I've never really watched Spike TV. It's aimed towards dudes, and I'm not a dude, so shows like MANswers don't thrill me at all. But last night, while dazed from too much allergy medicine and not enough sleep, I ended up watching Spike TV and discovering a show called 1000 Ways to Die.

Have you seen this?! It's really fucked up. It's basically the Darwin Awards but with reenactments and snide commentary. For example, last night, I learned about the man who died from a blood clot in his brain after he cut off circulation to his legs for hours when he tied a big sausage to his leg to make it appear as though he had a giant penis. Also: a woman choked on a fish (it got stuck in her throat and the scales made it impossible to pull out), a man died after the pepper spray he put up his butt went off (he shoved it up there after getting pulled over by the police—he was on parole and it was against the rules to have it), and also this happened... this woman was sucked to death...

It's awful. And it's amazing. And it's terrible. And I couldn't stop watching it.