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Saturday, June 6, 2009

Shut Your Donut Hole

Posted by on Sat, Jun 6, 2009 at 12:42 PM

Cash, credit, or blood of Jesus? Thanks—I think—to Slog tipper Mary.


Comments (42) RSS

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sirkowski 1
STOP TALKING ABOUT BLOOD! Gross cannibal wingnuts...
Posted by sirkowski on June 6, 2009 at 12:55 PM · Report this
"Did you know God bought you with his own money?"
Posted by flamingbanjo on June 6, 2009 at 12:59 PM · Report this
hartiepie 3
That was more than irritating.....

What is most disturbing is that many people wouldn't see anything strange in this video....

(I grew up with a bunch of them)
Posted by hartiepie on June 6, 2009 at 1:06 PM · Report this
gijo by the bay 4
This country really scares me at times. Any agnostic type children programming out there? Maybe in a 100 years...
Posted by gijo by the bay on June 6, 2009 at 1:08 PM · Report this
Vince 6
Perverting little brains for ...exploitation.
Posted by Vince on June 6, 2009 at 1:22 PM · Report this
of course it was around the donut hole. at somepoint when the man comes out of the closet he will be so ashamed of his misteachings.
Posted by SASS on June 6, 2009 at 1:23 PM · Report this
Christian children's shows are the freaking scariest things that have ever been produced.
Posted by Sheryl on June 6, 2009 at 1:39 PM · Report this
Allyn 9
@4 Sponge bob Square Pants-smurfs-flintstones-magic school bus-curious george--- oh, Im too tired for this game.

That vidoe was obnoxious to the nth degree, but not so much for its message as for the really lousy... well, everything. That was just bad.

But keep in mind that until recent years, this was all some christians felt they could show their kids. They were told that allowing their kids to watch normal tv was of the devil and if their kids had to watch tv it should be uplifting, happy and bible-centered. And early christian videos were just realy terrible (I know, I used to have to watch them) with the kind of acting tallent you only see in... well, 80's-era christian childrens videos. So its painful to watch, but only to the degree of having to watch an episode of Barney.
Posted by Allyn on June 6, 2009 at 1:44 PM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 10
Now, I'm hungry.

Maybe I'll head over to Top Pot or something...
Posted by TheMisanthrope on June 6, 2009 at 1:50 PM · Report this
I would pay good money for that creepy as hell bread loaf on a baking pan puppet.
Posted by doceb on June 6, 2009 at 2:14 PM · Report this
Posted by kmauser on June 6, 2009 at 2:25 PM · Report this
Hyzenthlayk9 16
That was just all kinds of creepy.

We should probably try to remember the face of that grown up - seems like he could be a candidate for "Youth Pastor Watch" (I'm sure that his participation in this production is counted as a type of youth pastoring).

Now excuse me while I go find some porn or other wholesome thing to try to wash video clip out of my mind. Brrr.
Posted by Hyzenthlayk9 on June 6, 2009 at 3:11 PM · Report this
foolish-rain 17
So is it a FCC requirement that the kids all be labeled "TOOLS" or is that part of a voluntary truth-in-advertising program?
Posted by foolish-rain on June 6, 2009 at 3:37 PM · Report this
JoeG 18
I couldn't make it to the end. What the hell did the ginormous silver pearl have to do with the price of donuts in China?

@9, don't forget Davey and Goliath and its ilk--
Posted by JoeG on June 6, 2009 at 3:41 PM · Report this
"Donuts. Is there nothing they can't do?"

The Book of Homer
Posted by Zander on June 6, 2009 at 3:45 PM · Report this
Somebody should do some research and see if that emissary of Jesus ever appeared on the ever growing youth pastor watch...
Posted by give me pom on June 6, 2009 at 3:55 PM · Report this
kim in portland 21
JoeG @ 18,

It's from the Parable of the Hidden Treasure and the Pearl, found in Matthew chp. 13 vs. 45-46.
Posted by kim in portland on June 6, 2009 at 3:58 PM · Report this
kim in portland 22

