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News & ArtsTuesday, June 9, 2009
Homo / Books Weeping Cocks and Honeyed Clefts
Posted by Lindy West on Tue, Jun 9, 2009 at 4:56 PM
I don't have TOO much to say in my defense regarding this book review (come on, people—it's a rude review about a silly book), but I couldn't help but notice that some of you are real mad.
Here is a sampling of comments:
If you don't know anything about slash fans or the subculture, just as in judging other subcultures, it's probably best to keep your damn mouth shut on the subject.
Um, can we revisit the assumption that nobody is allowed to make fun of anybody's subculture? Of COURSE I'm allowed to make fun of your subculture.
The alternative, of course,is that you're wrong about romance novels being socially conservative and wrong about the women who read them.Which, actually, you are.
Wow. You're right. It's a super progressive genre.
I'm merely saying that while Lindy is talking about a genre other than slash, her offensive remarks about slash fans turned this reader off.
All I said about slash is that it is "kooky."
I'm also disturbed by the phrase "dirty gay fanfic" and the subsequent pause in train of thought while Lindy attempts to conjure up the worst case scenario. It's that this fanfiction was labeled dirty before you even had an example in mind that bothers me. Is it that it's dirty because it's fanfiction, or because it's homosexual in nature?
What?
"David slipped into his lover's mouth, just as Tobias slid a slender finger into his entrance [note: This entrance is also an exit!]."
Technically, ALL "entrances" on the human body are also exits. At least, I personally can't think of an orifice that doesn't excrete something at some point. By your implication then, the only sex anyone should be having should consist entirely of handjobs and frottage.
What??
Slash fiction, meanwhile, has many pairings, with Kirk/Spock being the most traditional and well known. Why not use that pair as an example rather than an underage wizard and his evil nemesis?
Good question. Not as funny. NEXT!
Umm... yeah, about slash... It's very dumb of to call it "dirty gay fanfic about, like, Harry Potter touching Voldemort's magic johnson" 'cause it's not. Next time do your homework.
Oh. Wait. What is it, then? I wish someone with some expertise would weigh in.
This article got several bursts of laughter out of me, but none as hard as "dirty gay fanfic about, like, Harry Potter touching Voldemort's magic johnson". That is PRICELESS.(And yes, I am a slash writer. The difference is that I'm a slash writer with a SENSE OF HUMOR.)
I'm so confused now.
While I can appreciate the attempt at humor here, I feel Ms. Lindy is a bit too sexually conservative to appreciate this genre, and find myself agreeing with #3 when they say this is "kind of like a Vegetarian Critic at a Steak House". For heavens sake, if you don't even properly understand or recognize the terms "weeping" and "fisting" how much romance, gay OR straight, could you really have read?
Quit making fun of my sexually conservative subculture!!!!!!!
Anyway, sorry (kind of) if I hurt anyone's feelings. But like I said, I'm not going to not make fun of your silly book. In closing, here's something I forgot to mention in my review. It's the author's dedication in the beginning of Transgressions, a book that contains the phrase "Michael's hand slipped to his weeping cock and closed around it, fisting it slowly." (Sorry for the shitty photo quality):
To the memory of my mother, Joanne,
with grateful thanks.
Offered without comment.
2
Lindy, I support your poking fun at slashfic and romance novels, 'cuz you're so damn good at it. And how could you not?
Also, i applaud the slashfic author with a sense of humor.
Sex, in general, is kinda funny. Writing about sex, as a consequence, is hilarious.
Also, i applaud the slashfic author with a sense of humor.
Sex, in general, is kinda funny. Writing about sex, as a consequence, is hilarious.
6
Personally? As a reader of slashfics, I find that way too many readers/writers in the genre are EXTREMELY TOUCHY. Probably comes from some kind of hangup about doing something they've been told is dirty.
Frankly, a lot of fanfic is dirty, raunchy stuff. And that's fine! An awful lot of it is also really poorly written, particularly the dirty, raunchy stuff a lot of folks enjoy. Doesn't stop me from enjoying it... (Ok, except for misspellings. Misspellings in smut just completely drive me nuts. Spellcheck, people!)
I'm with @2 - sex is funny, badly written sex is funny, and funny is enjoyable. People need to, pardon the expression, get a grip.
Frankly, a lot of fanfic is dirty, raunchy stuff. And that's fine! An awful lot of it is also really poorly written, particularly the dirty, raunchy stuff a lot of folks enjoy. Doesn't stop me from enjoying it... (Ok, except for misspellings. Misspellings in smut just completely drive me nuts. Spellcheck, people!)
I'm with @2 - sex is funny, badly written sex is funny, and funny is enjoyable. People need to, pardon the expression, get a grip.
