Slog
News & ArtsMonday, June 8, 2009
Sex / Media "The Era of Hookups"
Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Jun 8, 2009 at 8:54 AM
NPR discovers a disturbing new trend:
The hookup—that meeting and mating ritual that started among high school and college students—is becoming a trend among young people who have entered the workaday world.
It's a classic sex panic piece—young people having casual secks!—and the culture of hooking up is described as a dire emotional and social crisis. But based on the results of the poll at the bottom of Brenda Wilson's piece, it doesn't look like NPR's listeners are quite buying it.
1
did you even listen to the report? it wasn't really a "panic piece" so much as just an "fyi to the older folks" piece.
people have been "hooking up" for a long time. our label-crazed society just needed a new, sexier title for the one night stand.
people have been "hooking up" for a long time. our label-crazed society just needed a new, sexier title for the one night stand.
2
Erica - I agree with your position on this, but I think you misread the poll. If you add up the negative responses to hook-ups - "pointless" "degrading" and "dangerous" - you get 52%.
3
My great-grandmother (born 1896) once told my mother that "EVERYONE was having sex" back when she was a twenty-something, and "don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
5
Who gives a shit about 20-somethings? We're grown adults and can do whatever the fuck they want. We're not children anymore, so stop giving the "elders" a report card of our behavior. If the report was regarding children 10 and under, then there might be room for concern or second thought, because those little shits still live at home under their parent's rules. End of story.
9
How is 20-somethings having random sex/hookups anything new? How is it even an "fyi to the older folks"? This isn't a trend. Unless you're looking at an extremely long timeline...
10
I heard this and sat and listened because I was waiting for her to say something new (and i have a 13 yr-old daughter). She didn't. It was just a young people have sex and they meet on facebook and they text each other!! With a little sex does not equal intimacy thrown in.
11
I don't read the "pointless" option as necessarily negative. Pointless doesn't equal destructive, just... you know... pointless. A waste of time, but not gonna kill you or make baby Jesus cry. So my reading of the results of this unscientific poll: 62% of NPR listeners—NPR listeners—regard hooking up as liberating/empowering/fun/no biggie/pointless, and only 38% regard it as a threat to all those good and decent.
12
I heard the piece and didn't think it was necessarily trying to scare anyone...it did seem to me like a "no duh" sort of story. The most interesting thing about it was the interview with young lady but I wouldn't say it advanced the story much.
13
I'm with Julie @ 9,
I don't get how this is anything new.
Oh, I don't consider "pointless" necessarily a negative. Even if it's removed from either positive or negative, it doesn't change the unscientific results.
I don't get how this is anything new.
Oh, I don't consider "pointless" necessarily a negative. Even if it's removed from either positive or negative, it doesn't change the unscientific results.
14
2, Twenty-somethings love pointless fun. Take video games for example, or Facebook, Twitter, etc. All are pointless, yet fun, liberating, empowering, no big deal, pointless fun.
15
Sure it's no big deal,
if you're not the one who some abortionist is going to rip to shreds when 'pointless' hookups lead to 'accidental' pregnancy...
if you're not the one who some abortionist is going to rip to shreds when 'pointless' hookups lead to 'accidental' pregnancy...
18
"The hookup—that meeting and mating ritual that started among high school and college students—is becoming a trend among young people who have entered the workaday world."
I don't understand this line. Weren't "young people" also once high school and college students? Did they start the trend they are now adopting?
I don't understand this line. Weren't "young people" also once high school and college students? Did they start the trend they are now adopting?
19
@4 Seriously. Its not shrill, and there isn't any unnecessary, random bolding. Its almost not a Savage piece.
20
@15 are you for killing the 50 million women who've had abortions via lethal injection, or the electric chair?
21
Leake found that he was also up against women who had as much money as he had, if not more, and he says dating had just become too expensive. "You used to be able to get away with paying $30 for a dinner and a movie," Leake says. "Not anymore."
Maybe at McDonald's and the discount movie theater... no wonder this guy couldn't get a date!
22
18, I think it's more that people are waiting until later to get married. Workaday twenty somethings want to build their careers, and lives before being tied down, but they don't want to be celibate in the meantime.
23
Unscientific? What's unscientific about an online poll?
I love the fact that "hookups" includes kissing. 20-somethings KISSING? Sodom and Gomorrah, here we come! Shades of the Great Kissing Panic of 1874.
I love the fact that "hookups" includes kissing. 20-somethings KISSING? Sodom and Gomorrah, here we come! Shades of the Great Kissing Panic of 1874.
24
Also, I would dispute the notion that college is a free-for-all fuckfest, particularly in the math, science, and engineering departments.