The kingdom of heaven is the giant pearl, I should have added that. Sorry.
Posted by kim in portland on June 6, 2009 at 4:00 PM · Report this
Schmooze 23
I'm totally baffled by this. Mostly because I cannot come up with anything I would change to turn it into parody. It's already parody, culminating in the "blood of Christ" stage whisper at the end. Is it possible the makers of this show are actually subversive athiests?
Posted by Schmooze on June 6, 2009 at 4:01 PM · Report this
Ivan Cockrum 24
Didn't this show's producers get the memo about how only child molesters wear mustaches?
Posted by Ivan Cockrum on June 6, 2009 at 4:13 PM · Report this
Betsy Ross 25
That shit is fucked up.
Posted by Betsy Ross on June 6, 2009 at 5:24 PM · Report this
So, these people believe humanity "used to belong to the devil, but God wanted us back"? And what means did this all-knowing, all-powerful entity decide was the absolute best way to ensure the return of his property?

Does he kick the devil's ass and take back what belongs to him?

Does he ask politely for the return of said property?

No! He sends his kid down to earth, sets him up for a slow, painful death at the hands of a ruling secular authority, abetted by the religious authority figures of the locale where he happened to plop the kid down, then uses his "blood" as currency to effect what turns out to be some sort of metaphysical business transaction!

Oh, and love the part where we humans are merely "property" to be exchanged between these two supernatural beings; yeah, that explains a lot.

But even better, the people who choose to believe all this think the best way to impart this information to their own children is through the employment of inane songs, and talking bakery products? Really?

Is it any wonder I can't take a word these people let dribble out of their slack-jawed pie-holes with even a minimal degree of seriousness?
Posted by COMTE on June 6, 2009 at 5:40 PM · Report this
Hey, Dan very creepy. As a fellow Chicagoan there must be some ghastly stuff out there from The Magic Door. Remember the theme song: Come through the Magic Door with Me Gilly Gilly Gilly Ah Sa Sa - yes I'm sure the spelling is wrong, but I'm not Jewish, so I hope I'll be forgiven by the acorn gods.
Posted by Peggy on June 6, 2009 at 5:48 PM · Report this
kim in portland 28
Comte @ 26,

Points for getting the general idea, although your summary is an extreme oversimplification. Your summary has some errors, but your premise that it doesn't make sense isn't off the mark. You see, it is a decision your heart makes. It has no rhyme or reason, at least it doesn't for me.

Despite our slack-jawed pie-holes, not all of us who choose to believe think that best way to impart this information to our own children is through the employment of inane songs, and talking bakery products. Some of us choose to be out in community helping the poor, paying to educate orphans in Niger and Mozambique, counseling women in crisis due to domestic violence, and advocating for equal rights for the LGBTQ community. We understand that taking the talk without walking the walk is bullshit. We prefer to teach by serving. We've observed that the best testimonies are made with actions and very few words.

I've always enjoyed your comments. They have been thought provoking. But, I must disagree with some of this one, you're free to ignore my dribble. :)

Best wishes,
Posted by kim in portland on June 6, 2009 at 6:36 PM · Report this
Rhoda Skidmark 29
@17 And why doesn't the adult get a sign, too? He seems like an enormous tool.
Posted by Rhoda Skidmark on June 6, 2009 at 6:40 PM · Report this
Original Monique 30
T minus until the child abuse scandals come out. Dude looks like he wants to eat those kids.
Posted by Original Monique on June 6, 2009 at 9:15 PM · Report this
@ 28:

What about those good works requires jesus / the bible / Christianity? Would you have not done them otherwise? The whole notion seems so utterly non sequitor. I applaud you for doing them, but I utterly fail to see what faith - especially Christianity or any one single belief system - has to do with it. Can I not do good work for my fellow human because I'm not "saved"?
Posted by Juris on June 6, 2009 at 10:47 PM · Report this
@31 - Absolutely you can. And you are right, doing good things can have little to do with faith.

But, speaking only for myself, doing good works, advocating for those society has forgotten, and speaking in favor of justice for all is a response to my faith. It is a response to Jesus' commandment to "Love one another as I have loved you."

Now, I don't believe that I am earning my salvation or anything like that by doing good. In fact, my particular brand of Christianity believes that there is nothing we can do to earn salvation - it was a gift freely given by Christ when he died on the cross. Doing the right thing is simply following in Christ's footsteps, and living by his example.