7
Seriously, you should've known better than to mess with slash ficcers. They live on the internet, they have huge big egos that are exceedingly fragile, and they think that anyone who doesn't like slash (in general or any particular pairing in specific) is a homophobe. It doesn't matter if you're absolutely spot-on in your critique, because being right doesn't mean much if they're just going to scream and scream and scream until you wish you'd never been born.
8
It takes a special kind of person to dedicate a porno to their mother...and a special kind of mother to have a porno dedicated to them.
11
Lindy -- you're hilarious. Feel bad you've had to put up with these uptight cultish freaks *especially* after having written an absolutely HILARIOUS piece. I laughed my ass off when I read it. Keep doing what you're doing and don't let a bunch of socially retarded weirdos get you down. You were writing it for the rest of us slash-fic laypeople and we loved it :-)
P.S. Dedication AWESOME. Hahahaha
P.S. Dedication AWESOME. Hahahaha
12
Lindy, keep this going. These people are hilarious, and your critique is a slender finger in their overly retentive entrances.
13
But why are the cocks so sad? Doesn't anyone care about the sad cocks? Who will enhappy the cocks?
17
I thought your review was funny as hell, and more than I ever thought I'd read about the weeping-cock genre of fiction. Being, as I am, a faggot trekkie, and thus a member of TWO subcultures about which people often say mean things, I should hope my encouragement counts for something.
18
If/when I have children, I will consider myself a failure as a parent unless one of them dedicates some form of porn to me.
19
Don't sweat it Lindy. Philip Jose Farmer set the bar with his ur/ novel "A Feast Unknown" back in 1969, and nobody (at least in the admittedly few instances of the genre I've read) has managed to come anywhere close to the standard he set.
And yes, most of the people I've met who will even admit to being into / have absolutely no fucking sense of humor.
And yes, most of the people I've met who will even admit to being into / have absolutely no fucking sense of humor.
20
The review was interesting because the genre is interesting.
As for the mocking, personally, it turns me off when someone makes a big point of deriding other people's sexual turn ons. It's cheap and easy, and in this case it's not a fair fight.
Perhaps, Lindy, if you were to first lay out all your sexual fantasies and kinks for everyone to see, then your critique of others' sexuality would come off as good fun.
As for the mocking, personally, it turns me off when someone makes a big point of deriding other people's sexual turn ons. It's cheap and easy, and in this case it's not a fair fight.
Perhaps, Lindy, if you were to first lay out all your sexual fantasies and kinks for everyone to see, then your critique of others' sexuality would come off as good fun.
21
But she DIDN'T CRITIQUE ANYONE'S SEXUALITY. She said, and I'm paraphrasing, "Wow. This is some funny shit. See how funny? I'm not turned on by it, but good on ya if you are."
The end.
The end.
22
I wish Lindy would review MORE erotic writing on Slog -- it's all either hilarious or gross, even when it's good. You can't lose!
Please, Lindy? I want this to become a regular feature so bad...
Please, Lindy? I want this to become a regular feature so bad...
23
You know, I don't like Erastes' writing (honey cleft? whatever, dude) and probably won't purchase this book, but the review still annoyed me. I may have had a different reaction if I had read it in the print edition, but the excessive capitalization and !!!!! really bugged me and made it difficult to read. I felt like I was being shouted at by a 12-year old girl.
24
@23: Because you *are* being shouted at by a 12-year old girl.
Sheesh. Get with the program already.
Sheesh. Get with the program already.
26
@22: All erotica is either hilarious or gross?
Look, it sounds like you and Lindy don't have a very rich sexual fantasy life. And there's nothing wrong with that. I'm not judging.
But if Lindy is going to regularly pan erotic writing, I think she should bring more of her own sexuality (or lack thereof) into the review. Otherwise, she's basically just another douchebag who responds to someone's sexual openness with humiliation. Same general category as the guy who heckles strippers.
Look, it sounds like you and Lindy don't have a very rich sexual fantasy life. And there's nothing wrong with that. I'm not judging.
But if Lindy is going to regularly pan erotic writing, I think she should bring more of her own sexuality (or lack thereof) into the review. Otherwise, she's basically just another douchebag who responds to someone's sexual openness with humiliation. Same general category as the guy who heckles strippers.
28
Lindy, I thought your review was terrific (and thanks to Dan for the Slog link to it, since I missed it the first time around.) You shouldn't change a word of it, and you definitely shouldn't apologize for a second to these touchy touchy oh-so-touchy slash fans who have been whining all over the comments.
re:
"David slipped into his lover's mouth, just as Tobias slid a slender finger into his entrance [note: This entrance is also an exit!]."
