Find Your Valentine
Slog
News & ArtsMonday, June 1, 2009
Religion Planet Earth: Where All Religions Are Above Average
Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Jun 1, 2009 at 3:15 PM
It's hard to keep track of which one of the world's religions is the fastest-growing—in part because they all claim to be the fastest-growing religion somewhere. Scientology claims to be the fastest-growing religion in the world...
"The Scientology religion is the only major religion to have emerged in the 20th century. It is the world's fastest growing religion, found in over 264 countries, with tens of thousands of new people becoming Scientologists every day."
Mormonism is the fastest-growing religion in the US...
To fight the legalization of gay marriage by the California court, San Francisco's Catholic Archbishop George Niederauer enlisted the help of Mormon officials in Utah (where Niederauer, for a time, served as bishop). The Church of Latter-Day Saints is the fastest-growing religion in America. But, despite its adherence to Republican "family values," the Mormon Church is haunted by a cowboy polygamy...
Islam is the fastest-growing religion in US prisons...
Islam is the fastest-growing religion in US prisons, with between 30,000 and 40,000 conversions each year, according to a study for the justice department by Indiana State University criminologists.
See how that works? Your religion can be the "fastest-growing"—all you gotta do is divvy the world's population up into smaller and smaller chunks until you hit the jerkpot and claim to be the "fastest-growing." Did you know that Wicca is the fastest-growing religion on college campuses? And did you hear about Nadalism?
Nadalism is the fastest-growing religion in my underpants. Two minutes ago my left nut converted my right to Nadalism, which means Nadalism doubling in size every two minutes, which might make it the fastest-growing religion not just in my underpants, but the fastest-growing religion at the corner of Pine & 11th. Can I interest your left nut in some literature about Nadalism?
1
"Two minutes ago my left nut converted my right to Nadalism, which means Nadalism doubling in size every two minutes"
You just cracked me up good.
You just cracked me up good.
2
I was just ordained in The Church of the Latter-Day Dude, which proclaims itself "the slowest-growing religion in the world."
4
The Mormons base their "fastest-growing" claim numbers on both the living and those who are forcibly baptised post-mortem.
5
I'd like to learn more about this Nadalism, Dan. You say it's the fastest-growing religion at the corner of Pine & 11th? Give me a flier.
6
Uh, but there aren't 264 countries in the world. There's between 192 and 195, depending on your criteria.
7
Technically, in the 21st Century, the world's fastest growing religions are Pastafarianism and Jediism.
But then, just because we have reached true enlightment and share spaghetti and meatball dinners with pirates fighting global warming and the Jedis who love them doesn't mean we get a lot of press.
For press, it's best to go to a coffee shop or drycleaner.
But then, just because we have reached true enlightment and share spaghetti and meatball dinners with pirates fighting global warming and the Jedis who love them doesn't mean we get a lot of press.
For press, it's best to go to a coffee shop or drycleaner.
8
Let's not forget the subtle threat of numbers that usually acompanies statements like these.
'there are over 1 billion [fill in the blank]s in the world!' (so don't mess with us)
'there are over 1 billion [fill in the blank]s in the world!' (so don't mess with us)
9
Maybe the Mormons should buy one of those McDonald's M's, with the slogan "over ten million served", complete with rotating number dial. McMormonism! I'm sure those new adherents are of increasing quality as well. Mmhmm.
10
Birth rates shouldn't count. Who cares if a religion's members are breeding at excessive rates? Conversions should be the only thing that matters -- whether a given religion is so amazing people are jumping at the chance to join up.
11
I hate it when people do numbers this way. 200% y/y growth is one thing, which is what some religions claim-Dan's testicles included-but when you compare that to actual headcount, it's completely insignificant. India's 2% annual population growth alone could account for over 2 million new Hindu's a year.
12
keshmeshi for the win @10.
Still, we need a control group of atheists to compare the groups with, of equal size.
Still, we need a control group of atheists to compare the groups with, of equal size.
14
From religioustolerance.org: The approximate size of each church...is unreliable, because denominations use different counting methods of varying accuracy.
And some Christian groups are regarded (by other Christian groups) depending on if they're siting the popularity of Christianity as a whole, or parsing thetrue Christians from the false, the misguided or heretics.
Depending on who you ask, non-religious (i.e. atheists, secularists, non-theists etc.) might be 2% of the population (as in those who are self-identified as such) or 20%-30% (including those that don't care enough to identify as anything).
And some Christian groups are regarded (by other Christian groups) depending on if they're siting the popularity of Christianity as a whole, or parsing thetrue Christians from the false, the misguided or heretics.
Depending on who you ask, non-religious (i.e. atheists, secularists, non-theists etc.) might be 2% of the population (as in those who are self-identified as such) or 20%-30% (including those that don't care enough to identify as anything).
15
"Two minutes ago my left nut converted my right to Nadalism, which means Nadalism doubling in size every two minutes"
Thank you for the second laugh today.
Thank you for the second laugh today.
16
I've considered myself an atheist for about 30 years now. But I think you have a pretty good chance of converting me to Nadalism. Particularly if your literature includes pictures. *grin*
17
this is the same method that Fox News is able to use to claim it has the top rated shows in "cable news"
18
I've never been impressed by the Mormon claims about their growth, and their implications that their increases demonstrate their religion is the right one. Considering that Mormons tend to have 10 kids per family and every male does two years of full-time missionary work, their increasing numbers aren't a surprise, but don't necessarily reflect whether the religion is valid.
