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Thursday, July 9, 2009

Film / Drunk Disney's A Christmas Carol: The TRAIN

Posted by Lindy West on Thu, Jul 9, 2009 at 8:30 AM

In Concessions this week, I climb aboard the PR train for Disney's forthcoming motion-capture extravaganza:

Disney's A Christmas Carol: The Train, which will visit 40 cities in the next few months ("Christmas in July!"), is essentially a giant press kit. Only instead of being some papers and stuff tucked into a Pee Chee folder, IT IS A TRAIN. The film (which comes out November 6) is, clearly, just what the world needs—yet another Christmas Carol adaptation (!!!), this time rendered in Polar Express—style motion capture and starring Jim Carrey in SEVEN ROLES "including all three ghosts." Yep. You know you want it, human!

The train is impressive, expensive, and sometimes creepy. Now, for you, photographic evidence.

Dickensian splendor:

Jim Carrey as disgusting teenage Scrooge:

Gary Oldman as Bilbo Baggins:

Gary Oldman as Tiny Fucking Tim:

And, from the popular MORPH YOUR FACE section of the train, which I didn't have room to write about in the paper, here's Lindy "Robin Wright" West-Penn:

And, my masterpiece, Lindy West as Gary Oldman as Tiny Tim:

YOU'RE WELCOME!!! I WANT YOUR GRUEL!

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Comments (13) RSS

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Gary Oldman is such a good actor. Why does he take on so many bad projects?

Posted by Greg on July 9, 2009 at 8:40 AM

Doesn't Slog have a Dental Plan?

Posted by No....Dan is a Cheap Miserly Bastard. on July 9, 2009 at 8:42 AM

Someone needs to stop that Zemeckis guy; make him answer for his crimes against humanity (Forrest Gump, Back to the Future 1,2,3, Castaway, Death Becomes Her, these shitty corpse-amation projects)...

Posted by someone has to step up on July 9, 2009 at 9:03 AM

WTF does Bilbo Baggins have to do with "A Christmas Carol"?

Posted by COMTE

on July 9, 2009 at 9:32 AM

I'm actually impressed by the final Tiny Tim shot - but I am easily amused. Well done.

Posted by Jaymz on July 9, 2009 at 9:33 AM

Tiny Lindy Tim is the creepiest fucking thing I've seen all week.

Jim Carrey is box office poison.

Posted by laterite on July 9, 2009 at 10:14 AM

God help us, everyone!

Posted by qwerty on July 9, 2009 at 10:52 AM

CAN I HAZ UGLY NOSE AND SHITTY WRITER REPELLENT???

ZE LINDY'S, THEY ARE SWARMING.

Posted by LaRiiiiM0RrrHAwtiiii696969 on July 9, 2009 at 11:08 AM

Terrible, terrible movie (that's going to be).

Posted by Jude Fawley on July 9, 2009 at 11:39 AM

Their teeth are waaaaay too nice.

Posted by Westside forever on July 9, 2009 at 11:50 AM

@2: You're busting balls over digitally altered teeth. That shit's weak even for your sorry ass.

Posted by McGee on July 9, 2009 at 12:06 PM

Dude. No adaptation will ever beat The Muppet Christmas Carol, so why even try.

And Disney's previous effort (with Mickey) was pretty damn good as well.
.

Posted by duckgirlie on July 9, 2009 at 12:43 PM