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Monday, July 6, 2009

Chow Free Chocolate! The Finalists....

Posted by Megan Seling on Mon, Jul 6, 2009 at 12:38 PM

Last week I announced that Slog had two tickets to this weekend's Seattle Chocolate Salon, where 30+ local and national chocolatiers gather to share their goods. Tickets are $20 (advance) and they give you access to sample as much chocolate as you'd like. YUM! To enter, all you had to do was say (in 50 words or less) why you deserved the pair of passes.

We got a whole heap of entries, and here's the cream of the crop. Now it's up to you, Slog readers, to choose who should go. I can't decide. I'm a Gemini and therefore worthless in the decision-making process. Vote below and the winner as of 10 am tomorrow morning will be the winner of the passes!

Thanks to all who entered, and good luck to you finalists!

#1
I'm a 20 year old gay virgin who was obese, and is now uncomfortably skinnyfat. I'm in debt paying for a degree in fine art, which is hugely dependent on personal passion. If smashing decadence into my face with an obligated friend can't grant me passion, I am forever lost.

#2
My love of chocolate can be summed up in three words: 180 Cadbury eggs. That's how many I bought after Easter one year. Find someone who can top that, and I will graciously accept that he or she deserves these tickets more than I do. I humbly thank you for your consideration.

#3
Last night I polished off the last of the nasty root-beer flavored popsicles that my roommate discarded in the freezer from the variety pack. I didn’t like it, but I did it. Save me from myself. With chocolates.

#4
Today I sprained my back unloading *paper towels* at work. I can't be expected to be too eloquent with all the vicodin and muscle relaxants I'm on right now so I'll just let the drugs do the talking: chocolate = awesome and I could use a day full of free awesomeness.

#5
I feel that this particular unlimited supply of chocolate is my personal destiny. Something about Chubby Chipmunk Hand-Dipped Chocolates resonates deeply within me; it is as if this organization and I are fellow-travelers in a sense far more profound than mere time and space.

#6
I was allergic to chocolate as a kid. Then I grew up and my allergy suddenly disappeared. Chocolate is therefore, to me, synonymous with adult privilege. Attending this festival would be like voting, drinking, having sex, and then blowing up enemies on the field of battle.

#7
I have been married for nearly three decades to someone for whom chocolate is the very worst of the sinful indulgences one can encounter. In our house we have nothing but organic, locally-grown, fairly-traded food. Every grain is a whole grain. We are desperate! Help us!

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The allergic one was funny, which is probably why it will garner lots o votes, but I voted for sprained back. Chocolate makes a good pain and suffering medication.

I couldn't vote for organic one... that's self-imposed hell.

Posted by Urgutha Forka on July 6, 2009 at 12:46 PM

You're my Fav Urgutha! I voted for the sprained back as well, as I am a Vicodin lover that no longer plays and I Know that Opiates+Chocolate=Heaven.

Posted by punkflower on July 6, 2009 at 1:05 PM

Anybody but #7.

Posted by Rotten666 on July 6, 2009 at 1:07 PM

I'm sad that these were the best entries you got. #4 & #6 are the most worthy, but barely.
I should've told my sob story of unemployment, depression, life at a crossroads, and only the elation of eating mass quantities of chocolate could repair these problems and the faltering of love in my relationship...

Posted by fruity oatey bars on July 6, 2009 at 1:25 PM

What kind of sick, disgusting freak doesn't like root beer popsicles? That's the best kind.

Posted by Fnarf

on July 6, 2009 at 1:34 PM

@5 I've killed men for less! Banana owns root beer's shit.

Posted by matt! on July 6, 2009 at 1:39 PM

Sorry #2, I got you beat. At Easter this year, I horded 20 large bags of Cadbury Mini Eggs, 12 of the dozen packs of Cadbury Creme Egg minis, 20 4-packs of Cadbury Creme Eggs, 12 6-packs of Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs and 16 See's Bordeaux Eggs. And this is what I bought to horde and eat at my leirure for the rest of the year, that is to say, over and above what I actually ate during Easter.

Posted by ianto jones on July 6, 2009 at 1:43 PM

can we get a "don't care" radio button?

Posted by Andy_Squirrel on July 6, 2009 at 1:49 PM

@6, you're right, it's banana. But root beer is pretty good. They're even good together, or in rapid succession.

Posted by Fnarf

on July 6, 2009 at 1:56 PM

@8 Not voting is your "don't care" button.

Posted by Megan Seling on July 6, 2009 at 1:58 PM

@5,6, &9,

Root beer popsicles beat banana, sorry... It's close, I'll give you that, but compared to root beer, banana is simply, er... second banana.

Posted by Urgutha Forka on July 6, 2009 at 2:00 PM

I bow and worship at your feet, #2. I have only one egg left, and I am saving it for a special occasion. From my youth on, I bought as many of those delectable confections as I could afford, to stock up (as a small child, this was only two or three, sadly).

O #2, if you do not get a ticket, there is no justice in this land.

And @ianto jones--SEE'S BORDEAUX EGGS?! I spent three summers carefully hording allowance monies just to buy one or two of those (Bordeaux candies, not eggs). I negotiated an allowance raise so I wasn't just 19 cents short of another one each week. Now I am on the hateful East Coast. And now is when I find out that they have eggs?? EGGS?!

