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News & ArtsWednesday, July 8, 2009
Science The Lovable Person
Posted by Charles Mudede on Wed, Jul 8, 2009 at 9:10 AM
Bad news for people with low self-esteem:
Canadian researchers found those with low self-esteem actually felt worse after repeating positive statements about themselves.They said phrases such as "I am a lovable person" only helped people with high self-esteem.
It only gets worse for the weak. Even crying or hydraulic venting is not all that good for you. Says Dr. Ginger Campbell, on her podcast review of Emotion: The Science of Sentiment:
Let's consider the fact that venting our negative emotions was actually based on a disproved hydraulic theory of the emotions. This idea of catharsis goes all the back to Freud, and he believed in this hydraulic theory. He thought we needed to release negative emotions so that they didn't build up pressure. Not only has this been disproved but there is now evidence that reliving negative emotions may do more harm than good. Studies have shown that deep grieving after traumatic events actually makes things worse...and this [is] partly because by reliving the traumatic experience, the memory is strengthened and prevents the normal extinction of the memory circuits.
I have never liked crying and now I'm beginning to know exactly why: it deliberately blocks the wonderful process of forgetting. And without forgetting there can be no forgiveness—the ability, the power to start again. (Hannah Arendt celebrates this important type of power in her book The Promise of Politics).
Crying is at root a bad performance. In that performance we see the past making a return to the stage of the present. This theater of expression, however, brings to life many things that are better off dead. A painful memory should be seen not as a lively/watery performance but as a frozen corpse.
1
Those are some pretty powerful and sweeping conclusions to take away from a few articles.
As if psychology has finally nailed down all the variables and formulae that make humanity tick.
Seems more like this just validates the way you were personally raised to never cry.
As if psychology has finally nailed down all the variables and formulae that make humanity tick.
Seems more like this just validates the way you were personally raised to never cry.
5
James Pennebaker, a psychologist at U Texas-Austin found that people who simply write down stuff they feel bad about, and then throw away the paper, end up feeling just as good afterwards as people who talked to a therapist about their problems.
7
I wonder if a "psychologist . . . . said self-esteem was based on a range of real life factors, and that counselling to build confidence - rather than telling yourself things are better than they are - was the solution" who investigates low self esteem is influenced by bias. After all, if self affirmations work, who needs to pay a psychologist? # 5 Thanks for the name:I was trying to remember who did that study.
8
Charles, you were most likely raised in a macho environment where you were taught that "boys don't cry." That's why you don't like crying.
I don't know where this psychologist gets off. I've have various emotional blowouts throughout my life; if they weren't destructive then I ended up feeling better and able to move on when they were done. But then again, I have pretty high self esteem.
I don't know where this psychologist gets off. I've have various emotional blowouts throughout my life; if they weren't destructive then I ended up feeling better and able to move on when they were done. But then again, I have pretty high self esteem.
9
God, that’s good news. For all these years, I thought swallowing my emotions was bad for me, but kept doing it anyway. And that not expressing my anger/annoyance/sadness at the moment was causing perhaps permanent physical harm. Now maybe I have nothing to worry about. That is excellent news.
And the whole self-esteem thing? I can attest that positive affirmations don’t help. When I’ve been at my lowest, the last thing I will believe is me telling myself (or anyone else trying to convince me of) how great I really am – it only ever has made me feel worse because I know at that moment that it’s not true. Things that have helped me out of my occasional funks are: singing, sleep, movement, and taking care of others (getting out of my own head).
But self-affirmations? Total crap. Anyone who believes them is too dull to even get depressed in the first place, which is perhaps why they do work on those who already have high self-esteems.
And the whole self-esteem thing? I can attest that positive affirmations don’t help. When I’ve been at my lowest, the last thing I will believe is me telling myself (or anyone else trying to convince me of) how great I really am – it only ever has made me feel worse because I know at that moment that it’s not true. Things that have helped me out of my occasional funks are: singing, sleep, movement, and taking care of others (getting out of my own head).
But self-affirmations? Total crap. Anyone who believes them is too dull to even get depressed in the first place, which is perhaps why they do work on those who already have high self-esteems.
10
How very stoic and German of you, Charles. You're turning positively Prussian in your middle age.
11
@8 – Matt, macho is one thing not to be ignored, but I’m a chick who was raised around emotional women and went to the other extreme. I refused to cry in front of anyone and if I did cry alone, scorned myself for it.
Then I had kids and, damnit, can’t keep from tearing up over anything and everything. Motherhood has ruined me.