I will grant you that other denominations would tell you something else entirely. And you know? I think that is something that frustrates both non-believers and Christians on both sides of the theological continuum; we claim to worship the same, trinitarian God, but our interpretations and understandings of the story are entirely different. A conservative Catholic, a conservative Baptist, a conservative Lutheran, a liberal Lutheran, a liberal UCC member, and a liberal, Christian-identified, Unitarian Universalists are all going to give you different answers if you ask them what is the "Good News" and what should our response be.

Hope that made sense. It is 1:30 a.m. and I shouldn't be thinking deep thoughts this late.
Posted by Sheryl on June 6, 2009 at 11:24 PM · Report this
Uriel-238 33
One of the problems is, we've tasted quality faith-based children's programming. Mr. Rogers Neighborhood was in production, teaching us unconditional regard, from 1968 to 2001, and was one of my best influences as a kid.

I have to agree with Schmooze in that I thought it was a parody until about three quarters through the clip before I got that sinking feeling that this was really intended as a kids' show.
Posted by Uriel-238 on June 7, 2009 at 12:11 AM · Report this
what did I learn today? I learned that this is f'ing scary, and that religious tv shows are the work of the devil.
Posted by hlr on June 7, 2009 at 1:41 AM · Report this
kim in portland 35
Juris @ 31,

Absolutely, you can do good. Having compassion for others and extending a helping hand, can have very little little to do with faith.

For me, "good works", are a response to the command we are given to "love one another as I have loved you." It is the driving force that takes me beyond my personal selfishness, it is the movivation that gets me out of my sick bed to help a woman fill out a restraining order because she's scared. It's my humbling point and the mirror, by which I see my own faults and failings, and my own need for grace.

I don't believe that I can earn salvation. I don't belive that I am earning bonus points, either. I know that there are denominations who think differently. My involvements with society are my sincere desire to follow Christ, they are the outward manifistation of my personal relationship with him.

I hope that helps.
Posted by kim in portland on June 7, 2009 at 9:03 AM · Report this
douglas 37
there isn't too much in the world creepier than a guy talking to children about bloodletting. and then dancing with them.
Posted by douglas on June 7, 2009 at 9:38 AM · Report this
douglas 38
i thought this was a wondershowzen skit at first. it's a fascinating thing when parody and reality are indistinguishable.
Posted by douglas on June 7, 2009 at 9:40 AM · Report this
David K 39
Posted by David K on June 7, 2009 at 10:37 AM · Report this
emote_control 40
Man, the molester moustache. The thinly-veiled anus references. The blood. Oh, god, the blood.
Posted by emote_control on June 7, 2009 at 1:03 PM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 41
What a bunch of tools.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on June 7, 2009 at 3:28 PM · Report this
Tingleyfeeln 42
I finally watched this, and I wish I hadn't, this is fucking creepy.
Posted by Tingleyfeeln on June 7, 2009 at 4:07 PM · Report this
Fuck me, that was upsetting.

Posted by Judah on June 7, 2009 at 7:50 PM · Report this
@4 - umm...what? Children's programming nearly always tends toward the secular because it's championed by those godless commie leftists with their public television. Religious "moral majority" asshats like Newt Gingrich have always been the ones trying to shut down that sort of thing while religious children's programs are the sorts of things you can only get for payments of $19.95 from infomercials.

Hell, even Mr. Rogers (a freakin' MINISTER) didn't get all God-preachy on his show.
Posted by laurelgardner on June 8, 2009 at 1:14 AM · Report this
Rob in Baltimore 45
Two girls and a cup was less disturbing than that.

If God is omnipotent, why would he need to sacrifice anything just to change his own rules? God couldn't forgive your sins without having to kill his "only son"? Who ever made this stuff up didn't really think through all the plot holes.
Posted by Rob in Baltimore on June 8, 2009 at 5:22 AM · Report this
Violet_DaGrinder 47
I wanna see that guy's VH1 "Behind the Music" special. I'm curious which drug landed him in rehab. Or which little boy landed him in jail.
Posted by Violet_DaGrinder on June 8, 2009 at 12:48 PM · Report this
If I eat a virgin donut, is that an immaculate consumption?
Posted by Gomez on June 9, 2009 at 9:23 AM · Report this

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