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Thursday, June 18, 2009

News The Morning News

Posted by on Thu, Jun 18, 2009 at 8:49 AM

"To the Iranian government hackers who keep attacking the places they see as a threat, you are wasting your time. You are completely outnumbered." The internet CONTINUES TO BE AWESOME.

Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!! "The gay political agenda has proved to be a challenge for Obama."

All These People Blowing Up Is Really Putting a Damper on My Jokes: Suicide bomber in Somalia kills 20, including national security minister.

See? I Got Nothin': Missiles kill 13 in Pakistani Taliban camp; it was probably us.

Jesus Christ. Ummm...Chicken Tikka Mao-sala? Indian government clashes with Maoist rebels in West Bengal.

"We're sending help immediately, Mrs. Fletcher." Hillary Clinton falls down, breaks elbow.

Get Your Shit Together, Bro: America likes Obama, but thinks his policies are shitty.

"Today it's quiet in my neighborhood in northern Tehran." A report from Seattle filmmaker James Longley.

[Insert Joke About Airline Food]: Pilot dies mid-flight.

WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK!? Another pilot dies mid-flight!?!?!?!? [Oookaaaaaay, phew. This happened like a year ago; I just don't know how to read or use the internet.]

Well...You DO Kind of Look Like a Drunk Frog: Rumors say Katie Lee Joel cheated on Billy.

QUICK! The People Need to Know!! It rained yesterday.

Gaaaaaaaahhhhh!!! GAAAAHHHAHAHHHGGGHHH!!!! Woodland Park Zoo welcomes tawny frogmouth baby. "You're welcome, bitchez!" says mother nature!


No, Francois, Let That One Go. He Has Spirit. A little Kids in the Hall for you.

 

Comments (18) RSS

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Akbar Fazil 1
IMO the best KITH sketch ever. I often sing "Alouette" when walking by any mens suit store.
Posted by Akbar Fazil on June 18, 2009 at 9:02 AM
Vince 2
I am awed by the Iranians and their efforts to get around their oppressive governments crack down on the web. The article says you can help them by claiming to be Iranian on the social networking websites they are using. Hooray for freedom!
Posted by Vince on June 18, 2009 at 9:07 AM
Hyzenthlayk9 3
Also one of my faves as well.

Often in our house we will quote lines from that (and many other) sketch(es). Then again, we met at a taping of KITH in Toronto - back in the day.
Posted by Hyzenthlayk9 http://oystermind.blogspot.com/ on June 18, 2009 at 9:08 AM
Fnarf 4
Airliners don't have "a pilot"; they have two, a captain and a first officer, both of whom are fully-qualified pilots. Sometimes there are three. There are plenty of things to worry about in this world, but this ain't one of them.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on June 18, 2009 at 9:13 AM
Lindy West 5
I was only worried when I thought it had happened twice in one day, and life was imitating Shyamalan.
Posted by Lindy West on June 18, 2009 at 9:16 AM
Fifty-Two-Eighty 6
And now for the biggest news story of the day . . . er, month . . . er, year:

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=2…
Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty http://www.nra.org on June 18, 2009 at 9:23 AM
Carollani 7
Omg, when I worked at the zoo i used to have to feed the frogmouths. I had to warm up little dead mice and then kind of flap it against their beaks until they snapped it up. It was gross and kind of freaky.
Posted by Carollani http://twitter.com/carollani on June 18, 2009 at 9:26 AM
blank12357 8
Lindy, can you do the news every day? Or would you run out of funny?
Posted by blank12357 on June 18, 2009 at 9:41 AM
9
Lindy ran out of funny a long time ago.
Posted by Where? on June 18, 2009 at 9:46 AM
laterite 10
No kidding, @6. That someone can run around with $130 billion+ of US securities in a suitcase is absurd. Like the author said, it's probably only because it happened in the middle of the craziest economic upheaval in history that it hasn't gotten more attention. But it's a very important story, and if there's more debt paper just floating around out there, our deep hole just turned into a mineshaft.
Posted by laterite on June 18, 2009 at 9:53 AM
Fnarf 11
5280, for once you're onto something. That's a scary story, and I don't understand why it's not dominating the news right now. $134 BILLION in a suitcase? WTF? Why aren't we torturing THESE guys for info?
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on June 18, 2009 at 9:53 AM
Jocelyn 12
Dear Lindy West,

Please do the morning news every day. I want to find you annoying, but instead I consistently find you hilarious.

Love, Jocelyn.
Posted by Jocelyn http://wtfwouldjesusdo.com on June 18, 2009 at 10:05 AM
Parker Todd 13
to barack: "Get Your Shit Together, Bro"

that's racist
Posted by Parker Todd on June 18, 2009 at 10:09 AM
Simone 14
PETA wishes Obama hadn't smacked that fly to death on TV

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/06/17…
Posted by Simone on June 18, 2009 at 10:20 AM
Urgutha Forka 15
@14,
I wish Obama would smack PETA to death on TV

And to Lindy, "We're sending help immediately, Mrs. Fletcher." That is truly priceless!!!
Posted by Urgutha Forka on June 18, 2009 at 10:48 AM
Will in Seattle 16
Even better than the Net are cell phones with switchable SIMM chips that let them use multiple carriers - including ones not actually in Iran ...
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on June 18, 2009 at 11:06 AM
Soupytwist 17
Lindy, seriously, this week's morning news has been the greatest.

Your video clips help restore the parts of my soul that are killed by reading the news.
Posted by Soupytwist http://twitter.com/katherinesmith on June 18, 2009 at 11:19 AM
Fnarf 18
You're the stupidest piece of shit in the universe, Will. "SIMM" chips, indeed.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on June 18, 2009 at 2:59 PM

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