Then I had kids and, damnit, can’t keep from tearing up over anything and everything. Motherhood has ruined me.
12
interesting. but I don't agree that the past should always be forgotten. people cry over different things, not just because of painful memories. people sometimes cry over the memory of something wonderful that's been lost, for instance.
Though crying can often been seen as "a bad performance," at least it's an honest one. The "performance" of those who adamantly refuse to cry over anything is worse—a "frozen corpse." I don't trust people who never cry, especially if their lack of emotional expression has given them a superiority complex.
Though crying can often been seen as "a bad performance," at least it's an honest one. The "performance" of those who adamantly refuse to cry over anything is worse—a "frozen corpse." I don't trust people who never cry, especially if their lack of emotional expression has given them a superiority complex.
15
Where I disagree is the idea that reliving negative experiences may be painful and therefore aught not to be done. Yes, certainly we've all known blowhards who vent their emotions from a position of personal righteousness and it's clear that they are accomplishing nothing for anyone. But there are many good reasons for reliving negative experiences, for experiencing the full weight of emotion associated with them and for talking about them: it can lead to better emotional understanding of oneself and others, philosophical musings, applicability of one's experience to world issues, honing of one's arguments, creating personal strategies for dealing with the future. It's good to know what actions help lift oneself out of a prolonged depression, but the same actions are not necessarily a good life plan.
16
Nowt wrong with a bit of crying every so often, ya weirdos. Feels good. Drop the macho bollocks and enjoy being alive.
17
I strongly disagree with your statement "without forgetting there can be no forgiveness"... That doesn't even make semantic sense: how can you forgive someone if you've forgotten what you're forgiving them For?
The grace that is to be found in forgiveness (and I mean 'grace' in not only a religious sense) is, in fact, predicated on an acute awareness of whatever the transgression was, and being able to find forgiveness IN SPITE of the wrong that was done.
That's kinda the whole point of the exercise, Charles.
The grace that is to be found in forgiveness (and I mean 'grace' in not only a religious sense) is, in fact, predicated on an acute awareness of whatever the transgression was, and being able to find forgiveness IN SPITE of the wrong that was done.
That's kinda the whole point of the exercise, Charles.
18
Keep in mind that studies like this don't suggest that this is true for everybody, only that they found a significant effect for it, p < .05
I'm sure it works great for some people and terribly for others.
I'm sure it works great for some people and terribly for others.
20
hey, nice post.
strangely, i was musing to myself yesterday evening about this EXACT subject. remembering how, in past low moments, repeating forced self-affirming statements just adds a terrible feeling of dis-harmony to one's mild depression.
i'm sure it is different for different people though, as most things are. and the jury's still out on the crying bit.
strangely, i was musing to myself yesterday evening about this EXACT subject. remembering how, in past low moments, repeating forced self-affirming statements just adds a terrible feeling of dis-harmony to one's mild depression.
i'm sure it is different for different people though, as most things are. and the jury's still out on the crying bit.
21
@9:
Please correct me if I'm misunderstanding you, but are you saying that people with high self-esteem are "dull," and incapable of being depressed? Neither of those things are true, and the implication is mildly offensive. Depressed people with low self-esteem do not corner the market of interestingness or intelligence.
But self-affirmations? Total crap. Anyone who believes them is too dull to even get depressed in the first place, which is perhaps why they do work on those who already have high self-esteems.
Please correct me if I'm misunderstanding you, but are you saying that people with high self-esteem are "dull," and incapable of being depressed? Neither of those things are true, and the implication is mildly offensive. Depressed people with low self-esteem do not corner the market of interestingness or intelligence.
22
@21 - I don't think they are saying that high self-esteem is dull, but rather that self-affirmations are crap.
And, people who believe that self-affirmations work are dull.
And, people who believe that self-affirmations work are dull.
23
@21 ... hmmm ... after re-reading that, I see what you mean.
I'm guessing they are talking about chronically cheerful "don't worry be happy"/"does somebody have a case of the Mondays?" types. Which, of course, isn't the same as having high self-esteem.
I'm guessing they are talking about chronically cheerful "don't worry be happy"/"does somebody have a case of the Mondays?" types. Which, of course, isn't the same as having high self-esteem.
25
Does this study mean the end to "over share"? Oh, thank god! I'm tired of complete strangers (without invitation) telling me their wretched life stories at the bus stop!
26
Sometimes people cry, other times people post on a blog why they wish they could cry but they can't. From my own experience, I can never cry at funerals, only afterwards when I'm shitfaced at a bar, sometimes months later, and the reality hits me.
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