by Dan Savage
on Mon, Jun 22, 2009 at 5:22 PM
I would like to express my disapproval of your comments about asexuality and asexuals on your June 2nd podcast (Episode 137). Asexual does not mean "you have no interest in sex or romance, or anything." It means you don't experience sexual attraction. Period. Many asexuals still desire romance—and if you think love and sex are so closely tied, perhaps you think prostitutes are the most loving people in the world? Yes, a relationship with an asexual individual doesn't work for a lot of people, but this certainly doesn't mean that asexuals must "stay at home; be alone."
I am asexual. I have never been interested in sex, with anyone. But I only discovered that asexuality even existed several months into a relationship. Was this my fault? I told my boyfriend, fully expecting to be "dumped" as you recommended to your caller. Instead he told me he was okay with it, and expressed full willingness to find alternative ways of showing our love. Three years later, we're still together.
Thank you for you time. I don't normally send emails of this sort, but your comments feel to me like a personal attack on my orientation, and with the details of asexuality so widely unknown, I don't appreciate this spread of misinformation. In the future when people are looking for an explanation of asexuality, you might refer them to www.asexuality.org.
I appreciate the feedback, Stephanie, and I'm sorry I offended you. But... um... I couldn't help but think, as I read your letter, that your boyfriend is either a fool or a fag. But if it works for you guys—if a romantic relationship devoid of sexual attraction and activity works for you guys—then it works for you guys. Who am I to argue with success?