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Wednesday, June 17, 2009

"The First Improvement to Toilet Paper as We Know It Since the 1880s!"

Posted by on Wed, Jun 17, 2009 at 8:50 AM

It's like a Snuggie for your anus!

(Via the Presurfer.)

 

Comments (33) RSS

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Cracker Jack 1
I really don't understand the ergonomics of this product. It seems to curve the wrong way and they don't really show (even euphemisticly -- like the balloon with the hole in it for diapers or the blue water for menses) how the product is used. I want to see Billy Mays cleaning a crevice here!
Posted by Cracker Jack on June 17, 2009 at 8:59 AM
2
I want to know what happened in the 1880's. Perforation?
Posted by The Cap'n on June 17, 2009 at 9:01 AM
Pepper St. Tort Reform 3
What the fuck just happened? I think that commercial just stole my will to live.
Posted by Pepper St. Tort Reform on June 17, 2009 at 9:03 AM
Cracker Jack 4
PS -- If you're too fat to clean your own ass, you're TOO DAMN FAT!
Posted by Cracker Jack on June 17, 2009 at 9:06 AM
Baconcat 5
Rub it on ECB's keyboard.
Posted by Baconcat on June 17, 2009 at 9:09 AM
6
It's obviously for older folks who can no longer reach around to wipe their own butts due to arthritis or other aliments. You can tell by the copy in the ad. Come on folks, have a heart. Some of us will be needing this 40 years from now or sooner.
Posted by David from Chicago on June 17, 2009 at 9:09 AM
7
I don't understand the point of adding 18 inches to your reach from your hand to your ass. It seems like overkill really. And Cracker Jack I totally agree, once the shit on the stick is between your legs while seated on the toilet, do you have to stand up all awkwardly, stepping over your arm to avoid re-contamination? That's just questionable design.
Posted by Andycane on June 17, 2009 at 9:12 AM
Carollani 8
Ah, to maintain your dignity!
Posted by Carollani http://twitter.com/carollani on June 17, 2009 at 9:12 AM
Griffin 9
Can't speak to the Comfort Wipe, but the bonus "Get a Grip" (available separately, which is how she got it) has really been helpful to my mother as she recovers from back surgery.

Who knows? Maybe it is the next big thing, but maybe the target audience should invest in bidets.
Posted by Griffin on June 17, 2009 at 9:13 AM
COMTE 10
@2:

Actually, according to this web site, that's essentially correct.

Isn't the Interwebs a wonderful thing?
Posted by COMTE http://www.chriscomte.com on June 17, 2009 at 9:19 AM
Wicked Virgin 11
So... when's the Comfort Wipe pub crawl?
Posted by Wicked Virgin http://userscripts.org/tags/slog on June 17, 2009 at 9:25 AM
12
What is with this country and its refusal to incorporate bidets into bathroom hygiene?! Not to mention water closets. What a great idea! A room for shitting that is completely separate from the other, cleaner things you do in the bathroom.

But maybe I'm just a total panty-waist, freedom-hating, un-American. At least we live in a country where you can wipe your ass with one hand, and brush your teeth with the other. All in the same room!

end rant.
Posted by joel on June 17, 2009 at 9:26 AM
Shelby 13
What exactly is the advantage to being a fat ass?
Posted by Shelby on June 17, 2009 at 9:27 AM
14
They market it to people who are grossed out to touch toilet paper. Wouldn't those same people (myself included) be grossed out to use that thing more than once? I would need a comfort wipe for my comfort wipe.
Posted by ICpat on June 17, 2009 at 9:30 AM
w7ngman 15
Watching this without sound, was anyone else disturbed when it said "EASY TO USE" and she was scrubbing her back?
Posted by w7ngman http://userscripts.org/users/89370 on June 17, 2009 at 9:32 AM
16
"Never touch dirty toilet paper again!"

Yeah, but you'll be touching that dirty Comfort Wipe, won't you?

I mean, sometimes shit is runny, yo.
Posted by TP on June 17, 2009 at 9:48 AM
wisepunk 17
Quit stealing stuff from my facebook page paul! :)
Posted by wisepunk on June 17, 2009 at 10:03 AM
kj 18
I knew a woman with dwarfism who had to use a reacher/grabber to do stuff like this. Her arms were too short. Making fun of a health and hygiene aid aimed at folks who really need them just makes you sound like an asshole. Do you waste time talking about how shower chairs are for the lazy and fat?
Posted by kj on June 17, 2009 at 10:09 AM
Christin 19
They've left unaddressed the hugely horrifying inevitable: when that thing gets dirty, it's infinitely worse than standard bathroom procedure, so to speak.

