Slog
News & ArtsWednesday, May 27, 2009
Savage Love Savage Love Letter of the Day
Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, May 27, 2009 at 3:25 PM
Is there an authoritative list of the top ten male sexual fantasies? Ya, ya, we all know number one... but where does it go from there? I just read something in a woman's mag that says being with another guy (at least in thought) is number four; but of course there is no suggestion of where the information comes from. I myself have great semen fantasies, which always include a woman (helping her suck a cock, cleaning up another man's cream pie, etc.), but I find it hard to believe that any of this is up there in the top ten male fantasies.Curious How Other Dudes Excite
I don't know if there's an authoritative list—and I don't know that there ever could be or should be. Turn-ons are simply too subjective and personal and unique for "top ten" lists. But if it's a list you want, CHODE, I'm sure Slog readers would be happy to help draft one for you.
And for future reference, CHODE: the "information" in the type of women's magazine that features lists of "top ten male sexual fantasies" is pulled straight out of the bony asses of underpaid, underfed, underfucked interns. They may be read for pleasure, they should be scrutinized for hidden messages asking for help, but they are not to be taken seriously.
Have it it, Sloggers.
1
Rape. I love the idea of rape, but I'm sure I wouldn't like it if it really happened...without lube. But I think of it a lot. Me being raped, not the other way around. I don't think I could rape the type of men I'm attracted to. And I don't fuck. That would be pretty weird too.
6
Wait - "ya, ya, we all know number one..." - well, maybe some of us don't. There's a universal number one fantasy?
7
@ 6, I read that as getting it on with two women. That's supposedly the reason why we like lesbians so much.
8
My number one fantasy is wandering around run-down, economically depressed industrial and commercial areas of old cities taking photographs with a hot babe. So I'm pretty much all set.
9
Universal number one for men? Two chicks at once. That's a "no doi," right? Right? Am I being hopeful, because I don't want to think that it's pegging. I just. Don't.
11
@6, I think it is assumed that the #1 male Fantasy of all time is going to be a Girl Girl Guy 3way, where he's at the center of the attention and efforts.
14
1. FFM
In no particular order:
2. With SO's sister
3. With boss
4. With a co-worker
5. Going back in time with high-school girlfriend
6. With a stripper
7. Breaking some sort of law, ie: with a prostitute
8. In a hot tub
9. In the great outdoors
10. With a celebrity
In no particular order:
2. With SO's sister
3. With boss
4. With a co-worker
5. Going back in time with high-school girlfriend
6. With a stripper
7. Breaking some sort of law, ie: with a prostitute
8. In a hot tub
9. In the great outdoors
10. With a celebrity
16
@Fnarf, @10 beat me to it--I was going to invite you and the lovely Mrs. Fnarf to Cincinnati and environs, site of the 'Mats' "All Shook Down" album cover. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en…
17
@12
You're welcome. I work from 8 to 5 in Bellevue, I live in Montlake right at the end of 10th, I'm typically on 15th during the evenings, I'm pogonophobic, pedophobic, eurotophobic, and I'm terrified of spiders, bees & knives. Do what you must with this information.
You're welcome. I work from 8 to 5 in Bellevue, I live in Montlake right at the end of 10th, I'm typically on 15th during the evenings, I'm pogonophobic, pedophobic, eurotophobic, and I'm terrified of spiders, bees & knives. Do what you must with this information.
21
Daddy moved quickly. On his knees, his hands lifted my body up, my knees sliding under me. He pushed his cock into my wet slit, driving it into my wet cunt. Once, twice, three times he slammed his hips forward, the last slapping my flesh hard with his body. Our grunts, our bodies slapping together filled my senses. Daddy pulled back, hesitating. I felt the tip of his cock touch my tight hole. I drove back, Daddy pushed forward hard. The head of his cock exploded into my ass. My mind screamed, lights flashed as the pain flooded my senses. I pulled forward quickly, pulling the gigantic cock out of my ass. But Daddy pulled me back, his hands firmly grabbing my hips. His cock swiftly penetrated my ass, pulling me onto him, driving his cock quickly into my body. Senses lost, pain seared my brain. Pulling deep, Daddy hesitated. My body absorbed his cock. I lived. I thrust my hips up and down, grinding more cock into my body. Lust won. My body exploded. I rode his cock deep, fucking the shit out of him. A demon drove my hips in movements I never dreamed, humping, thrusting, driving back against Daddy. And he rode me hard. Slamming my hips, grinding each inch, he hammered my virgin ass. I was hot, my body immersing itself in my lust. Closing my eyes tight, I pictured Daddy, hands holding my hips, seeing his cock pulling out of my ass, my tight ring stretching, my muscles holding firm, sucking his massive cock into my depths. I thrust my hips back, slamming his body.
22
Anything involving bacon has got to be in the top five somewhere.
