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News & ArtsSaturday, June 6, 2009
Homo Letter of the Day
Posted by Dan Savage on Sat, Jun 6, 2009 at 2:07 PM
Dear Editor,Love the work you do and am a avid reader.
I have a problem. The place where I work is looking for ways to celebrate gay pride month. There are problems though. Most people that work there tolerate the news version of what gay people are..... the end. And if you ask them what they think about gay pride they would tell you that it is OK but then walk away.
I have a bulletin board that I need to put together and am looking for ideas as to what would really put gay pride out there and what it is all about without going over the top. And yes, I did the google version of this already and got bored.
Any ideas that you or your readers could give me would be much appreciated.
Freespirit
Help her out, Sloggers.
5
Freespirit,
No bulletin board could fully describe what it means to be gay, or to be proud.
But for starters, go to a teacher's supply store and look for some of those colorful bulletin board borders--preferably rainbow or shiny. That would be fabulous.
No bulletin board could fully describe what it means to be gay, or to be proud.
But for starters, go to a teacher's supply store and look for some of those colorful bulletin board borders--preferably rainbow or shiny. That would be fabulous.
6
Ask LGBT and ally employees post a picture of and write a paragraph about their families. Just show yourselves as yourselves - regular people (or not, as the case may be ;).
7
@6's idea is good. Since gay marriage in the spotlight, maybe have a part of the board dedicated to gay couples who have gotten married and their families (couples who have some connection to the employees, the company, the city you live in, etc. -- random couples would be weird).
I don't know, you could also add some sort of historical perspective in there (a timeline of major events in gay rights movement?... something like "look at how much progress we've made and how much we have to be proud of"). Might be tough to do without coming across as "look how terrible we used to have it", but could be a nice educational thing if done right...
I don't know, you could also add some sort of historical perspective in there (a timeline of major events in gay rights movement?... something like "look at how much progress we've made and how much we have to be proud of"). Might be tough to do without coming across as "look how terrible we used to have it", but could be a nice educational thing if done right...
8
5 6 7
great ideas
if you want to bore them to death
how about some pictures of YOU buttfucking
that will get their attention
great ideas
if you want to bore them to death
how about some pictures of YOU buttfucking
that will get their attention
11
THE FACT IS GAY PRIDE IS MEANT TO BE FOR GAY PEOPLE
if anyone thinks we do all this to please some constipated mainstream fantasy about out lives, shit, get a grip.
Ge some of the great pix, rainbows, clowns, feathers, floats and drag types .... dancers about from Thai, Hispanic to hip and disco , smiling P flag moms, dedicated _____ and ______ and_________, including the little dogs and wagons.
Show it all. And Lurleen, sorry you think you are just normal. I have though you special for some time now in reading your stuff.
By the way, the marriage issue is really ho hum to most straights folks. Really boring. And getting more so, what another state, geez, guess the ACLU is dong their job ... talk and image fun.
And truth it, marriage, will be just a small part of Pride, even this year.
if anyone thinks we do all this to please some constipated mainstream fantasy about out lives, shit, get a grip.
Ge some of the great pix, rainbows, clowns, feathers, floats and drag types .... dancers about from Thai, Hispanic to hip and disco , smiling P flag moms, dedicated _____ and ______ and_________, including the little dogs and wagons.
Show it all. And Lurleen, sorry you think you are just normal. I have though you special for some time now in reading your stuff.
By the way, the marriage issue is really ho hum to most straights folks. Really boring. And getting more so, what another state, geez, guess the ACLU is dong their job ... talk and image fun.
And truth it, marriage, will be just a small part of Pride, even this year.
12
Well the first question you will need to ask:
Question: how do they separate the men from the boys?
Answer: with a crowbar
Question two: What's a bisexual?
Answer: Someone who likes men and boys (See: Sam Adams).
Question: how do they separate the men from the boys?
Answer: with a crowbar
Question two: What's a bisexual?
Answer: Someone who likes men and boys (See: Sam Adams).
13
Most important question: Why are lesbians almost always FUGLY? Seriously, I've never seen one at the parade who made me think: shame she isn't playing on our team.
14
I kind of like the idea that @11 has of showing the different types of groups/people that march in the pride parade. I know you don't want to show the crazier stuff, but you could show the PG rated stuff. A picture of PFLAG marching with an explanation of who they are and what they do. Maybe an out politician marching with some stuff about legislation they've worked on. Families with kids/dogs watching. Etc.
