And the Catholic church suspended him and told him he would have to choose between the priesthood and his girlfriend? Well, he chose the priesthood—the the Episcopal priesthood.

Father Alberto Cutie, an internationally known Catholic priest who admitted having a romantic affair and breaking his vow of celibacy, is joining the Episcopal Church to be with the woman he loves, he said Thursday.

Thanks to Slog tipper Gitai.

Gregory Nies played Santa Claus in Lititz Springs Park. He was a youth group leader at the Lititz United Methodist Church, served on Borough Council and ran for mayor three times. And on Wednesday, Nies was arrested, accused of repeatedly sexually assaulting a 12-year-old girl.

Nies, 56, of South Spruce Street, was charged by borough police with inappropriately touching, hugging and kissing the girl on several occasions when she spent the night in his family's home, according to a police affidavit.... The investigation, which began last month when the girl contacted Lititz police, also marked the end of Nies' third attempt to run for mayor of the borough, when he lost the Republican endorsement and suddenly withdrew from the race.

Nies, who is married and has children, surrendered Wednesday morning before District Judge Daniel Garrett.... The girl told police that Nies had sexual-type contact with her eight times when she was spending the evening at his home. In addition to kissing and hugging, when they were alone together in the basement, according to court documents, the girl said Nies repeatedly had sexual contact with her, touching her private areas, telling her "this is what dads do."

Pastor Ron Hamman writing in the "Religion Views" column in the local daily considers the odds that the antichrist will be a homosexual:

Sodomy is the only sin for which God came down from heaven to destroy. Though God dealt with many other sins in various ways, there is no other for which he came down from heaven to verify and destroy.... But will the Antichrist be a homosexual? Having seen what the Bible says of sodomy, we have no further to look than the book of Daniel, chapter 11 to find our answer. It says, “Neither shall he [Antichrist] regard... the desire of women....” As I said at the onset, I am not the first to draw attention to this, but the verbiage is clear.

Is it?

But good news first: if the antichrist is a homo that means Barack Obama can't be the antichrist, Michele's arms notwithstanding. Unless...

You've gotta be careful when people start using ellipses and brackets in selected bible quotes. So I looked up the passage that Rev. Hamman references to prove that the antichrist is a 'mo. Now I'm not a biblical scholar—and neither, it seems, is Rev. Hammon—but it seems clear that Daniel isn't talking about the antichrist in chapter 11 or any other chapter. The last few chapters of Daniel are given over to "apocalyptic visions," which read like stories of then-impending regional conflicts, references to existing kingdoms and empires, and not to the end-times fireworks favored by Christian nutters. It's just Daniel riffing on some kings who'll be ruling the area soon, some of them good, some of them bad. There's no second coming hinted at in Daniel, no rapture, no Jesus references at all. (Daniel is in the Old Testament.) Here's the passage Rev. Hamman cites— whole chapter here—with brackets and ellipses removed:

11:36 The king shall do according to his will; and he shall exalt himself, and magnify himself above every god, and shall speak marvelous things against the God of gods; and he shall prosper until the indignation be accomplished; for that which is determined shall be done.

11:37 Neither shall he regard the gods of his fathers, nor the desire of women, nor regard any god; for he shall magnify himself above all.

Read the entire chapter and it's clear why a modern conservative might regard this particular king as a potential antichrist: when he isn't waging war he's out there collecting taxes. So even if he's not the antichrist he's still a close second: a socialist. But a homo? Okay, so he's not all that interested in women. But that seems tied to the his narcissism and self-regard—he exalts himself in all things, blah blah blah—and not necessarily because this particular king is doing (or going to be doing) dudes. Considering Daniel's low opinion of this king, Rev. Hamman, I'm thinking Daniel would've included dude-banging on his bill of particulars if this king would indeed be banging dudes. Why would Daniel leave that out? Why would he task an Alaskan pastor with inferring homosexual acts thousands of years after he wrote this chapter?

But look on the bright side, Rev.: this means Barack Obama could still be the antichrist. We'll just have to wait and see.

In the meantime... Biblical Brackets & Ellipses is a game that anyone can play!

[Rev. Hamman] shall come even on the fattest... and he shall do that which his fathers have not done, nor his fathers' fathers... Yes, they who eat of his dainties shall destroy [Rev. Hammon].

Could these verses from Daniel be any clearer? Rev. Hamman likes to blow loads on the faces of hugely obese sex partners ("comes on [not in] the fattest"), enjoys Twittering ("he shall do that which his fathers have not done"), and will one day bleed to death after his penis is bitten off during a group oral sex encounter gone awry ("they who eat of his dainties will destroy [Rev. Hamman].")

That's too bad for Rev. Hamman, but verbiage—mine and Daniel's—couldn't be clearer.

A couple of other quick thoughts: sodomy was the only sin that so pissed off God that he came down from heaven and destroyed the place? What about the flood? And did God Himself come down to the twin cities to verify the sodomitical goings on? Was He inspecting the sheets for evidence of buggering or something? And careful, Rev. Hammon, you don't want to attract attention to the bits of the bible where the authors acknowledge the existence of other gods, competing gods, even if their god gets to be the god-of-gods.

This line appears at the end of Rev. Hamman's think piece:

Ron Hamman is pastor for Independent Baptist Church of Wasilla. Contact him at 357-4229.

The area code up there is 907.