Granted, my toilet bowl brush is not ergonomically curved, but I would never wrap the toilet bowl brush in toilet paper and wipe with it. That is horrifying for exactly the same reason the Comfort Wipe is horrifying.
Posted by Christin on June 17, 2009 at 10:12 AM
Christin 20
@18 Absolutely, good accessibility tools are a necessary component of quality-of-life to those who need them.

The commercial is totally disingenuous on the idea that this is a more-hygienic solution for able-bodied people who find toilet paper icky, though. :-)

(On the other hand, if you're the sort who is so distressed by wiping that you'd look into unitaskers to improve the process, you're highly likely to see the flaws in this particular solution.)
Posted by Christin on June 17, 2009 at 10:22 AM
Katie B 21
Alas, it's not going to be manufactured after all:

http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2009/06/com…
Posted by Katie B on June 17, 2009 at 10:33 AM
T 22
This is probably the funniest thing I'll read all week.
Posted by T on June 17, 2009 at 11:05 AM
Max Solomon 23
anything to avoid thinking about your inevitable death.
Posted by Max Solomon on June 17, 2009 at 11:22 AM
Urgutha Forka 24
@22
I agree! And I think Paul either saw it too or he simply thinks like Chris Bucholz when he posted this.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on June 17, 2009 at 12:12 PM
Geni 25
Can't people just scrub their rectal cavities with toothbrushes like the woman you posted about last week? And hell, there's a toilet brush sitting right there...
Posted by Geni on June 17, 2009 at 12:16 PM
nootkarose 26
The eventuality of an elderly person not being able to wipe themselves is another reason why bidets and particularly washlets are superior to toilet paper. Maybe if most Americans could be persuaded to acknowledge that their shit stinks they would start to wash their asses.
Posted by nootkarose on June 17, 2009 at 12:32 PM
nos 27
someone send one to that girl from A&E's Obsessed!
Posted by nos http://twitter.com/NOSaturn on June 17, 2009 at 12:55 PM
TVDinner 28
I keep asking Santa to bring me a Japanese toilet seat - the kind that sprays warm water and then air on your asshole - but he's been reticent to spend the $400.

I saw an occupational therapist give one of these to a kid whose arms more or less ended where your elbows do. For the first time in his 14 years, he could wipe his own ass. Imagine how important this thing is to someone like him.

Who knew being able to wipe your own ass was a privilege?
Posted by TVDinner http:// on June 17, 2009 at 1:00 PM
29
that's MORE disgusting than touching toilet paper. When you wipe your ass you don't have to touch the dirty parts of the paper, and it's very easy to be sanitary about it--it's called washing your hands with soap afterward. This "comfort wipe" sounds like it'd be a real waste of toilet paper too. Instead of just folding the paper over, you'd have to continuously reload the thing. and I'm sure it's more of a (pardon the pun) pain in the butt to wash that than it is your hands. I seriously hope no one ever bought that thing.
Posted by hlr on June 17, 2009 at 10:09 PM
30
actually it's not just for obese people, but my dwarf friend informs me that with the little arms it's hard/immpossible for them to reach and they need devices like this (if they don't want someone to wipe for them).
Posted by a friend on June 17, 2009 at 10:18 PM
31
Yeah, I really don't understand the ergonomics either. Given the flat-looking surface where you attach the toilet paper, it seems like it would be impossible to have effective access to your crack and anus. The best you would be able to do is smear your shit around a little, and leave a pleasing layer of butt crust which is surely less disgusting than having to touch that icky toilet paper. But hey, The Secret was a bestseller so I already lost my faith in humanity.

Bidets are nice.
Posted by Luke on June 17, 2009 at 10:49 PM
32
Bidets make so much more sense than this.... sex toy with a claw.
Posted by bloodycarrot on June 19, 2009 at 12:27 AM
33
ITS ANOTHER UNIVERSAL TRUTH THE PEOPLE WONT BRING OUT INTO THE OPEN. BUTTS GET DIRTY , THEY SWEAT AND STINK. EVERYONES BUTT STINKS. PRESIDENTS, MODELS, SENATORS, ACTORS ACTRESSES, ATHLETES EVERYONE. PEOPLE JUST DIGUISE THE FACT BY WEARING GREAT CLOTHING , COLOGNE BUT (HEHE) UNDERNEATH IT ALL IS A SMELLY BUTT HOLE . SO THINGS LIKE THIS AND A PORTABLE BIDET COME IN HANDY......
Posted by FORKUU on June 24, 2009 at 1:04 AM

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