17
If you wanted to really have fun with your co-workers, you could photoshop all the heteros into "family pictures" of your matchmaking fantasy and mix them in with the real LGBT family pics. Let them experience for a month what it's like to be a sexual minority featured on a bulletin board. And they'd all appreciate the experience since they all know there's nothing wrong with people thinking you're gay. Right? Am I right? ;)
18
Why not post photos of famous gay people. There are many people who don't know that Ian McClelland, Elton John, Freddie Mercury and many more are gay. It's an ice breaker because so many like these talented people and the work they've done.
21
Seems like they're pretty ambivelant to the whole thing. Mission accomplished right? Oh, you want special attention? Oh, I see....
22
It seems that a workplace that is actively looking for ways to celebrate pride month doesn't need to celebrate it. Isn't that what Pride in general is supposed to be? A socio-political festival, whose main goal is, in the end, to put itself out of business?
Don't do anything for Pride Month. Just promise to vote pro-equality legislation and for pro-equality candidates on the next ballot.
Don't do anything for Pride Month. Just promise to vote pro-equality legislation and for pro-equality candidates on the next ballot.
24
I think the idea of including the faces and some comments about notable GLBT folks is a good start.
Since it's a work thing, how about grabbing some statistics from Richard Florida's research that shows how wherever the Gay population goes, the wealth of the local economy rises.
And maybe since it's pride you should focus solely on the positives, but part of me thinks if this is your only chance to get everyone's attention focussed on GLBT stuff, that it might be worth including a few things about the harmful impact of homophobia on GLBT people, some stats on how it harms people's success in the workplace, and how a high proportion of suicides are by GLBT people. Just reinforce the need for pride, and then focus on the pride.
Since it's a work thing, how about grabbing some statistics from Richard Florida's research that shows how wherever the Gay population goes, the wealth of the local economy rises.
And maybe since it's pride you should focus solely on the positives, but part of me thinks if this is your only chance to get everyone's attention focussed on GLBT stuff, that it might be worth including a few things about the harmful impact of homophobia on GLBT people, some stats on how it harms people's success in the workplace, and how a high proportion of suicides are by GLBT people. Just reinforce the need for pride, and then focus on the pride.
25
Hey Freespirit,
ASH557 makes a good point, being gay is an intrinsic part of a person which is very personal and difficult to put in to words. Ask somebody who is considered a visible minority, or form a different culture what it means to them and people's view points vary wildly.
It sounds like your colleagues don't know any gay people, don't want to know them, and don't understand why it is necessary. Perhaps you would do well to focus less on the celebration and more on the education. You know, like Black History Month?
Personally, Pride for me has always been a celebration of friendship and belonging to a larger community. I grew up in the very conservative suburb of large city. I was a very late bloomer, always a small scrawny kid and my voice didn't change until almost senior year. High school was pure hell. There were no gay role models in the media and I thought I must be the only gay kid in the world. Didn't help that my entire school picked on me because I was different, including some of my teachers. Not a day went by I wasn't called a fag, I was punched (in front of teachers who stood by and did not intervene), shoved in to lockers, and told I should go home and kill myself. Which believe me many times seemed like the only option available to me. Finally a new Vice Principle arrived half way through my senior year who took action and facilitated a transfer to another school. Hooray the bulling stopped, for a time. At my new school after passing under the radar for a few months one of the Cheerleaders in my English class took a disliking to me and it all started up again. She made a point to humiliate me whenever, wherever she could and got the rest of the squad and the jocks involved as well. I started skipping classes because i was too afraid to go to school. The truly infuriating part was I found out the transfer from my old school was approved by the board of education not to ensure my safety but because I was considered to be a disruption to the culture and student body of my old school. The blame was laid squarely on me for being bullied!! So when I became a "disruption" at my new school they wanted to kick me out of there as well. My education, a basic fundamental right, was in jeopardy, not too mention my future college plans because I was a target of bullying.
How was I at fault here? I never talked back to my aggressors. I took the beatings believing that somehow the educators would protect me. Now the school board was considering preventing me from finishing the year only 2 credits away from graduating, and I was an Honor student throughout.
