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News & ArtsTuesday, July 7, 2009
News The Morning News
Posted by Paul Constant on Tue, Jul 7, 2009 at 7:36 AM
He Probably Used a Teleprompter: Obama makes a speech in Russia.
Iran Made It Look So Sexy: Protests continue in China.
Taking the Machine Down From the Inside: Obama responds to negative remarks from...Biden?
Health Care Ain't Cheap: Hospitals will pay government $155 billion for uninsured.
Will He Call Her at 3 A.M.?: Zelaya to discuss Honduras with Clinton.
Killing the Killer: South Carolina police shoot, kill alleged serial killer.
L.A. (Hearts) M.J.: Mourners gather to say goodbye to Michael Jackson.
Driving Ambition: Washington state gets $24 million for roadwork.
It's Your iFault: Apple blames customers for overheating 3GS iPhones?
Probably Doesn't Mean That Literally: Palin says "If I die, I die. So be it."
Hopefully He Means That Literally: Nazi Pope calls for U.N. "with teeth."
Things Are Looking Up: House sales rise in King County.
Things Are Looking Back Down Again: The return of Tim Fucking Eyman.
Sad Little Lovesick Boy-Child: South Carolina G.O.P. censures Mark Sanford.
There's a "Stop Being Shellfish" Joke In Here Somewhere: Oceanaire Seafood Room closes without warning.
And now, your Daily Muppet:
2
re:Sanford
Monogamy isn't perfect and it sure isn't easy;
but it's way better than anything else out there...
Monogamy isn't perfect and it sure isn't easy;
but it's way better than anything else out there...
4
The pope tells the U.N. to spend more money. He doesn't offer any mind you. And people should realize that the Catholic Church is a major cause of over population in the poorest areas of the world. Once again, his phonyness strikes out.
5
hondurenos lose democracy, that's hysterical. Huk, hyuk!
Uighers get the shit beaten out of them, ROTFL!
Obama makes a move on reducing nuclear weapons...Stranger misses backstory of his long held dream to eliminate all nukes, held since college...but he prolly read from a telepompter, hyuk, hyuk [chortling milk thru nose!]
Hey, these captions are every bit as funny as any nerd's monologue given at a high school variety-show fundraiser for the football team -- and don't let any other reporters or bloggers tell you guys otherwise!
[esp. funny: white people making fun of brown people who try to have "human rights" -- hardy har har!! My, it's as funny as when Obama made fun of getting gay married in Iowa, ha ha ha !]
Uighers get the shit beaten out of them, ROTFL!
Obama makes a move on reducing nuclear weapons...Stranger misses backstory of his long held dream to eliminate all nukes, held since college...but he prolly read from a telepompter, hyuk, hyuk [chortling milk thru nose!]
Hey, these captions are every bit as funny as any nerd's monologue given at a high school variety-show fundraiser for the football team -- and don't let any other reporters or bloggers tell you guys otherwise!
[esp. funny: white people making fun of brown people who try to have "human rights" -- hardy har har!! My, it's as funny as when Obama made fun of getting gay married in Iowa, ha ha ha !]
6
"I would actually -- rather than say misread, we had incomplete information," President Obama said...
well, that's totally different...
well, that's totally different...
9
@5: Clearly your heartfelt and sincere concern for everyone in the world makes you a great human being. Thank you for taking the time to fight for all the poor people I oppressed with this edition of The Morning News.
12
Wow Paul, you're becoming a real bitch.
Does waking up still fat every morning make you like that?
Does waking up still fat every morning make you like that?
13
Paul Constant haters? Really? That's like hating a baby seal, or Dolly Parton. Seek help, morning troll.
15
I never thought I'd say it, but Biden's so incompetent he's beginning to make Dan Quayle look good.
16
@15: Well, it's certainly exaggerated by the administration-- bookish and thoughtful Obama who has to be fed his own lines, brash everyman Biden who says practically anything that comes to mind.
19
@17: You were not called a troll because you are disliked, but because you are going out of your way to be a jerk about the fact that you don't like Paul.
I mean, fat jokes? Seriously?
I mean, fat jokes? Seriously?
21
@19: Thanks for pointing out how stupid it is a attack a person for something a trivial as body weight. People who judge others for being fat are very shallow.
23
paul is not fat, he is not stupid and he is not queer. knock this shit off NOW, you chickenshit dickless wonders. bet you don't have the balls to come to slog happy and say it to his face, do ya, punk?
24
@12, does this have anything to do with the fact that Paul has crowds of female fans who think he's adorable, and you... don't?
25
Paul has recently been going out of his way to be bratty and snarky. Just read the bolded parts of the morning news. If you don't "get" this, you don't "get" why I met this pettiness with equitable pettiness: mocking his weight.
To continue: Paul may have women who think he is adorable, but does it get him laid? Does it get him a girlfriend?
No. He is the fat friend of girls, not the fat lover of girls.
There is a difference betweeen "awwww" and "oh hell yeahhh!"
Tons of compassionate chicks think my grandpa is adorable.
Tons of compassionate chicks think fat guys are adorable when they are funny and whatever to try to overcome their fatness.
To continue: Paul may have women who think he is adorable, but does it get him laid? Does it get him a girlfriend?
No. He is the fat friend of girls, not the fat lover of girls.
There is a difference betweeen "awwww" and "oh hell yeahhh!"
Tons of compassionate chicks think my grandpa is adorable.
Tons of compassionate chicks think fat guys are adorable when they are funny and whatever to try to overcome their fatness.
26
@25,
Paul's girlfriend has been mentioned here before, you stupid motherfucker. As a matter of fact, I spotted Mr. Constant with his girlfriend weekend before last. You can be sure that she's more attractive than anything that would deign to fuck you.
Paul's girlfriend has been mentioned here before, you stupid motherfucker. As a matter of fact, I spotted Mr. Constant with his girlfriend weekend before last. You can be sure that she's more attractive than anything that would deign to fuck you.
28
parker, you ignorant slut. paul is ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED. and he is NOT FAT. do i have to beat this into your head (which would be my extreme pleasure)?
if paul wasn't already spoken for, and had an attraction to older, witty, generous, and affectionate women, i would want to marry him. Paul Bobbeh, you are a GEM and your fiancee is the luckiest woman in the world.
if paul wasn't already spoken for, and had an attraction to older, witty, generous, and affectionate women, i would want to marry him. Paul Bobbeh, you are a GEM and your fiancee is the luckiest woman in the world.
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