Posted by clapifyoulikeme on July 6, 2009 at 2:03 PM

I smell a rat in the votes. How is #7 winning? Somebody in their 50s under self-imposed dietary restrictions--an inherently unsympathetic character--is beating out the indebted virgin and the unforbidden-food kid? #7 sent an e-mail to their entire address book asking for votes, methinks.

Posted by Christin

on July 6, 2009 at 2:04 PM

I have been married for nearly three decades to someone for whom chocolate is the very worst of the sinful indulgences one can encounter. In our house we have nothing but organic, locally-grown, fairly-traded food. Every grain is a whole grain.

WTF? There is plenty of organic, local, and/or fairly-traded chocolate -- I doubt you mean both locally grown AND fairly traded, since that makes no sense. A lot of it is vegan. Most of it will probably be at the chocolate salon. "Every grain is a whole grain" doesn't mean anything as chocolate isn't a grain, and I doubt you avoid all sweeteners that aren't whole grain, or else you wouldn't eat any fruits.

Chocolate is not bad for you -- only when Hersheycorp or Cadburycorp or Nestlecorp put more hydrogenated shortening and high fructose corn syrup than chocolate in their products does it become nutritionally lame.

Start here, or go somewhere like Madison Market for a gajallion types of good tasting (and socially and nutritionally conscious) chocolates.

http://www.theochocolate.com/

Posted by lizzie on July 6, 2009 at 2:05 PM

Geez, these are all pretty lame. I don't think any of them deserve to win.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on July 6, 2009 at 2:12 PM

but leaving a online poll un-voted is like leaving a randomly discovered-but-expired-condom un-inflated

Posted by Andy_Squirrel on July 6, 2009 at 2:21 PM

@12,

You can still order the stuff online. That's what I did when I lived on the East coast.

Posted by keshmeshi on July 6, 2009 at 2:39 PM

#2 as the only honest one.

If you live on the east coast you can just drive up to Canada.

Posted by Will in Seattle

on July 6, 2009 at 3:06 PM

Honestly, #7 should go down. You choose your own diet and have no room to whine because of it. Sounds like your spouse wouldn't even enjoy the festival- so leave it to someone who would.
I voted for #6 cause it's great to be able to enjoy something you have been denied through no fault of your own.

Posted by Enigma

on July 6, 2009 at 3:11 PM

Can I vote for "None of the above" and demand a new batch of entrants, please?

Posted by jw36 on July 6, 2009 at 3:11 PM

@20 for the insightful and honest win.

WE WANT A RETRY!

Posted by Will in Seattle

on July 6, 2009 at 4:02 PM

Oh shit, I know contestant #5 and I voted for #7. FAIL.

Posted by Carollani

on July 6, 2009 at 4:26 PM

#1 The Gay Virgin should get as much chocolate his chubby lil' heart desires. #7 The Vegan Chicken-Shit should get a divorce.

Posted by yucca flower on July 6, 2009 at 5:19 PM

@14, surely you're not under the impression that they grow cacao in the Pacific Northwest? Local, my ass.

Posted by Fnarf

on July 6, 2009 at 6:38 PM

Sorry, I should have clarified. My husband forbids chocolate, organic or not. Fruit is limited. I suffer, and my daughter suffers. The tickets would be for me and my daughter, sneaking out of the house. I'm leaving him as soon as I am able.

Posted by Sarah in Olympia on July 6, 2009 at 7:58 PM

By the way, I recognize that this surely boots me out of the contest, but I just needed to get that out there. I think we'll sneak out of the house anyway and go to the chocolate festival, no matter what he says.

Posted by Sarah in Olympia on July 6, 2009 at 8:07 PM

#25 (and I assume contestant #7), I definitely would have voted for you had I known.

Please do go to the chocolate festival np matter what.

And you are aware that you can buy a bar of the good stuff without him knowing, right? I mean, assuming he isn't like some super close watcher of your finances.

Posted by tangerine... on July 6, 2009 at 10:39 PM

@25,
Ah, well that makes your case more compelling than originally thought. 50 words goes by quick, but it would have helped if you had mentioned it was for you and the daughter. Everyone probably thought it was for you and the insane hubby (I did).

Posted by Urgutha Forka on July 7, 2009 at 9:29 AM

Wow, these are some lamers. Clearly I should have entered this contest.

#2, you do not deserve to win. Cadbury is shite. It is barely better than Hershey's (which is the very definition of chocolate shite). If Cadbury is the pinnacle of chocolate for you, you would be lost at the chocolate salon. It would be like a guy who thinks Budweiser is the best beer in the world going to a microbrewer convention.

Fail.

Posted by Reverse Polarity on July 7, 2009 at 9:45 AM

@29 Duh, #2 is obviously poor. Otherwise they would have bought 180 cadbury eggs BEFORE easter. Your comparison is inapt. This would be more like a junkie putting up for years with low-grade stuff cut with baking soda and then suddenly having access to pure heroin.

Posted by B. Betherton on July 7, 2009 at 11:38 AM

@25's sound argument and proposed eventual resolution has forced me to change my mind and say we should support her and her daughter stuffing themselves with chocolate.

Posted by Will in Seattle

on July 7, 2009 at 12:58 PM

@30, you are wrong. Poverty means nothing.

If I were poor, I would rather buy ONE high quality chocolate rather than 180 Cadbury wax psudo-chocolate eggs.

The choice of Cadbury is a clear sign of an utter lack of taste, not poverty. A sign of quantity over quality.

Giving this person a pass to the Chocolate Salon would be a complete waste.

Posted by Reverse Polarity on July 7, 2009 at 1:05 PM