After much negotiation I was allowed to finish school on "Independent Study" I did not have to submit my homework, had to come in to write the exams and I would be given a pass on the two course I was allowed take to get my diploma no other classes. My homework wasn't graded to verify if I was actually learning anything. My GPA went out the window because of the "Pass" given on only 2 courses and not being allowed to carry a higher course load. How do you suppose that affected my ability to get in to a good college? Nevertheless, as bad as I thought I had it I've met many people over the years who had it worse than me. At least I wasn't pistol whipped and left for dead tied to a fence in the middle of nowhere.
I celebrate Pride because I am proud of who I am. I'm proud of the accomplishments I've made in my life despite all the odds being deliberately stacked against me because I'm gay. Celebrating with my gay friends who have faced similar adversity from family and society telling them that gay people are worthless. I identify as a number of things, Son, Brother, Uncle, Family member, Community Volunteer, and while being gay is fundamentally a big part of who I am it doesn't top the list. First and foremost I am a human being and expected to be treated with all the rights and privileges with which that accords.
So maybe it would be good for everyone in your work place to understand the adversity, discrimination, and outright hatred the GLBT community has had to over come, and the work that lay before us, that we need their help, empathy and compassion to achieve then they will understand why Pride celebrations are necessary.
There are hundreds of stories out there, would be wise to share a few of them.
More...
ASH557 makes a good point, being gay is an intrinsic part of a person which is very personal and difficult to put in to words. Ask somebody who is considered a visible minority, or form a different culture what it means to them and people's view points vary wildly.
It sounds like your colleagues don't know any gay people, don't want to know them, and don't understand why it is necessary. Perhaps you would do well to focus less on the celebration and more on the education. You know, like Black History Month?
Personally, Pride for me has always been a celebration of friendship and belonging to a larger community. I grew up in the very conservative suburb of large city. I was a very late bloomer, always a small scrawny kid and my voice didn't change until almost senior year. High school was pure hell. There were no gay role models in the media and I thought I must be the only gay kid in the world. Didn't help that my entire school picked on me because I was different, including some of my teachers. Not a day went by I wasn't called a fag, I was punched (in front of teachers who stood by and did not intervene), shoved in to lockers, and told I should go home and kill myself. Which believe me many times seemed like the only option available to me. Finally a new Vice Principle arrived half way through my senior year who took action and facilitated a transfer to another school. Hooray the bulling stopped, for a time. At my new school after passing under the radar for a few months one of the Cheerleaders in my English class took a disliking to me and it all started up again. She made a point to humiliate me whenever, wherever she could and got the rest of the squad and the jocks involved as well. I started skipping classes because i was too afraid to go to school. The truly infuriating part was I found out the transfer from my old school was approved by the board of education not to ensure my safety but because I was considered to be a disruption to the culture and student body of my old school. The blame was laid squarely on me for being bullied!! So when I became a "disruption" at my new school they wanted to kick me out of there as well. My education, a basic fundamental right, was in jeopardy, not too mention my future college plans because I was a target of bullying.
How was I at fault here? I never talked back to my aggressors. I took the beatings believing that somehow the educators would protect me. Now the school board was considering preventing me from finishing the year only 2 credits away from graduating, and I was an Honor student throughout.
After much negotiation I was allowed to finish school on "Independent Study" I did not have to submit my homework, had to come in to write the exams and I would be given a pass on the two course I was allowed take to get my diploma no other classes. My homework wasn't graded to verify if I was actually learning anything. My GPA went out the window because of the "Pass" given on only 2 courses and not being allowed to carry a higher course load. How do you suppose that affected my ability to get in to a good college? Nevertheless, as bad as I thought I had it I've met many people over the years who had it worse than me. At least I wasn't pistol whipped and left for dead tied to a fence in the middle of nowhere.
I celebrate Pride because I am proud of who I am. I'm proud of the accomplishments I've made in my life despite all the odds being deliberately stacked against me because I'm gay. Celebrating with my gay friends who have faced similar adversity from family and society telling them that gay people are worthless. I identify as a number of things, Son, Brother, Uncle, Family member, Community Volunteer, and while being gay is fundamentally a big part of who I am it doesn't top the list. First and foremost I am a human being and expected to be treated with all the rights and privileges with which that accords.
So maybe it would be good for everyone in your work place to understand the adversity, discrimination, and outright hatred the GLBT community has had to over come, and the work that lay before us, that we need their help, empathy and compassion to achieve then they will understand why Pride celebrations are necessary.
There are hundreds of stories out there, would be wise to share a few of them.
