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« This Will Not End Well | This Week in the Chow Section: E.N.… »

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

City / Sex / Life If You Can Think of a Better Way to Celebrate Father's Day and Summer Solstice Simultaneously, I'd Like to Hear It

Posted by David Schmader on Tue, Jun 23, 2009 at 2:56 PM

This just in from Last Days' Hot Tipper Spenser:

This may be too late of a tip for this week's Stranger but I am compelled to share. On Sunday June 21 (Father's Day AND Summer Solstice) I was driving eastbound on Mercer towards I-5 to go to a wedding with my girlfriend. We got slowed up in traffic in front of one of those newish office buildings. Though the windows are mirrored, the light was hitting the glass in such a way that we could see through the window pane and spotted a guy on the first floor of the building wildly masturbating into a potted plant. He had his shirt pulled up to prevent sperm blotching, his shorts were pulled to his knees, and he was staring out at traffic while crouched over the potted plant. Bam! The shock of that sight resulted in instant tabula rasa and provided a juicy story to share with everybody at the wedding. I told the groom it was a good omen but he seemed a bit skeptical.

Cheers!

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"resulted in instant tabula rasa"

what? does that make sense?

Posted by Serial Monogamist

on June 23, 2009 at 3:29 PM

We were worried about all sorts of modern problems and then, suddenly, all those issues were erased and we were left with a blank slate. Does that make better sense?

Posted by uncledaddy on June 23, 2009 at 3:49 PM

Maybe he was just fertilizing the plant?

Posted by Irena on June 23, 2009 at 4:11 PM

The Mercer Mess!

Posted by DOUG.

on June 23, 2009 at 4:17 PM

Me, I'd rather just have fun and go to the Fremont Fair.

But if said person is spilling his seed, then how do you know he's a father.

Unless it was a church building ...

Posted by Will in Seattle

on June 23, 2009 at 4:21 PM

It was probably South Carolina governor, Mark Sanford...

Posted by michael strangeways

on June 23, 2009 at 4:29 PM

Y'know, even on Sunday afternoon I've got better things to do than jerk off into a potted plant. Seriously.

Posted by Greg on June 23, 2009 at 4:31 PM

Confusing "sperm" with "semen" annoys me even more than conflating "vagina" with all the other bits that make up the vulva. Sperm's probably not going to stain anything, but semen can make a mess. That poor plant.

Posted by Fnarf

on June 23, 2009 at 4:33 PM

Has anyone seen Senator Ensign lately?

Posted by The Amazing Jim

on June 23, 2009 at 4:42 PM

Anyone who can make a connection between John Locke and jacking off on a ficus deserves my deepest bow.

Posted by Bauhaus I on June 23, 2009 at 4:47 PM

@6 or @9 - that explains it!

Posted by Will in Seattle

on June 23, 2009 at 5:05 PM

Audrey Two fetish?

Posted by rollerboogieboy on June 23, 2009 at 5:09 PM

Before the Electra Condominiums were the Electra Condominiums, they were the Townhouse Apartments, and there was a guy who was always standing in his Living Room window beating his meat. His place was right at the level of the walkway along the east side of the convention center, and my roommate and I got used to seeing him everyday as we walked home to Capitol Hill from work.

One time, roomie's mother came to visit, and met us downtown, and decided to walk home with us. We had totally forgotten about the Townhouse Masturbator until we were on the walkway, and by then it was too late. Sure enough, there he was, and roomie and I had to try to get roomie's mother interested in the texturing and plantings of the blank wall of the convention center. We succeeded, but I think she thought we were crazy. We did finally tell her why we'd done what we did, and she thought it was hysterical. For all we know, she went back the next day to see if she could catch him, but I don't think he put on the same sort of show for midwestern mothers.

Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay