Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Books I Have Been Dreading This Day
Posted by Paul Constant on Wed, Jun 10, 2009 at 3:22 PM
When I first got this job, I began dreading one single moment in time. And now, I know when that moment will be: July 7th, 2009. That is the day this book will be published:
It is the dawning of The Crowning Glory of Calla Lily Ponder, by local author Rebecca Wells. I read The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood (following the same impulse that later led me to read The Da Vinci Code and The Secret), and the process of reading that book nearly killed me: The touchy-feely yuppie princessiness of the whole endeavor inspired paroxysmal attacks from somewhere deep inside me. I hope I don't wind up reading this book, but I'm terrified that I might wind up doing so.
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2
Just write a review of a new book you like and pretend like nobody will notice you're talking about a completely different book. It'll be hilarious.
3
Typical Paul Constant: "Here's a blog post about the seven types of bookstore customers. It's interesting but I actually personally believe there's fourteen types. There's the douche bag who comes to book readings. Plus Japanese people are so weird and so stupid, look how goofy they are.
Us book editors think that japanese people are stupid and goofy because the eat funny food and they are addicted to porn manga".
Dan Savage has a random Paul Constant blog post generator and it creates this pointless drivel full that turns any story into something about Paul, and is full of misplaced bold typeface and the occasional racist statement about the Japanese.
Us book editors think that japanese people are stupid and goofy because the eat funny food and they are addicted to porn manga".
Dan Savage has a random Paul Constant blog post generator and it creates this pointless drivel full that turns any story into something about Paul, and is full of misplaced bold typeface and the occasional racist statement about the Japanese.
12
Bring it to a Slog Happy and farm it out.
*I will presumably have time to write a review of that book I picked up now that it's summer.
*I will presumably have time to write a review of that book I picked up now that it's summer.
13
When my mother bought me a copy of Yaya Ladies 12 years ago, I knew definitely that she did not know me, nor would she ever. I still read it & cringed- my curiosity at how bad it was & what was it that would make it so bad overtook me. I really didn't want to, but I had to. Being the dateless, skinny nerd I was, I probably didn't have anything else to do anyway!
14
I tried to read that "Ya Ya" book, and had to put it down after a hundred pages or so. It was pretty fucking awful. And she kept referring to farts as "poots". Who does that?
15
DOOT IF U HAVE TO FEAR THAT YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY PICK THIS UP AND REEED EEET (KEEEP EEEN MIND THAT READING IT REQUIRES TO MAKE THAT CHOICE, BUZZOCK), THEN U R ALREEEEDY LAMER THAN LOLICON. SERIOUSLY. NOT THAT HARD TO RESIST. PANZZY.
16
July 7.
LOL. Anyway, what if on July 7th a big old full moon sun spot
wiped out all bloggers. THEN you could, say, "dread the day."
[Do I hear silence?]
Ooooo, one big ouch for techy-pokey bloggers
everywhere and then, for long time after, much less waste of
time */space*/energy spent reading words online.
Then what on Earth will we do?
LOL. Anyway, what if on July 7th a big old full moon sun spot
wiped out all bloggers. THEN you could, say, "dread the day."
[Do I hear silence?]
Ooooo, one big ouch for techy-pokey bloggers
everywhere and then, for long time after, much less waste of
time */space*/energy spent reading words online.
Then what on Earth will we do?
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