26
"And if you ask them what they think about gay pride they would tell you that it is OK but then walk away."
That's awful. Bigots!!
That's awful. Bigots!!
27
Your co-workers know Elton John is gay.
But I bet they have never seen a picture of Elton buttfucking.
Maybe you could get one.
Maybe Elton would autograph it.
"to the gang at work..."
You'd have your bulletin board right there.
Just add some glitter.
But I bet they have never seen a picture of Elton buttfucking.
Maybe you could get one.
Maybe Elton would autograph it.
"to the gang at work..."
You'd have your bulletin board right there.
Just add some glitter.
28
My issue with a lot of gay pride celebrations is that so much of its energy is devoted to getting your rocks off. And in its infancy maybe that's what gay pride should have been about - that is to say...no longer ashamed of being attracted to people of your own gender. Say it loud! Say it strong! That sort of thing.
Now that we are nearly into the third generation of the movement, it seems to me much of the emphasis should be on heightening awareness of the many great and wonderful contributions gay men and woman have made to civilization throughout human history. Isn't that something we should be proud about, too?
Now that we are nearly into the third generation of the movement, it seems to me much of the emphasis should be on heightening awareness of the many great and wonderful contributions gay men and woman have made to civilization throughout human history. Isn't that something we should be proud about, too?
30
I agree with the idea of showing monumental events in the history of the gay rights movement, along with lots of images (contemporaneous photos, stills from documentaries, etc.). Happy families with children also sounds good, just make sure they come across authentic and not mall-photo-studio like.
The problem with presenting interviews with local gay and lesbian individuals is that it presumes that people are going to stop and read the board, when in reality they're probably only going to glance at the pictures. You want the layout, color balance, etc, to be as good as possible, so it appeals to people visually and makes them want to look more closely. Then, maybe, you can include some text, but I think that should be a secondary consideration.
The problem with presenting interviews with local gay and lesbian individuals is that it presumes that people are going to stop and read the board, when in reality they're probably only going to glance at the pictures. You want the layout, color balance, etc, to be as good as possible, so it appeals to people visually and makes them want to look more closely. Then, maybe, you can include some text, but I think that should be a secondary consideration.
31
@29: Yes, but only those who both lived under rocks and didn't actually even know who Freddie Mercury was. I am withholding both their names so as to protect the preciously innocent.
32
@25: Thank you for sharing your story
Especially when there are those who still stand against the passage of anti-bullying bills (in spite of the many kids that often take their lives due to the pressure).
I'm glad that you were able to come through those experiences with your sense-of-self intact. Not everyone can, and I admire you for that.
I have to ask, were you able to continue your post-secondary education?
Is that your black-and-tan in your icon? Nice mask (for the non-dog people, that's the facial markings).
Especially when there are those who still stand against the passage of anti-bullying bills (in spite of the many kids that often take their lives due to the pressure).
I'm glad that you were able to come through those experiences with your sense-of-self intact. Not everyone can, and I admire you for that.
I have to ask, were you able to continue your post-secondary education?
Is that your black-and-tan in your icon? Nice mask (for the non-dog people, that's the facial markings).
33
Bring pagan straights into Pride by celebrating Bifrost, the Norse God of the Rainbow, who is king of the ways and the means and the paths and the roads and is uncle of all the Gods.
Bifrost brings the Sun after a storm.
Bifrost draws people together.
Bifrost buys Thor (the God of big muscles small brains and bad weather) beer and buggers him basely between bouts of bottoming.
Pray to the Old Gods and divine that diversity is no division, but determines the destinies of dilute demographics.
Bifrost brings the Sun after a storm.
Bifrost draws people together.
Bifrost buys Thor (the God of big muscles small brains and bad weather) beer and buggers him basely between bouts of bottoming.
Pray to the Old Gods and divine that diversity is no division, but determines the destinies of dilute demographics.
34
There's no better way to undermine a cause than for some company's HR department to put up some cheesy decorations and posters and shit for the sake of employee "morale".
My advice? Don't take this too seriously, and just do something minimally annoying.
My advice? Don't take this too seriously, and just do something minimally annoying.
35
People spend 85 percent of their brain power fantasizing about sex. If they're straight, they're not going to want to spend more than a few seconds on Gay Pride. It's a distraction from the primary drive.
Vice Versa for Gays I would think -- Gay men wouldn't be concerned about issues involving Hooters for more than an instance...would they?
