I wrote yesterday about Alice Hoffman's Twitter meltdown. She called a Boston Globe reviewer of her book a moron and an idiot; she announced that the reviewer wasn't a writer (when in fact, the reviewer had published many books, and had stories published in The New Yorker); she claimed that Boston wasn't a real city; and she finally published the reviewer's e-mail address and home phone number, urging her fans to harass the reviewer. Several hours later, Alice Hoffman's Twitter account vanished.

And then a little later, she issued this utterly half-hearted apology through her publisher:

I feel this whole situation has been completely blown out of proportion...Of course, I was dismayed by Roberta Silman’s review which gave away the plot of the novel, and in the heat of the moment I responded strongly and I wish I hadn’t. I’m sorry if I offended anyone. Reviewers are entitled to their opinions and that’s the name of the game in publishing. I hope my readers understand that I didn’t mean to hurt anyone and I’m truly sorry if I did.

If you ever have to give an apology you really don't want to give, you should use the above Hoffman apology as a Mad-Libs-style template. It's really a masterpiece.