25
God, this shit fucking annoys me. Young people are "hooking up" more (which, as Fnarf points out, apparently includes kissing) therefore no one's dating? Could've fooled me.
hooking up has virtually replaced dating.
God, this shit fucking annoys me. Young people are "hooking up" more (which, as Fnarf points out, apparently includes kissing) therefore no one's dating? Could've fooled me.
26
What a piece of biased shit.
Studies..."found a stalwart 28 percent who remain virgins."
It's clear right away which side of the moral argument the writer lies on.
Studies..."found a stalwart 28 percent who remain virgins."
It's clear right away which side of the moral argument the writer lies on.
27
I wonder what the next trendy word for doing things that everyone already knows about will be once the word "hooking up" is no longer en vogue?
28
Another 50 year-old columnist gets turned down by a teenage waitress and wants to cry about it, bar graph in hand.
Was NPR less shitty once-upon-a-time or was I just younger?
Was NPR less shitty once-upon-a-time or was I just younger?
29
The radio segment was very different from the printed article linked to...I heard this piece...and I kept thinking "SFW."
Right at the beginning of the piece there was a woman talking about how to hook up. I thought it was going to turn into a date-rape piece. But then it became this thing about how consenting adults do things with each other that they both consent to.
The only lament I had about the people in the piece is that they are afraid of love-because they might get hurt. Casual sex is casual, but love...that is personal! But again...isn't that the same for all of us?
When I was the same age-20 years ago-we did the same thing. We hooked up, sometimes, kissing, sometimes oral, sometimes penetration, and sometimes something even more fun.
So Fucking What.
Right at the beginning of the piece there was a woman talking about how to hook up. I thought it was going to turn into a date-rape piece. But then it became this thing about how consenting adults do things with each other that they both consent to.
The only lament I had about the people in the piece is that they are afraid of love-because they might get hurt. Casual sex is casual, but love...that is personal! But again...isn't that the same for all of us?
When I was the same age-20 years ago-we did the same thing. We hooked up, sometimes, kissing, sometimes oral, sometimes penetration, and sometimes something even more fun.
So Fucking What.
31
I am with #3. Some people have been engaging in some form of this behavior since the dawn of time. The only thing that really changes is the technology that might aid in said behavior.
33
16
No.
Sorry to confuse you, Dan.
I was being sarcastic.
Promiscuous sex of any kind carries a high negative cost (to emotional and physical health).
And a thin layer of latex does not turn unsafe behavior into safe behavior.
Real world condom use has a high failure rate.
No.
Sorry to confuse you, Dan.
I was being sarcastic.
Promiscuous sex of any kind carries a high negative cost (to emotional and physical health).
And a thin layer of latex does not turn unsafe behavior into safe behavior.
Real world condom use has a high failure rate.
34
wait... dangerous and degrading is bad? Maybe that's just a more descriptive way of saying 'fun'.
37
38% regard "hooking up" as a threat to all those good and decent because that is the segment of the population that's not getting any.
Kissing? Kissing is considered hooking up? They should take that one out along with groping. That is not "hooking up". Real "hooking up" involves spoodge...or the female equivalent.
Kissing? Kissing is considered hooking up? They should take that one out along with groping. That is not "hooking up". Real "hooking up" involves spoodge...or the female equivalent.
38
Select 1:
A) desperate reach to the feature file
B) a comprehensive examination of the rising social trends amongst the reporter's niece at the Mem Day BBQ and her friend that she was able to get on the phone and was willing to be interviewed.
A) desperate reach to the feature file
B) a comprehensive examination of the rising social trends amongst the reporter's niece at the Mem Day BBQ and her friend that she was able to get on the phone and was willing to be interviewed.
39
33, Just because you are emotionally fragile, teetering on the edge, and inept at condom usage, doesn't mean that most people are.
40
39
maybe not
"During a year of typical condom use, between 10 and 15 out of 100 sexually active women will become pregnant."
also
Studies done on heterosexual sero-discordant couples — where one partner is HIV-positive and the other HIV-negative — show that HIV was transmitted in 10 to 15 percent of couples with typical use male condoms for both vaginal and anal sex.
http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/2219.…
so if the typical couple use condoms, after 6-10 years they will all have had at least one accidental pregnancy and have caught AIDS...
maybe not
"During a year of typical condom use, between 10 and 15 out of 100 sexually active women will become pregnant."
also
Studies done on heterosexual sero-discordant couples — where one partner is HIV-positive and the other HIV-negative — show that HIV was transmitted in 10 to 15 percent of couples with typical use male condoms for both vaginal and anal sex.
http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/2219.…
so if the typical couple use condoms, after 6-10 years they will all have had at least one accidental pregnancy and have caught AIDS...