This is a case where people confuse disinterest with dislike.
People spend 85 percent of their brain power fantasizing about sex. If they're straight, they're not going to want to spend more than a few seconds on Gay Pride. It's a distraction from the primary drive.
Vice Versa for Gays I would think -- Gay men wouldn't be concerned about issues involving Hooters for more than an instance...would they?
This is a case where people confuse disinterest with dislike.
36
How about some gays that really matter? Baynard Rustin, Oliver Sipple, Mark Bingham, Eric Alva, Tammy Baldwin. Eff people, Pride is about more than acting wild at a parade.
38
@37: Remember that Dan sees all of the information that the letter writer sends, knowing that they are male or female certainly can be among those facts, as well as the writer's location and real name - all of which Dan would, and should, keep as info that only he needs to know - and not share it with the readers in the columns or on Slog.
41
Try writing "June is Gay Pride Month" in letters across the top, Put a world map up, write "Gay People Can Be Found Here" across the bottom. Voila!
42
Thanks Kim and Hyzenthlayk9 to answer your question I did go to college but being still so shell shocked from my experiences I was completely overwhelmed and not ready for it. I dropped out towards the end of my first year. The upside is that I eventually returned to school years later when I was able to pull myself together. Hoping I will have the time to start work on a Master's Degree this fall.
It's funny, I rarely ever talk about my experiences because it seems like a million years ago and something that happened to another person. Most of my friends have no idea of my tormented teenage years, but I do speak of it occasionally. I speak of it when it's important for people to hear. When it's important for people to hear it to ask themselves, does anyone deserve to be treated like this? What justifies such hatred. When I read some of the bile that gets spewed out on this Blog I shake my head. What twisted interpretation of the Bible justifies the way I was bullied?
I didn't choose to be gay anymore than I chose to be abused. The adversity that many gay people have had to personally overcome needs to be better recognized to understand why we get upset about little things like Hate Crime legislation, and the rights and freedoms afforded by Same Sex Marriage.
ps. Hyzenthlayk9 the pic is my 9mth old Rottie/Dobe puppy I rescued in January. He keeps my 5yr old Rottie/Lab company. And, yeah, he's a handful!!
It's funny, I rarely ever talk about my experiences because it seems like a million years ago and something that happened to another person. Most of my friends have no idea of my tormented teenage years, but I do speak of it occasionally. I speak of it when it's important for people to hear. When it's important for people to hear it to ask themselves, does anyone deserve to be treated like this? What justifies such hatred. When I read some of the bile that gets spewed out on this Blog I shake my head. What twisted interpretation of the Bible justifies the way I was bullied?
I didn't choose to be gay anymore than I chose to be abused. The adversity that many gay people have had to personally overcome needs to be better recognized to understand why we get upset about little things like Hate Crime legislation, and the rights and freedoms afforded by Same Sex Marriage.
ps. Hyzenthlayk9 the pic is my 9mth old Rottie/Dobe puppy I rescued in January. He keeps my 5yr old Rottie/Lab company. And, yeah, he's a handful!!
43
How about a what gay is and isn't. Like gay is biological, gay isn't a "choice". Gay is your mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, niece, nephew. Gay isn't the pedophile, the pervert, the molestor, the rapist.
44
@42: Cool. The pup will help keep the 'older' one young, and the 5 yr old will help the pup learn what he needs to know - especially all about his 'puppy license' expiring, which if it hasn't already should be coming up pretty soon.
If we were in the same part of the country I think I can say that you're the sort of person I'd hang out with and possibly talk/do dog activities with (I have Siberians - all rescues, too).
If we were in the same part of the country I think I can say that you're the sort of person I'd hang out with and possibly talk/do dog activities with (I have Siberians - all rescues, too).
45
My father works for the WA State Corrections system and had the task of doing this as well. He asked me to ask my friends for pictures of themselves and permission to use them with a list of hobbies and pass times that they enjoy. He put the pictures up with the listings of their hobbies and then he put up some pictures in the bulletin board of some of his straight friends with the listings of their hobbies and then at the bottom "Can You tell which people are gay? I didn't think so." Just to drive home that we are all different people and have the same kinds of interests the only place we differ is the gender we are physically attracted to happens to be our own. It was a way of humanizing us to a group that honestly REALLY WAS AGAINST him putting up any display for Gay Pride Month.
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