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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

News The Morning News

Posted by Lindy West on Tue, Jun 16, 2009 at 8:11 AM

I Want You to Think About What You've Done: Iran plans recount, sends foreign media to their rooms.

You're Not My Mom! Opposition party demands a new election.

Ha Ha: Ayatollah Ali Khamenei "has opened a serious fissure in the face of Islamic rule."

That's $46 Per Gallon: Exxon Mobil ordered to pay $507.5 million for 1989 spill; family of puffins plans to finally build that deck they've always talked about.

Sorry I Made Fun of the British Yesterday: An elderly man is King County's first swine flu death.

WHO CARES OH MY GOD: Palin "accepts" Letterman's "apology."

You All Have Diabetes Now: Scientists decide that maybe drinking ISN'T good for you after all; Americans shrug, continue drinking.

"Waaagggh." Artie Lange hurts Joe Buck's feelings.

"I'm More of a Modern Mother Teresa." Something about Heidi Montag's boobs.

Speed of Lightning, Roar of Thunder! Tukwila man stabs police dog, gets himself shot.

Cancer Drug Cures Cancer AND Reverses Aging!!! "However, it can produce severe redness, oozing, weeping and scabbing of skin."

Why We Even Havin' a Trial? More vintage '90s Comedy Central.

Comments (7) RSS

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How does alcohol give you diabetes? Unless you're consuming a large amount of sugars, y-- oh.

Posted by Baconcat on June 16, 2009 at 8:40 AM

20 years to finish that Exxon oil spill lawsuit. The speed of law is painfully slow.

Posted by Urgutha Forka on June 16, 2009 at 9:01 AM

i want lindy to do the news every morning. please?

Posted by spoiler alert on June 16, 2009 at 9:07 AM

With unlimited resources you can make almost any case perpetual @2

Posted by vooodooo84 on June 16, 2009 at 9:16 AM

Ms. West, you made me lol several times. Great headlines, thanks.

Posted by mandaline on June 16, 2009 at 9:54 AM

I've said it before about the cigarettes, and it's just as true for the booze: If it hasn't killed me yet, it probably isn't going to.

That's really one of the few good things about being "a certain age."

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty