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Thursday, June 11, 2009

Religion Meanwhile in Spokane

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Jun 11, 2009 at 3:33 PM

The official spokesperson for the Spokane branch of the Church of Satan rejects a sex offender's claim that he is a member in "good standing."

The Church of Satan’s view on sexuality, our appreciation of sexual freedom for consenting adults demands that we are even more strongly against anyone who abuses others sexually. There is nothing weaker, more cowardly, more irresponsible and utterly disgusting than a sex offender. Mr. Schertz would do well to remember that Satanists do not believe in forgiveness, and we have none for him.

Ouch.

Comments (26) RSS

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I've always loved the 11th Satanic Rule of the Earth.

When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.

Posted by sirkowski

on June 11, 2009 at 3:44 PM

Satanism's true founder: Dwight Schrute.

Posted by Critical on June 11, 2009 at 3:49 PM

BWAHAHA! That is a brilliant burn.

That's the funniest thing I've heard all day...

Moral of the story: do not fuck with Satanists.

Posted by michael strangeways

on June 11, 2009 at 4:02 PM

That is, like, the ultimate "snap". I am in awe.

Posted by qwerty on June 11, 2009 at 4:10 PM

And people say Satanist like it's a bad thing....

Posted by Bethrs on June 11, 2009 at 4:19 PM

If you're a bad Satanist, does that mean you go to heaven?

Posted by slake on June 11, 2009 at 4:24 PM

Just because Satan is the Prince of Darkness, it does not mean he is without standards.

Joy, they moved this guy two blocks from where I went to high school. Oh well, there are much worse trolls lurking under the bridge by the school.

Posted by Reg on June 11, 2009 at 4:31 PM

Wooooooo!!!!!! Spokane in da news!!!!!!

REPRESENT!

Posted by TVDinner

on June 11, 2009 at 4:33 PM

"Suck it, Jesus"

Posted by Y.F. Redux on June 11, 2009 at 4:50 PM

Finally, some good old timey religion I can get behind.

Posted by The Amazing Jim

on June 11, 2009 at 4:54 PM

"Satanists do not believe in forgiveness" is awesome.

Posted by Julie in Eugene on June 11, 2009 at 4:55 PM

the fact that there is a spokane branch of the church of satan is mildly surprising.

Posted by Max Solomon on June 11, 2009 at 5:05 PM

@12 - Somehow I bet Spokane does a better job recruiting Satanists than Seattle.

Posted by DavidG

on June 11, 2009 at 5:23 PM

I remember the old unfunny Satanists. These new ones are better.

Posted by elenchos on June 11, 2009 at 5:29 PM

Truly, that guy is a man without a country.

Posted by Urgutha Forka on June 11, 2009 at 5:49 PM

I'm most amazed that no one has pointed out that the Church of Satan has now taken a stronger line on child sex abuse than, oh... the Catholic Church. Nice.

Posted by mkyorai on June 11, 2009 at 6:08 PM

Well fuck. I think I just decided to convert.

Posted by Judah

on June 11, 2009 at 6:21 PM

@12: or an "official spokesperson for the Spokane branch of the Church of Satan"

I guess that could be considered a plus on someones CV.?.

but what if the interview really came down to this: "the Spokane branch?? hmmm, okay, but do you really think you're up to the task of big time spokesperson of evil, I mean after the farm leagues, what can you bring to our organization?"

Posted by pissy mcslogbot on June 11, 2009 at 6:35 PM

Actually the spokeswoman is a national spokeswoman, out of Florida.

Posted by Tricyclic on June 11, 2009 at 7:39 PM

they were sounding really great up until the forgiveness thing

Posted by sepiolida on June 11, 2009 at 7:44 PM

@19: bringing in a ringer? no less, unconscionable!! those gosh durned satanists! that's just not right.

well, for them I guess it is. you know, with the whole satanist thing they got going on.

Posted by pissy mcslogbot on June 11, 2009 at 7:59 PM

@13 i bet meth helps

Posted by Max Solomon on June 11, 2009 at 9:50 PM

Dejected, the man will drop so low as to join one of the many branches of the Jesus worshipers, where he'll become a youth pastor.

Posted by Rob in Baltimore

on June 12, 2009 at 4:51 AM

Well the Christians really don't believe in forgiveness either when you watch their actions. At least Satanists are morally consistant.

HAIL SATAN!!! PRAISE TO THE DEVIL!!! I give my soul to him!!

Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on June 12, 2009 at 7:16 AM

"Satanists don't believe in forgiveness"? I thought that they just didn't believe in a traditionally moral or cultural imperative to forgive. If a Satanist isn't "allowed" to forgive by his or her own ideology, it defeats what Satanism is as defined by those who have affirmed it in the past few decades.

Posted by Estey on June 12, 2009 at 7:46 AM