19
Nadal lost yesterday at the French Open. It is probably one of the greatest shockers in tennis history since Nadal had won the French Open four years in a row and was aiming for his fifth!
Before losing to some guy I'd never heard of yesterday, Nadal was undefeated at the French Open tournaments, 32-0 or something. Many consider him to be the greatest clay court player of all time.
Ok, sorry, back to your homosexual fantasies about him! :)
Before losing to some guy I'd never heard of yesterday, Nadal was undefeated at the French Open tournaments, 32-0 or something. Many consider him to be the greatest clay court player of all time.
Ok, sorry, back to your homosexual fantasies about him! :)
21
Atheism is the fastest growing religion in the USA and even in the world.
www.city-data.com/forum/religion-philoso…
Of the 12 classic world religions, Zoroastrianism is the fastest growing religion.
answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=200…
Bahai's is the fastest growing religion in the world.
www.ghumakkar.com/2008/04/11/baha’i-house-of-worship-–-the-lotus-temple/
Zionism is the fastest growing religion in the world. soon take all over the planet earth even Iran says Islam fears Zionism,
www.faithfreedom.org/forum/viewtopic.php…
Lamaism is the fastest growing religion in Israel.
kuleuven.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=2208…
Paganism is the fastest growing religion in Canada.
novanewsnet.ukings.ca/nova_news_3588_127…
Through me and other Christians critical of Wicca and neo-Paganism, God is showing Its concern that neo-Paganism is the fastest growing religion in America.
paxcalibur.org/endwicca.htm
www.city-data.com/forum/religion-philoso…
Of the 12 classic world religions, Zoroastrianism is the fastest growing religion.
answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=200…
Bahai's is the fastest growing religion in the world.
www.ghumakkar.com/2008/04/11/baha’i-house-of-worship-–-the-lotus-temple/
Zionism is the fastest growing religion in the world. soon take all over the planet earth even Iran says Islam fears Zionism,
www.faithfreedom.org/forum/viewtopic.php…
Lamaism is the fastest growing religion in Israel.
kuleuven.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=2208…
Paganism is the fastest growing religion in Canada.
novanewsnet.ukings.ca/nova_news_3588_127…
Through me and other Christians critical of Wicca and neo-Paganism, God is showing Its concern that neo-Paganism is the fastest growing religion in America.
paxcalibur.org/endwicca.htm
22
Atheism is a thought process, not a conversion with rules and places to go and worship something. Isn't religion all about worshiping something? (Praying, etc)
23
"The Scientology religion is the only major religion to have emerged in the 20th century. It is the world's fastest growing religion, found in over 264 countries, with tens of thousands of new people becoming Scientologists every day."
They count any person who responds to their "FREE IQ/PERSONALITY TEST" as "becoming a Scientologist."
In reality, there are probably less than 50,000 in the US, a smidge less in the UK, and a handful across the globe.
They count any person who responds to their "FREE IQ/PERSONALITY TEST" as "becoming a Scientologist."
In reality, there are probably less than 50,000 in the US, a smidge less in the UK, and a handful across the globe.
25
So if we combine 23 (IQ/personality testing) with 6 (ummmm...264 countries???)...
Did they take their own IQ test???????
Did they take their own IQ test???????
27
It is insanely hard to get off of the Mormon rolls once you're on, no matter by what method: birth, conversion, etc. The attrition rate is big (people who were born Mormon but who are no longer active or even believers, converts who revert), but the church still counts everyone who was ever signed up. I've heard estimates that the church has fewer than half the actual members they claim to have.
28
I thought the road to heaven was supposed to be barely traveled. Wouldn't you be vying for the least growing religion to prove that you are the correct one?
29
@4 - Mormons don't include the "baptisms for the dead" in their numbers, but they are hugely inflated. Most of the converts they baptize are never heard from again and do not consider themselves Mormons, but the church still counts them. Heck, they even still count me!
30
"..tens of thousands of new people becoming Scientologists every day."
So the MINIMUM number of new Scientoligsts per year is:
20,000 X 365 = 7,300,000
Wow! According to their numbers their are at the very least 7.3 Million conversions a year! Why would they even make a claim so far-fetched?
So the MINIMUM number of new Scientoligsts per year is:
20,000 X 365 = 7,300,000
Wow! According to their numbers their are at the very least 7.3 Million conversions a year! Why would they even make a claim so far-fetched?
Advertisement
Most Commented on Slog
-
SL Letter of the Day: Pill The Homos! by Dan Savage
-
Dear Huffington Post... by Dan Savage
-
Because Guns Make Us More Safer by Goldy
-
The Rick Santorum Rally in Tacoma Probably Could Have Gone Better by Paul Constant
-
Slog Bible Study: Deuteronomy 21:10-14 by Goldy
-
The AP Is Reporting That Whitney Houston Is Dead by Paul Constant
-
SL Letter of the Day: Daddy Loves Who? by Dan Savage
-
Because Guns Make Us Safer by Goldy
-
Gay Kids Are Still Killing Themselves by Dan Savage
-
Gregoire: "This is signed!" by Eli Sanders
RSS
Facebook
Twitter
Comments (31) RSS