41
40, I wonder why you left out some important statistic from your link?
With proper condom usage, unplanned pregnancy was between 2 & 3 percent, and HIV transmission was 0 percent.
So you're one of the 10 to 15 percent who can't manage proper condom usage?
With proper condom usage, unplanned pregnancy was between 2 & 3 percent, and HIV transmission was 0 percent.
So you're one of the 10 to 15 percent who can't manage proper condom usage?
43
@40 you are a paranoid jackass.
I don't think proper condom usage is his problem, proper courtship ... perhaps ... The same bitter, I'm a self righteous conservative who doesn't get any so one else should either?
Typical usage of condem says failure is about 10 to 15 times out of a 100?
To be honest ... in a typical year, if I'm getting off 30 times a year durring vaginal intercouse (regardless of the number of partners.) I'm having a pretty good year! I would say my odds are pretty good. If I was approaching the hundred mark or beyond, then I guess I would probably have a significant other. Then maybe the accident can be dealt with with some level of respect and discourse.
I'm also pro choice ....
And I ride a motorcycle, does that count as playing in the freeway?
Dude, as for your AIDs paranoia ... it's actually surprisingly really really hard to catch AIDS. The consequences of catching it are obviouosly dire (and why we rightfully cautious in engaging in sexual behavior)... but seriously you have better odds catching chlamydia, herpes etc. etc. before you get the A-bomb!
I don't think proper condom usage is his problem, proper courtship ... perhaps ... The same bitter, I'm a self righteous conservative who doesn't get any so one else should either?
Typical usage of condem says failure is about 10 to 15 times out of a 100?
To be honest ... in a typical year, if I'm getting off 30 times a year durring vaginal intercouse (regardless of the number of partners.) I'm having a pretty good year! I would say my odds are pretty good. If I was approaching the hundred mark or beyond, then I guess I would probably have a significant other. Then maybe the accident can be dealt with with some level of respect and discourse.
I'm also pro choice ....
And I ride a motorcycle, does that count as playing in the freeway?
Dude, as for your AIDs paranoia ... it's actually surprisingly really really hard to catch AIDS. The consequences of catching it are obviouosly dire (and why we rightfully cautious in engaging in sexual behavior)... but seriously you have better odds catching chlamydia, herpes etc. etc. before you get the A-bomb!
44
Why do people continue to define "hooking up" with such a wide range of behavior? Kissing and sex are quite a bit different in real life.
45
40 is such a douche. Single women in their 20s have a pretty high rate of birth control pill usage, which drives pregnancy rates down to basically zero in conjunction with condoms. Hook up a little lube (the good kind they sell in gay sex shops, not this K-Y crap) and condom failure isn't much of a risk either.
HIV risk varies tremendous by socio-economic status. For the upper-middle-class kid NPR is worrying about, the big risk is Herpes...
HIV risk varies tremendous by socio-economic status. For the upper-middle-class kid NPR is worrying about, the big risk is Herpes...
46
It just seems to me that something different IS happening. Men have always been seen as the "promiscuous" gender. The ones who would happily have sex with people they hardly know (if at all). Thus the reputation of gay men as being more promiscuous that say lesbians or breeders. Women have always been seen as the gate keepers, the reluctant ones who only wanted to have sex with people they had some emotional connection with. Most of us thought of this difference as being biological and unlikely to change. In fact ,it may be that it's more social than biological. I see and meet, in person and online, more and more women for whom sex is as much a recreational activity as an emotional one. It may be that as women become more and more independent, emotionally, financially, and socially, the more they will view sex the way men do and the more willing they are to indulge in casual, recreational sex.
47
I totally agree with Dan's opinion, but as far as that poll goes... the combined total of respondents who see casual sex as either "pointless", "degrading", or "dangerous" is 52%, a slight majority.
48
I am a college student. When I was in high school boys would sometimes ask me out, but I wasn't ready to date so I said no. Now I am ready and willing to date- but nobody ever asks me out. I wonder whether it's me or if everyone is just so busy hooking up that no one cares about dating. Since I am not interested in casual sex what do I do? Date Christians? I'm not about to stoop to that...
49
When I was in my 20s (the 1970s) I was hooking up. When I was in my 30s I was hooking up. When I was in my 40s I was hooking up. I'm now 55 and still hooking up. The big difference between then and now? I no longer listen to NPR.
50
@48 ... take it for what it's worth.
But the biggest turn off I used to present to women was the intensity I had toward sex. When sex is such a big huge glorious event to me ... it just intimidates the bejesus out of women.
