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This Sunday, June 21, is Father's Day, and if your father is alive and you plan on mailing him something to commemorate the day, you'll want to do it by tomorrow.

Yes, Mother's Day and Father's Day are fake holidays designed to sell crap, but if anyone deserves a fake holiday it's mothers and fathers, who, at the very least, gave you life and the skills to remain alive long enough to read this.

One of the things I regret about being a non-kid-haver is exempting myself from that avalanche of empathy that falls on new parents regarding their own parents, once they realize just how fucking hard and scary it is to have a kid. I try to approximate such advanced empathy—using how I feel about my dog and iPod times a million, for example—but it only goes so far. Thus, my lifelong responsibility to send my dad some goddamn thing every Father's Day for as long as we're both alive.

To get you in the father-honoring mood (and temper that onerous example of "father's day art" above), here's some well-worn footage of 2009's Father of the Year. (Sure, the kid may be embarrassed by the YouTube exposure, but such embarrassment can't compare with having a dad who's willing and able to talk you through the hard shit, with love...)