Okay, so it's kind of at the end of the earth, and you pretty much need a car to get there. And there are lots of theaters closer to where you live that are showing the exact same movies, and you can eat nachos at home for free.

BUT BUT BUT, some people have cars and are willing to drive them, and also some people have shit to do and want to combine their movie-watching and nacho-eating into one convenient timesaving multitask, and sometimes going to Mountlake Terrace feels like a totally awesome get-outta-town road trip! ...Right?

Alls I'm saying is that I had a great time at Cinebarre:

With the ordinariest of prices—$8 matinee, $10 adult—and easy parking and affordable-ish, pretty-good food and ticket takers who tell you your dress is cute, Cinebarre feels like the regular old movies, just slightly better (and with milkshakes!). You want to go back. (In contrast, Gold Class Cinemas feels like a fucking gold-plated hermitage and costs about $30 a ticket.)

You enter the lobby and there is a bar. Women sip pints of bubble-gum pink smoothie-looking stuff that turns out to be a frozen "daiquiri" made of wine. To the delight of the bad-comedy masochist in me, Cinebarre's menu bristles with horrific punny kitsch: Lord of the Onion Rings, Some Like It Hot Wings, Soylent Greens Salad (but... surely you've heard that it's made out of people, right? Or did your marketing team fall asleep before the end?). We got an order of Goldfingers (golden-brown chicken fingers, you see) and Mr. Chips & Salsa with queso (the food that is most like plastic that I most want to eat).

Read the whole thing (along with my thoughts on Ryan Reynolds + Sandra Bullock) HERE.