When it became less of a spectacle, it got a little easier to deal with people and get to know them better. Maybe we are a sexual society, and as a result you have to get through the sex to get to the heart, and not the other way around.
And depressing as it may sound ... giving a girl flowers has become like 12th base. You can be Hugh Jackman, but if you walk up to a girl with sappy affection she is going to assume stalker quicker than you can say restraining order.
But the biggest turn off I used to present to women was the intensity I had toward sex. When sex is such a big huge glorious event to me ... it just intimidates the bejesus out of women.
When it became less of a spectacle, it got a little easier to deal with people and get to know them better. Maybe we are a sexual society, and as a result you have to get through the sex to get to the heart, and not the other way around.
And depressing as it may sound ... giving a girl flowers has become like 12th base. You can be Hugh Jackman, but if you walk up to a girl with sappy affection she is going to assume stalker quicker than you can say restraining order.
51
Adolescence has been extended from 14 to 24 due to the new expectation that everyone go to college and not have their first drink until they are are college seniors and not have their first smoke, ever.
Marriage at 15 is now considered shocking, which it certainly was not when I was growing up, at least not for females .. like now, it was normal for girls to marry during or right after their last year in school, its just that in my day, the last year in school was usually the 12th grade.
In the Muslim world where the last year of school is still often the 6th grade, it is still not unusual for girls to be married off at 13 or 14. Biologically, there is no reason to wait.
In tribal communities that do not have formal school, it is at the onset of puberty, which is probably the historical and prehistorical norm, with the male a couple of years older .. closer to the peak of their sexual prowess of age 18. That is 'peak', not 'beginning'.
So, if there is anything at all to this dog-bites-man story, it is a descripton of a side-effect of modern societal pressure for greatly delayed marriages, not a side-effect of, um, the over-use of myspace.
D.C.
Marriage at 15 is now considered shocking, which it certainly was not when I was growing up, at least not for females .. like now, it was normal for girls to marry during or right after their last year in school, its just that in my day, the last year in school was usually the 12th grade.
In the Muslim world where the last year of school is still often the 6th grade, it is still not unusual for girls to be married off at 13 or 14. Biologically, there is no reason to wait.
In tribal communities that do not have formal school, it is at the onset of puberty, which is probably the historical and prehistorical norm, with the male a couple of years older .. closer to the peak of their sexual prowess of age 18. That is 'peak', not 'beginning'.
So, if there is anything at all to this dog-bites-man story, it is a descripton of a side-effect of modern societal pressure for greatly delayed marriages, not a side-effect of, um, the over-use of myspace.
D.C.
52
Nothing new? I was in HS in the 1950's. Many back then "went steady," but even so, sexual intimacy was never a part of their relationships except for a few, and then it was only after the couple had dated for quite a long time. Even a good night kiss at the door was an issue. How many dates should take place before such a kiss was appropriate?
Any girl who got the reputation for being "easy" was looked at with disdain. Even boys who dated these few were looked at as unscrupulous opportunists and other girls refused to date them due to their inordinate interest in sex.
So yes, sexual morays have changed considerably since I was a teen.
Any girl who got the reputation for being "easy" was looked at with disdain. Even boys who dated these few were looked at as unscrupulous opportunists and other girls refused to date them due to their inordinate interest in sex.
So yes, sexual morays have changed considerably since I was a teen.
53
Nothing new? I was in HS in the 1950's. Many back then "went steady," but even so, sexual intimacy was never a part of their relationships except for a few, and then it was only after the couple had dated for quite a long time. Even a good night kiss at the door was an issue. How many dates should take place before such a kiss was appropriate?
Any girl who got the reputation for being "easy" was looked at with disdain. Even boys who dated these few were looked at as unscrupulous opportunists and other girls refused to date them due to their inordinate interest in sex.
So yes, sexual morays have changed considerably since I was a teen.
Any girl who got the reputation for being "easy" was looked at with disdain. Even boys who dated these few were looked at as unscrupulous opportunists and other girls refused to date them due to their inordinate interest in sex.
So yes, sexual morays have changed considerably since I was a teen.
54
Bill ... yes and no. I would suggest promiscuity was dependent on class. Lower class and poverty had higher levels of promiscuity. Didn't the 1950's also have the highest and incidence of juvenile delinquency?
If you didn't get married young, then didn't you enter a culture of "hooking up" as you moved throughout your 20's, such as high school and college.
Thank you facebook, but going back in time ... I'm more amazed at who WASN'T having sex in high school. People were having sex in high school, but by no means was it the majority and half the supposed sex was simple talk.
If you didn't get married young, then didn't you enter a culture of "hooking up" as you moved throughout your 20's, such as high school and college.
