Last year, a small flurry of articles wondered why there weren't any conservative playwrights. (My answer—conservative drama queens go into the clergy or talk radio.)

America, your long, national, conservative-playwright-less wait is over:

"Reagan" is a one-man play that doesn't portray the 40th president as a fascist. It's by Lionel Chetwynd, whose scripts for television and film include "The Hanoi Hilton," "Color of Justice," "Kissinger and Nixon" and "DC 9/11: Time of Crisis."

The other play is "Girls in Trouble (Formerly Three Abortions)" by Jonathan Reynolds, one of the few openly conservative members of the Dramatists Guild.

His play "Stonewall Jackson's House," a sharp attack on political correctness, was a Pulitzer Prize finalist in 1998.

Remember Stonewall Jackson's House? I remember liking that wicked, weird play (so did Adrian Ryan). And it sounds like Girls in Trouble will be as infuriating:

In "Girls in Trouble," Reynolds presents a balanced view of pro-lifers while taking some swipes at the NPR crowd. The play ends with a harrowing confrontation between two women — one pro-life, the other pro-choice — that's not for the squeamish.

"Thus far, its claim to fame is that it's been turned down by all the theaters in New York," Reynolds says of his play.

"It was commissioned by the Long Wharf, but they wouldn't put it on. There was a theater in the suburbs of Washington, DC, that said they wanted to present the 'other side' of the abortion debate. But when they read it, they said it would 'infuriate our audience.' "

Oskar Eustis, the head of the Public Theater, told Reynolds that his staff "didn't go for it," but that he would take a look at it himself.

Jim Simpson, the head of the Flea Theater, has agreed to do a reading, although he told Reynolds that since 60 percent of his audience is women over 40, "They're not going to like it."

Says Reynolds: "I think the pro-life side has something to say. But I don't think theater people want to hear it. So far, I've been right, and I think I'll be right for the next four years."

How about it, ACT? Ten years ago, you produced Stonewall Jackson's House—one of your gutsier programming moves in recent history. You also produced Mitzi's Abortion, one of your other gutsy programming moves.

Why not ask Reynolds for the script? Actually, don't worry about it. I'll ask Reynolds myself and bring it by the theater. Somebody's got to produce it. If not you, then who?

And if it's really as bad as all that, play it as slapstick or Grand Guignol. One way or another, this play is yours for the taking.