This week's feature by Charles Mudede, about the sexiest trees in Seattle, is a really entertaining read. Here's one sexy tree, The Movie Star:

This tree near Lake Washington played a role in my movie Police Beat. It gave a great performance. Its moment of indie-film fame: The bike cop investigates a tree that has assaulted an old woman. She has a cut on her head. She points out the offending tree. The officer walks up to it and knocks on the bark with his knuckles. The bark answers with a hollow sound. The bike cop then returns to the old woman and says: "Your tree is dead, and if you do not cut it down, it will continue to harm and disturb the living." The scene is based on a real police report. A woman called the SPD and blamed a tree for assaulting her. The report caught my eye because I understood her confusion. In the way it is easy to believe a tree can love us, it should be easy to believe a tree can hate us. Dead trees are most bewildering things because trees are not supposed to die. They are supposed to live and live and live. There are trees that were alive when Jesus was alive. Despite its great acting and its beauty, the tree in Police Beat has so far failed to land another role.

Well, Charles's story has been picked up by Fark, and there is some weird shit going on over there. It started with comments:

RocketRod 2009-06-18 08:30:18 PM
That's a knotty pine.

CruiserTwelve 2009-06-18 08:39:49 PM
I'm glad that fig tree is wearing a fig leaf.

vossiewulf 2009-06-18 08:49:12 PM
Lots of hortisexuals up in those parts.

djkutch 2009-06-18 09:37:23 PM
Someone, somewhere is tired of her sap.

Walker 2009-06-18 10:44:10 PM
I'm getting wood.

But then it turns into a competition to display photos of sexy, sexy trees and shrubbery. Some of the photos are clearly photoshopped, but that isn't the point. The point is that Charles Mudede's appreciation of trees in this week's paper seems to be creating a new fetish online. That is a good week's work, Mr. Mudede.