Thank you facebook, but going back in time ... I'm more amazed at who WASN'T having sex in high school. People were having sex in high school, but by no means was it the majority and half the supposed sex was simple talk.
55
In Dan's role as The Outrageous One, he's getting carried away here. The piece wasn't panicked, and frankly, the fact that less than a quarter find it "fun," 8% find it either empowering or liberating, and ALL THE REST are either apathetic or downright negative about it . . . well, if someone wanted to postulate that it's a bad trend, that's a pretty defensible breakdown.
Dan pretty much supports people sticking anything anywhere with zero of that "panicky" commitment that used to go with it, so of course he's not going to like NPR pointing out that people are having meaningless sex everywhere.
Dan pretty much supports people sticking anything anywhere with zero of that "panicky" commitment that used to go with it, so of course he's not going to like NPR pointing out that people are having meaningless sex everywhere.
56
Have you noticed, that people are still having sex?
All the denouncement had absolutely no effect.
Parents and counselors constantly scorn them.
But people are still having sex and nothing seems to stop them.
All the denouncement had absolutely no effect.
Parents and counselors constantly scorn them.
But people are still having sex and nothing seems to stop them.
57
So perhaps the 30-45% of people who like hooking up should keep hooking up, and everyone else should refrain from hooking up? Although if you never even kiss anyone with whom you're not well-acquainted, you're not going to have a whole lot of second dates.
And I love how "hooking up" basically doesn't have a definition. Does having a FWB count? I mean, I clearly knew these people - quite well, in fact - so does that mean it wasn't "hooking up" since it wasn't a stranger? These things ARE important as they will influence people's perceptions of the activity. If most people who are "hooking up" are just knocking boots with a friend that they have no romantic feelings for, I would think people would have less of a problem with that than one-night stands. And people would have even less of a problem with "hooking up" if it mostly consisted of marathon make-out sessions. Also, less hysteria since I imagine the incidence of random make-outs and regular FWB sex is higher than that of one-night stands. Teenagers and college students may do lots of dumb things, but I never knew many who would have loads and loads of one-night stands with random strangers. Not that one-night stands are ALWAYS dumb, but they often are, especially if you're a het woman. I don't care if that's sexist, and I'm not referring to emotional issues, a woman is at more physical risk than a man in a situation like that.
And I love how "hooking up" basically doesn't have a definition. Does having a FWB count? I mean, I clearly knew these people - quite well, in fact - so does that mean it wasn't "hooking up" since it wasn't a stranger? These things ARE important as they will influence people's perceptions of the activity. If most people who are "hooking up" are just knocking boots with a friend that they have no romantic feelings for, I would think people would have less of a problem with that than one-night stands. And people would have even less of a problem with "hooking up" if it mostly consisted of marathon make-out sessions. Also, less hysteria since I imagine the incidence of random make-outs and regular FWB sex is higher than that of one-night stands. Teenagers and college students may do lots of dumb things, but I never knew many who would have loads and loads of one-night stands with random strangers. Not that one-night stands are ALWAYS dumb, but they often are, especially if you're a het woman. I don't care if that's sexist, and I'm not referring to emotional issues, a woman is at more physical risk than a man in a situation like that.
58
I've read a book explaining where does the hookup behavior come from. Some researches demonstrate that the rise of women's rights, popularization of the birth control pills, the friendship between the sexes and later marriage evolved free relationships and casual-sex in 60's-70's. Frankly speaking, I don't really believe that hooking up prevents people from getting into relationships, I do hope it's just a new pathway into relationships, because many of them started with it.
Advertisement
Most Commented on Slog
-
Hating People Doesn't Make Them Thinner by Jen Graves
-
Los Angeles Gay Bar Bans Bachelorette Parties Until Marriage Equality Is Attained by David Schmader
-
Fill in the Blank by Grant Brissey
-
This Reminds Me of the Great Calculator Scare of the Late '70s/Early '80s by David Schmader
-
Idiot Tries to Defend Bigoted Anti-Gay-Marriage Preacher on Anderson Cooper by Paul Constant
-
Six Moms with Too Much Time on Their Hands and a Shitty Website Decide to Fight Gay Superheroes by Paul Constant
-
Why Mayor McGinn's Wife Canceled Her Family's Seattle Times Subscription by Eli Sanders
-
What the Hell Is Wrong With Seattle's Pride Parade? by Dominic Holden
-
The Saturday Morning News by Unpaid Intern
-
NYC Man Ticketed for Not Riding in the Bike Lane by Jonathan Golob
RSS
Facebook
Twitter
Comments (58) RSS