Technically, ALL "entrances" on the human body are also exits. At least, I personally can't think of an orifice that doesn't excrete something at some point. By your implication then, the only sex anyone should be having should consist entirely of handjobs and frottage.
What??
I saw this in the comments, too, and meant to comment on it myself.. Whoever you were, original poster, I truly hope you're now ashamed of yourself for your dipshittery.
re:
"David slipped into his lover's mouth, just as Tobias slid a slender finger into his entrance [note: This entrance is also an exit!]."
Technically, ALL "entrances" on the human body are also exits. At least, I personally can't think of an orifice that doesn't excrete something at some point. By your implication then, the only sex anyone should be having should consist entirely of handjobs and frottage.
What??
I saw this in the comments, too, and meant to comment on it myself.. Whoever you were, original poster, I truly hope you're now ashamed of yourself for your dipshittery.
29
@26, Goodness your undies are tight! That book deserved to be panned because it's horribly written. Which doesn't matter a bit; it's meant to turn you on, and as long as it does that, why should you care that someone's getting a kick out of it's clunky metaphors? Getting all sensitive and crying victimization over a book review does not sound like someone who's comfortable with her turn-ons.
And I do read erotica, by the way -- I started with Anais Nin when I was sixteen and I haven't stopped since. I also write it, for my own pleasure. And you know what? Most of it is awful writing, and even the well-written stuff is funny and/or gross when read out of a sexual context. Sex is funny and/or gross when it's taken out of a sexual context. Slash fiction is no big deal -- stop taking your precious sexuality so seriously.
And I do read erotica, by the way -- I started with Anais Nin when I was sixteen and I haven't stopped since. I also write it, for my own pleasure. And you know what? Most of it is awful writing, and even the well-written stuff is funny and/or gross when read out of a sexual context. Sex is funny and/or gross when it's taken out of a sexual context. Slash fiction is no big deal -- stop taking your precious sexuality so seriously.
30
I'm guessing Lindy's sexual fantasies involve aliens that love big girls and release a hallucinogenic gas while making sweet love to a fat girl that instantly causes her to imagine herself as height/weight/proportionate. With long sexy legs.
31
@26: Based on one review, you make the huge assumption of Lindy not having a "rich" sexual fantasy life and you're not "judging"? Dude. Come on. That kind of ass is impossible to cover.
34
The oh-so-delicate flowers who took offense at Lindy's review need to realize that the book they're defending so forcefully is just not well written. Lindy is not passing judgement on what turns you on. She's telling you you're a silly twat for taking it so seriously.
36
What has the badly written book to do with fanfic?
There are lots of fanfics in different fandoms over there, which are far more worth reading then MOST of the books you can buy.
How about a good quote for a change?
"Pushing him up against the wall of an abandoned building, I grab him by the jaw, tilt his head up, and kiss him.
It's a rough and savage kiss, just how I like them. Matt's lips open to my plunder immediately, and my tongue is on his instantly. He brings a hand up to my back, to pull me closer. I nip his bottom lip, suck on the top, and slide my leg in between his, leaning in and devouring him for all there is to be had. I claim him, and he is ever so giving."
“Do you think you're up for it?” I ask, stabbing forward roughly with the rubber cock.
"Matt lets out a strangled cry, throwing his head back and grimacing. His leg, up on my shoulder, kicks wildly and his body squirms in protest, but I have a firm hold of him. I tighten my grip on his bony pelvis, his slight abs fully outlined as he takes deep, ragged breaths.
“Oh? But that's barely one inch,” I mock him..."
Masamune Reforged "Sin Or Spend The Night All Along"http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3822014/1/Si…
There are lots of fanfics in different fandoms over there, which are far more worth reading then MOST of the books you can buy.
How about a good quote for a change?
"Pushing him up against the wall of an abandoned building, I grab him by the jaw, tilt his head up, and kiss him.
It's a rough and savage kiss, just how I like them. Matt's lips open to my plunder immediately, and my tongue is on his instantly. He brings a hand up to my back, to pull me closer. I nip his bottom lip, suck on the top, and slide my leg in between his, leaning in and devouring him for all there is to be had. I claim him, and he is ever so giving."
“Do you think you're up for it?” I ask, stabbing forward roughly with the rubber cock.
"Matt lets out a strangled cry, throwing his head back and grimacing. His leg, up on my shoulder, kicks wildly and his body squirms in protest, but I have a firm hold of him. I tighten my grip on his bony pelvis, his slight abs fully outlined as he takes deep, ragged breaths.
“Oh? But that's barely one inch,” I mock him..."
Masamune Reforged "Sin Or Spend The Night All Along"http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3822014/1/Si…
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