Some guy tears apart those stupid Cosmo sex surveys:
http://www.ruthlessreviews.com/1273/cosm…
Some guy tears apart those stupid Cosmo sex surveys:
http://www.ruthlessreviews.com/1273/cosm…
23
Top Ten Nerd Fantasies:
1. Battlestar Galactica
2. Star Trek
3. X-Files
4. Stargate
5. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
6. Xena
7. LOTR
8. Star Wars
9. Dr. Who
10. Babylon 5
1. Battlestar Galactica
2. Star Trek
3. X-Files
4. Stargate
5. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
6. Xena
7. LOTR
8. Star Wars
9. Dr. Who
10. Babylon 5
24
I awoke slowly. On my back, warm licks, my clit engorged. Daddy was eating my pussy. His teeth firmly held my clit in his mouth, his tongue mashing my clit against the inside of his mouth, his teeth. My hips lifted up to his mouth. My hips arching, lifted by Daddy's strong hands. Dangling over me, a semi-rigid cock. My mouth opened, my tongue reached to wash over the head. His hips slumped down, letting his flaccid, chubbing cock slide into my mouth. My hands reached around his hips, pulling his ass to me. His cock slid completely down my throat, his hips grinding against my lips. His balls rested on my eyes and forehead. I sucked him hard. I wanted life in this limp piece of meat. I wanted to ride him, facing his feet, to drive him deep in my cunt. I wanted my engorged lips to wrap around his balls as I thrust my hips back and forth. I wanted to slam his cock back and forth, almost ripping it from his body. I wanted him to say "Not bad for an 18-year old!" I wanted him to forget that teacher Jill ever existed. Tilting my head, I sucked his cock completely into my mouth and throat. I hummed on his balls.
25
@10, @16 - Buffalo and Cleveland have always been fantasies of mine. When Bourdain went to Cleveland and visited that sausage factory, I creamed.
27
And for future reference, CHODE: the "information" in the type of women's magazine that features lists of "top ten male sexual fantasies" is pulled straight out of the bony asses of underpaid, underfed, underfucked interns. They may be read for pleasure, they should be scrutinized for hidden messages asking for help, but they are not to be taken seriously.
And this is different from sex advice columns in free weekly tabloids exactly how?
And this is different from sex advice columns in free weekly tabloids exactly how?
28
@25: Well, now, Cleveland may have its burning river and all, but we have barrel factories that occasionally self-combust: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pentoast/88…
And old auto plants in the heart of town (this one since converted to office space): http://www.flickr.com/photos/ryanthomas/…
And an extant (for now) playing card factory: http://www.flickr.com/photos/cosmo_75/22…
And old auto plants in the heart of town (this one since converted to office space): http://www.flickr.com/photos/ryanthomas/…
And an extant (for now) playing card factory: http://www.flickr.com/photos/cosmo_75/22…
29
Lavode: I think you're pretty spot on. Also add: #11: Magical candy penis that attracts all attractive members of preferred sex.
33
From my experience with straight boys, I'd actually argue that a threesome is not the number one fantasy. Most of the guys I know say they 1) wouldn't know what to do if they actually got the opportunity and 2) would be more concerned that the two girls would be into each other rather than him. And this is in response to a girl interested in threesomes, so I don't think it's desperate attempt to not look like a horny teenager.
34
@33: Confronting someone with their fantasy and forcing them to realize they wouldn't actually know what to do if they got the chance to live it out does not prove it's not their fantasy.
35
Multiple male orgasms in the course of Viagra-induced erection that lasts a bit under four hours, thus doesn't warrant seeking immediate medical attention. Oh yes!
36
Glossolalia Black, I appear to be the only vanilla het male Slogger! Kind of wish more of my brethren would put together a list of their top 10 just so poor CHODE would have some more points of data. Or are my fantasies so ubiquitous that anything else is redundant?
Candy penis, that's clever!
Candy penis, that's clever!
41
You guys don't understand geeks at all.
Travel: On a road trip daddy is letting Tiffany steer the car. While Tiffany bounces softly on daddy's lap, daddy is casually accelerating six miles per hour per minute. How far to they travel from the point they're going 30 mph to when they're going 90 mph?
Snack Time: Leslie is eating an enormous double-scooped ice-cream cone while Brenda is sucking on a huge Popsicle. Leslie's long licks up the side and along the top of her two scoops each average 8 seconds and 5 such licks consume an ounce of ice cream. Meanwhile, Brenda's sucking strokes are only 4 seconds long. But the juice-bar is so big she can only contain 2 inches of frozen fruity goodness in her mouth at a time. It takes 20 such strokes for Brenda to wear away an inch of her tasty treat. If Leslie's ice cream cone is 16 ounces and Brenda's Popsicle is 9 inches long, and it takes Leslie just as long to eat the cone as it does Brenda the last two inches of Popsicle, then which girl will finish her snack first, and by how much time?
Extra Credit: Tracy has been doing poorly in Mr. Johnson's class. She has eight grades that average 2½ points (or a C+), but if she doesn't get an A, Daddy will whup her. Every day Tracy spends an hour after class studying with Mr. Johnson, he adds a 4-point grade (an A) to her score. How many days must she stay after class with Mr. Johnson to raise her average to 3½ points (a B+)?
