' sperm count? What a shame that it also lowers their IQ.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on July 12, 2009 at 10:57 AM

Cheney should be imprisoned.

Posted by meowmeowkitty on July 12, 2009 at 11:04 AM

Unpaid Intern:
If there is any connection between Abstinence Only Sex Education and the new Miami School District policy you failed to share it with us...

Posted by We see why you're Unpaid, asshole on July 12, 2009 at 11:16 AM

@news intern: I don't know what "once and awhile" would mean, but I sure see and hear it a lot.

The phrase should be "Get Off That Bike Once in a While," meaning "from time to time" or "every now and then" or "periodically."

Posted by rob! on July 12, 2009 at 11:22 AM

@4: New internet rule: Calling someone an "asshole" for mistakenly putting up the wrong link on a Sunday morning blog post means that you're the asshole. Asshole.

Posted by Paul Constant

on July 12, 2009 at 11:25 AM

@5

Rob, quit being a dick. (I say this as a reformed dick)

Anyways, as to the bike riding lowering sperm count, why is this a bad thing? If anything, its a great advertisement that'll get me on my bike more! (I also smoke marijuana)

(I also love encasing sentences in little hugs like this!)

Posted by douchus on July 12, 2009 at 11:32 AM

@7, my tone was perfectly civil and intended to instruct young grasshopper, but it no doubt picked up the taint of the troll post that fell in immediately above. I wasn't piling on. Happy cycling.

Posted by rob! on July 12, 2009 at 11:41 AM

@6
He didn't put up the wrong link.

The story has nothing to do with Abstinence Only Sex Education.

Little Al was just taking the opportunity to squeeze some Slog Bigotry into the headline.

Shitty Journalism, Biased Headline Writing and sticking your nose in when you don't know what the fuck you're talking about makes Slog Asshole Central.

Posted by So many Assholes- slog must buy toilet paper in bulk on July 12, 2009 at 11:43 AM

@9 Whatever. If you want "unbiased" journalism, I think you might enjoy Fox News; you also might want to stop reading Slog. We're not going to change our ways because some unregistered commenter with nothing better to do relentlessly heckles our interns like a brain-damaged A. Birch Steen.

Posted by Paul Constant

on July 12, 2009 at 11:52 AM

@9 What 10 said.

Posted by Vince on July 12, 2009 at 11:55 AM

News Headline:

"Paul Constant Convicted of sex with 3 year old boy"

No,
it's not true
but if you want "unbiased" journalism
go fuck yourself.

Posted by Thanks For Playing Slog! on July 12, 2009 at 11:56 AM

@3 - no shit. Cheney is worse than Bernie Madoff. He has fucking SHREDDED the Constitution of the United States of America. What a bastard. It makes me sick.

Posted by Karlheinz Arschbomber

on July 12, 2009 at 12:04 PM

maybe it would be worthwhile to add a news item that Holder is now saying torturers may be prosecuted....

I don't know how to write a jokey caption about that, though .... but sure I was ROTFL over the jokey caption about cheney's secret program and the killings in China, hahahahahahahaahahah!

Posted by PC on July 12, 2009 at 12:08 PM

"Because Abstinence Only Sex Ed Work So Well...: "

Yeah.
Abstinence is a total joke.

Miami School District should hire Dan to come teach the kids how Homosexuals practice Safe Sex.

Because gay men are 1% (one percent) of the population but account for 53% (you read right, FIFTY-THREE) of New AIDS cases in America...

Posted by That's Good, Isn't It? on July 12, 2009 at 12:18 PM

Behind that link to the fish-throwing story lies a highly entertaining story: PETA vs. the American Veterinary Medical Association. If you'd like to see what it looks like when PETA's dim-witted, attention-hungry minions square up against people who actually know something about animals, read on.

Posted by Proteus on July 12, 2009 at 2:25 PM

Chickens don't clap.

Posted by Jason Josephes

on July 12, 2009 at 2:35 PM

@15: that only tells us how inadequate sex ed was in the 70s and 80s.

Re: peta: I thought any mention of them was banned from slog?

Re: losing jobs: Do you know how I can order about 10,000 copies of that flyer while I still can?

Posted by guy on July 13, 2009 at 6:24 AM

18
The 53% figure is from 2008.

Posted by Just so ya know... on July 13, 2009 at 7:21 AM