Travel: On a road trip daddy is letting Tiffany steer the car. While Tiffany bounces softly on daddy's lap, daddy is casually accelerating six miles per hour per minute. How far to they travel from the point they're going 30 mph to when they're going 90 mph?
Snack Time: Leslie is eating an enormous double-scooped ice-cream cone while Brenda is sucking on a huge Popsicle. Leslie's long licks up the side and along the top of her two scoops each average 8 seconds and 5 such licks consume an ounce of ice cream. Meanwhile, Brenda's sucking strokes are only 4 seconds long. But the juice-bar is so big she can only contain 2 inches of frozen fruity goodness in her mouth at a time. It takes 20 such strokes for Brenda to wear away an inch of her tasty treat. If Leslie's ice cream cone is 16 ounces and Brenda's Popsicle is 9 inches long, and it takes Leslie just as long to eat the cone as it does Brenda the last two inches of Popsicle, then which girl will finish her snack first, and by how much time?
Extra Credit: Tracy has been doing poorly in Mr. Johnson's class. She has eight grades that average 2½ points (or a C+), but if she doesn't get an A, Daddy will whup her. Every day Tracy spends an hour after class studying with Mr. Johnson, he adds a 4-point grade (an A) to her score. How many days must she stay after class with Mr. Johnson to raise her average to 3½ points (a B+)?
43
Incidentally incest, of which my personal favorite is sibling. (It's a product of being an only child.)
But I doubt incest of any sort is in the top ten. Top fifty, maybe.
Ephebophilia, which is not a fetish or perversion according to the DSM IV. High ages of consent are a fairly recent occurrence in civilization. But the fact that young people are off limits makes them extra naughty, and thus extra hot. So underage teens are probably on the list, though unofficially so.
This is whether or not the nice girl/boy calls you "daddy."
But I doubt incest of any sort is in the top ten. Top fifty, maybe.
Ephebophilia, which is not a fetish or perversion according to the DSM IV. High ages of consent are a fairly recent occurrence in civilization. But the fact that young people are off limits makes them extra naughty, and thus extra hot. So underage teens are probably on the list, though unofficially so.
This is whether or not the nice girl/boy calls you "daddy."
46
@41 1) They will travel 10 miles. It takes them 10 minutes to accelerate to 90 mph, and they average 60 mph during that time.
2) Brenda will finish in 12 minutes and Leslie will finish in 13 minutes 20 seconds. It takes 80 seconds for Brenda to swallow each inch and 40 seconds for Leslie to swallow each ounce plus 160 seconds for Leslie to eat the cone.
3) Tracy will have to stay after school 16 more times to boost her grade to a 3.5. 16 visits times 4.0 for each visit gives her 64 points, giving her 84 points when added to her current 20 points for 8 grades. 84 points divided by 24 grades gives an average of 3.5.
2) Brenda will finish in 12 minutes and Leslie will finish in 13 minutes 20 seconds. It takes 80 seconds for Brenda to swallow each inch and 40 seconds for Leslie to swallow each ounce plus 160 seconds for Leslie to eat the cone.
3) Tracy will have to stay after school 16 more times to boost her grade to a 3.5. 16 visits times 4.0 for each visit gives her 64 points, giving her 84 points when added to her current 20 points for 8 grades. 84 points divided by 24 grades gives an average of 3.5.
48
Blackjack @ 46, Correct on all three, though you'd lose points on Snack Time for not specifying the the difference between the times (who finished first by how much time) which is what was asked. Brenda finished hers first, by one minute, twenty seconds.
Want something harder, er... more challenging?
Mr. Poe @44, at first I thought you were referring to a Microsoft applet. While I can appreciate a good twins fantasy, identical ages (or features, for that matter) aren't essential to mine. Being an older sister's squeeze between boyfriends, or experimenting with a younger one do me plenty.
Egad. Too much information?
Want something harder, er... more challenging?
Mr. Poe @44, at first I thought you were referring to a Microsoft applet. While I can appreciate a good twins fantasy, identical ages (or features, for that matter) aren't essential to mine. Being an older sister's squeeze between boyfriends, or experimenting with a younger one do me plenty.
Egad. Too much information?
50
I think it's hysterical - and telling - that several straight boys immediately go off into debates about best grungy cities and start to talk math. What, no fantasies involving race car engines, trains, or maybe massive explosions, or some combination thereof?
BTW I am in love with magical candy penis man. My own straight girl fantasy is that I have a magical pussy that makes men's cocks grow when they eat me. Men are lined up around the block to get supersized and then fuck me with their new, jumbo-sized penises.
BTW I am in love with magical candy penis man. My own straight girl fantasy is that I have a magical pussy that makes men's cocks grow when they eat me. Men are lined up around the block to get supersized and then fuck me with their new, jumbo-sized penises.
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